Buckle up, celestial trash. First, aaaAAAaaa bravely attempts to lead the intro segment, only to get immediately derailed by Abish, as is tradition. The hosts chat about current events, pop culture, and the bespoke cocktail of the week: Hymn and Tonic—a nod to Joseph Smith’s bizarre decision to insert a random song at the end of D&C 84. Because nothing says divine revelation like dropping a sick beat in the middle of scripture.
Scriptures: [00:14:05]
Abish takes the reins for the scripture segment, dragging us through D&C 84—a section that elevates the priesthood to divine, eternal, and absolutely-not-questionable status. If you ever wondered how to take a drunk bubble bath spiral and turn it into a discussion about cults, Abish has you covered. Plus, a surprise game that asks: if Joseph Smith was definitively a fraud, which historical and fictional villains would he most resemble?
Church Teachings: [00:35:44]
Then, Moroni delivers the Church Teachings segment, where we dissect the priesthood, gender roles, and why the LDS Church still thinks women should be fancy little hats instead of actual participants. We also discuss whether God should get credit for progressive change when it takes literal centuries to happen. (If God could lift the priesthood ban in 1978, what’s stopping him from speed-running women’s equality?) Also, we propose renaming the church CoJCoLDS because... well, you just have to listen.
History: [01:10:40]
Finally, Abigail leads us into the History Segment from Hell—this time exploring the spiritual origins of Nazi ideology. That’s right, we’re talking Blavatsky, Aryosophy, mystical German nationalism, and how a 19th-century Russian woman with way too many scarves helped fuel white supremacist nonsense for generations. If you ever wanted a chaotic yet educational mashup of theosophy, occultism, and people getting way too excited about runes, this is your moment.
So pour yourself a Hymn and Tonic, brace yourself for aggressively weird history, and join us for another wild ride through scripture, church teachings, and just a little bit of fascism.
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