What if high functioning is just a polished form of survival? I sit down with therapist and podcast host Malisa Hepner to trace a life from chaotic beginnings to grounded, embodied healing and the messy middle where most of us get stuck. Melissa opens up about growing up with addiction, foster care, and never feeling safe, then explains how those patterns shape perfectionism, overthinking, and the urge to push people away while craving connection.
We dig into practical ways to build safety from the inside out. Malisa breaks down why your brain’s job is survival, not happiness, and how to calm it with simple, repeatable steps: eat before the hard talk, notice the shoulder tension as a cue to pause, breathe into your chest until the noise softens. She shares the micro-moments that changed everything, catching the tiny pause before she tells the truth, choosing to speak anyway, and using the mantra I am safe, you are safe, we are safe to rewire old beliefs. We talk about sharing one real thing with one safe person, letting vulnerability be small and honest rather than performative.
We also reframe forgiveness. Not reunion. Not approval. Forgiveness as releasing the emotional charge that keeps you chained to the moment. That release often begins with self-forgiveness, meeting the younger you who still believes it was their fault and telling them the truth at last. From there, understanding emerges: people act from pain. Boundaries stay firm, contact can remain closed, but your nervous system is no longer held hostage.
To keep growth sustainable, Malisa leans on shame-free rest, the “hell yes or no” boundary rule, and a simple compass for bad days: if everyone seems to hate you, sleep; if you hate everyone, eat; if both, take space. It’s a compassionate, practical roadmap for moving from survival to a life that feels honest, connected, and calm in your own body.
More on Malisa Hepner LCSW, Author, Podcast Host & Speaker | Helping People Quiet the Noise, Reconnect with Themselves, and Embody the Light. Her contacts are: https://linktr.ee/Mdhepner and https://www.instagram.com/malisa.hepner/?hl=en
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