Description

Steve Mellor and Lee Povey are seasoned high-performance coaches with decades of experience leading elite athletes, startup founders, and executive teams. As co-hosts of The Founders Catalyst, they create candid conversations about leadership identity, culture, and performance, helping founders lead with clarity, courage, and humanity.

Episode Summary: Steve and Lee kick off Season 2 with a simple question that’s harder than it sounds: who do you want to be as a leader? Not what you want to do. Not what you want to achieve. Who you want to be.

They unpack how most of us developed “adaptive” versions of ourselves in childhood, masks that helped us belong, stay safe, and get approval. The problem: those survival strategies often follow us into leadership, where they show up as people-pleasing, defensiveness, control, or constant fatigue.

The conversation moves from belonging and identity to consistency: why authenticity is what makes leadership stable, why “I’m so tired” can become a shield (and create resentment), and how the best leaders adapt to others without compromising their values.

They close with practical reflection prompts: write down who you want to be, notice when you’re in fight/flight/freeze/fawn, and borrow clarity from leaders you admire, because authenticity isn’t a slogan, it’s a practice.

Key Takeaways:

• Leadership isn’t just what you do, it’s who you are being while you do it.
• Your “mask” was once a survival strategy. It helped you belong as a kid, but it can limit you as a leader.
• Fatigue is a signal. If you’re constantly exhausted, you may be leading from adaptation instead of authenticity.
• Belonging drives behavior. The need to fit in is wired into humans—and it can quietly run your leadership.
• Great leaders adapt to people without compromising themselves. They meet others where they are, but keep their morals and standards intact.
• Authenticity creates consistency. If you’re not authentic, you become a chameleon, and consistency gets impossible.
• Name the survival mode. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are clues, notice them, breathe, and choose how you want to show up.
• Don’t wear “tired leader” as a badge. There’s a difference between being tired and telling a story that leadership is suffering.
• Vulnerability + ownership builds trust. Share what you’re learning, own mistakes, and let your team see the real you.
• Want a shortcut? Look at who you admire. Identify the qualities you respect, and practice those.

Resources Mentioned:

• Adaptive survival strategies from childhood (“masks”)
• Fight / flight / freeze / fawn (nervous system survival responses)
• Men’s work / identity work (e.g., “Men Without Masks”)
• “Admired Leadership” (Randall Stutman)
• Reflection practice: “Who do I want to be as a leader?”

If you do one thing after this episode, do this:

• Write the question at the top of a page: Who do I want to be as a leader?
• Then get curious, no perfection, no performance.

And if you’re stuck, start with admiration: Who do you respect, and what qualities are you trying to embody?

Thank you for tuning in! If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. Stay tuned for more insights and discussions to help you thrive in both your personal and professional life.

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