Supplemental Study Guide: https://www.recoveryalchemy.org/newsletters/blog/posts/relationships
In this episode, Dallas Bragg welcomes Aidan Wharton — a New York-based sex and relationships writer, educator, and columnist specializing in open relationships — for a candid conversation exploring non-monogamy through the lens of gay men's recovery from chemsex. Dallas is upfront about his own evolving bias, shaped by painful past experiences with a broken open relationship, and uses the conversation to interrogate his assumptions alongside Aidan's eight years of lived experience with his husband. Aidan reframes open relationships not as a rejection of monogamy's values but as an expansion rooted in living fully — acknowledging that no single partner can be "everything," while emphasizing that healthy non-monogamy depends on the same foundation as any relationship: trust, respect, and communication. The two dig into jealousy as a teacher rather than a flaw, unpacking how underlying wounds like fear of exclusion (which Dallas names as a particularly resonant theme for gay men) surface disguised as jealousy in open dynamics.
The conversation turns sharply practical when Dallas shares a vivid, in-the-moment story of nearly hooking up with a thruple he suspected was using — walking listeners through the subtle behavioral cues of active meth use (delayed responses, jitteriness, lowered standards, lack of due diligence) as both a cautionary tale and harm-reduction education. Aidan and Dallas then offer concrete guidance for men in recovery considering opening a relationship: minimizing complicating variables (familiar partners, safe locations, avoiding relapse-associated settings), practicing aftercare with oneself, one's hookup, and one's primary partner, and using tools like the "third entity" framework — treating the relationship itself as a stakeholder distinct from either individual — to navigate requests and boundaries without resentment. They close by distinguishing "balanced" from "equal" experiences within a relationship, and Aidan offers a broader reflection on self-compassion, cautioning listeners about how phone and dopamine culture quietly erodes the very communication and presence that healthy relationships — open or not — require.
Contact Aidan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton/?hl=en
Substack: http://gaybuffet.substack.com/
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Dallas Bragg
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