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Every ultramarathon has a map. But there’s another one we never talk about, the emotional topography.

In this episode, share the noise and the quiet moments of my experience at the Canyons 100K: a race along the Western States trail that became less about climbing mountains and more about surviving the terrain inside my own head. What started as a hopeful return to long-distance running turned into a raw, unfiltered confrontation with the voices in my head.

This isn’t a story about triumph. It’s about tension—between ego and doubt, pain and pride, quitting and continuing.

No music. No sound effects. Just me. And the voices I run with.

This episode contains strong language and references to mental health struggles, including suicidal thoughts. Please take care while listening. And remember—you’re not alone.

Addiction, mental health, and crisis support

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
  1-800-662-HELP (4357)
  Free, confidential treatment referral and information service available 24/7 in English and Spanish.
  
• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
  Find a meeting near you: https://www.aa.org/
  
• SMART Recovery
  Provides support groups and resources for those overcoming addiction: https://www.smartrecovery.org/

Mental Health and Depression Support

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (now 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
  Dial 988 for 24/7, free, and confidential support for individuals in distress.
• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
  Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
  Website: https://www.nami.org/

Eating Disorder Support

• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
  Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
  Online chat support: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
• Overeaters Anonymous
  Find support for food-related behaviors and patterns: https://oa.org/

General Crisis Support

• Crisis Text Line
  Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor in the U.S.
• Veterans Crisis Line
  Dial 988 and press 1, or text 838255 for specialized support for veterans.

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