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In this special Q&A edition of Quiet Confessions, Chelsea is joined by their husband, Ben, to tackle a question sent in from Megann of Pondering Paretnhood Podcast. It's a situation many long-term partners face but few discuss openly: How do you prioritize your marriage during the "roommate phase"?
Having been together for 19 years and navigated everything from early-career stress to significant medical and psychiatric trauma, Chelsea and Ben pull back the curtain on the cycles of their relationship.
Key Takeaways
- The "Roommate Phase" is a Cycle: Long-term relationships naturally ebb and flow; recognizing that these periods are temporary helps remove the fear and inadequacy that often accompany a lack of physical intimacy.
- Choosing to Grow Together: Connection doesn't just happen; it requires an intentional choice to remain invested in each other, especially when energy levels are low due to trauma or illness.
- "Pebbling" and Non-Physical Intimacy: When physical energy is depleted, intimacy can be maintained through small gestures—like suggesting a book to read together or performing acts of service during health flares.
- The Value of Professional Support: Even couples who are "good at communicating" can benefit from therapy to strengthen their skills and develop a deeper toolkit for navigating challenges.
- Prioritizing the United Front: Having shared priorities—like putting the family first—creates a secure foundation that allows a relationship to survive stressful stretches.
- Grounding in "What’s Not Wrong": Using DBT skills to focus on current comforts (like a warm house during a freeze) helps combat the negative headspaces that can strain a marriage.
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Special Thanks to Steve Audy for the use of our theme song: Quiet Connection
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