The third time, you'd think you'd be ready. You're not. I've had breast cancer twice before, so routine MRIs are familiar territory. This time was different. A text from radiology, images in a portal, circles and arrows I recognised immediately and had hoped never to see again. In this episode, I’m sharing the story of my third cancer diagnosis, my mastectomy and the long unglamorous miserable climb out of the deepest hole I've ever been in.
We’re talking about what the five weeks of waiting actually looked like, not the polished version, but the ten-kilometre daily walks, the compulsive decluttering, the phone I couldn't put down.
There's a lot in this one about the people around me during that time. Ruby turning three in the middle of the chaos, the joy in her face in those photos and the dread in mine. A partner who stayed steady when I wasn't easy to be around. And a birthday I spent in hospital that was surreal in the way only very real things can be.
We’ll get into something that doesn't get talked about enough: what the not-knowing does to your nervous system, and why a confirmed diagnosis (even a hard one) can bring a strange kind of relief. There's a distinction I've been sitting with between pushing through and actually healing. They're not the same thing. This episode is the beginning of that conversation, and there's more of this story to tell.
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