Ever felt the pressure to be “on” every waking minute? We sat down with Rabbi and therapist Gary Katz to unpack the quiet cost of spiritual leadership: how constant likability, role-based identity, and unspoken expectations can turn faith into performance and push leaders toward secrecy. Gary opens up about his own crash into sex and love addiction, the spiral into substances, and the slow rebuild that followed—rooted in a radical idea: spiritual progress beats spiritual perfection.
Across our conversation, we map the terrain of process addictions and intimacy disorder in clear terms. If porn becomes a numbing loop, removing porn alone won’t solve the craving to shut down; the brain will find another off-switch. If affairs or attention are really about validation, new “respectable” behaviors can still feed the same hunger. Gary shows how the work is identifying your loop and building healthier ways to meet core needs without hiding. We also explore a common leadership blind spot: many of us can lead or follow, yet struggle to stand eye-to-eye as peers. That’s where healing happens—phone calls, coffee, shared truth without a stage.
We talk about the trap of curated vulnerability, the fatigue of 24/7 role performance, and the difference between toxic shame and the healthy kind that guides better choices. For leaders afraid of disqualification, Gary offers a measured path: hit pause on big decisions, anchor in real support, and relearn how to be a person before a title. Integrity isn’t spotless; it’s aligned. If you’ve been living split—polished outwardly, isolated inwardly—this conversation points to a way back to wholeness, connection, and a more honest faith.
Grab the free resource at ValiantLiving.com/episode54 and learn more about Gary’s work at intimacyrecovery.com. If this resonated, follow, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help others find their way to deeper recovery and real connection.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.
Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.
Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.
