Supplemental Study Guide:
https://www.drdallasbragg.com/newsletters/blog/posts/HealingRelationships
In this episode of The AfterMeth Podcast, host Dr. Dallas Bragg sits down with Tom Bruett, LMFT and certified sex therapist, to explore the complex dynamics of relationships affected by crystal meth use. Tom, founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of "The Go To Relationship Guide for Gay Men," brings his extensive expertise working with queer couples through the challenges of chemsex addiction. The conversation tackles difficult questions many listeners face: What happens when one partner is using and the other isn't? How does meth become a "third partner" in the relationship, competing for attachment and attention? Tom emphasizes that honesty forms the foundation for healing, explaining how repeated betrayals create trauma for non-using partners and erode trust in ways that go beyond the drug use itself. He candidly addresses the reality that rebuilding a relationship during active use is nearly impossible, as meth fundamentally alters brain chemistry and becomes the primary attachment object, making meaningful connection with a partner extremely difficult.
The discussion then shifts to recovery and sexual reintegration, offering both hope and realistic expectations for couples navigating this journey. Tom shares that rebuilding trust requires "new experiences"—not just stopping use, but actively bringing partners into the recovery process through vulnerable sharing about cravings, triggers, and close calls. He addresses one of the most common concerns: the fear that sex will never feel the same again after meth. Rather than offering false promises, Tom encourages couples to grieve what was lost while expanding their definition of intimacy and sexual connection, starting small with touch, massage, and emotional presence rather than expecting immediate return to previous patterns. He outlines the importance of both partners getting support—the person in recovery needs their own resources, while the non-using partner often needs therapy or coaching to process their own trauma and learn when to set firm boundaries. Throughout the conversation, Tom validates the profound grief both partners experience while emphasizing that recovery is possible when couples are willing to do the heavy lifting of honest communication, boundary-setting, and rebuilding their foundation together.
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