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The Stewer: When Anger Turns Inward

Some anger explodes.
 Some leaks out sideways.
 And some of it quietly simmers beneath the surface.

In today’s episode, we’re talking about the Stewer, the woman who turns her anger inward, letting it build until it shows up as stress, headaches, sleepless nights, chronic tension, or even depression.

This pattern is incredibly common for women in midlife, especially those who were taught to be agreeable, self-sacrificing, and “not angry.” If you’ve ever swallowed your feelings to keep the peace—and paid for it later—this episode is for you.

In this episode, we explore:

• What it really means to be a Stewer, and why this kind of anger is often invisible to others but exhausting on the inside
• Common signs of inward anger, including self-blame, rumination, physical pain, insomnia, and loss of joy
• A powerful reflection question: When was the last time I swallowed my anger instead of speaking it?

Five ways to work with inward anger:

1. Name it without judgment: “I feel angry because…”
2. Listen to your body: tension, fatigue, and pain are often emotional signals
3. Create safe release: journaling, breathwork, movement, or physical discharge
4. Practice small expressions: saying no, sharing a frustration, setting one boundary
5. Reframe anger as wisdom: ask: What is this anger protecting or pointing me toward?

Support matters:

Healing inward anger doesn’t happen in isolation. We talk about the role of therapy, coaching, support groups, trusted relationships, and even medical professionals when anger shows up physically. Being witnessed breaks the silence and the shame.

Closing thought:

The anger you’ve been carrying isn’t here to destroy you.
 It’s here to guide you toward change.

If you recognize yourself as a Stewer, know this: you’re not broken, you’re listening, just inward instead of outward. And there are safe, healthy ways to let that anger move before it burns you from the inside.

Resources mentioned:

• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
• Mind-body practices like meditation and gentle yoga (Balance, Calm, Headspace)
• Journaling prompt: What am I holding onto that I need to release?

For more resources, courses, and ways to connect, visit www.stephanieyork.com

Reflection for the week:
Where can you express one small truth instead of swallowing it?