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Book: Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller. 

Baruch Spinoza - “All happiness or unhappiness solely depends upon the quality of the object to which we are attached by love.”

Byron Katie: “A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”  (from her book Loving What Is)

Three Types of Attachment Styles.

1. Secure - people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving, able to address single topics without it turning into personal attacks or being generalized to many topics, reliable, consistent, and trustworthy 
2. Anxious - people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back, heightened sense of threats to the relationship (which can lead to misinterpretations of emotions) 
3. Avoidant - people equate intimacy with a  loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness, self-sufficiency over dependency, tend to repress emotions

Each form of attachment has it’s own view of 1) intimacy and togetherness, 2) how to deal with conflict, 3) attitude toward sex, 4) ability to communicate wishes and needs, and 5) their expectations from their partner and the relationship

Five Secure Principles for Resolving Conflict

1. Show basic concern for the other person’s well-being
2. Maintain focus on the problem at hand
3. Refrain from generalizing the conflict
4. Be willing to engage
5. Effectively communicate feelings and needs

“Ignoring your partner’s needs will have a direct impact on your own emotions, satisfaction level, and even physical health.” (page 246)

“When there’s a willingness to resolve a specific problem, people feel that they’re being heard and it brings both parties closer together.” (page 248)