This episode grew from a simple image we shared in a recent Sanity Check: two jars.
One jar is full — kind words, encouragement, praise, moments where someone saw you and appreciated you.
The other jar holds just one negative comment.
And yet… it’s the second jar most of us carry.
We explore why one raised eyebrow, one piece of criticism, one offhand remark can eclipse a hundred positive moments. Why it lingers. Why it replays. Why it feels like proof.
We talk about negativity bias, self-worth, shrinking, second-guessing and the quiet exhaustion that comes from gripping that mostly empty jar.
And most importantly — how we begin to put it down.
Key Discussion Points
- The “two jars” metaphor and why so many women instantly recognised themselves in it
- Why one negative comment can occupy our minds all day — even if it lasted only 30 seconds
- The concept of negativity bias and how our brains process negative experiences more quickly than positive ones
- How social conditioning (especially for women) amplifies the need to be liked, agreeable and “get it right”
- Why praise often doesn’t land — and why criticism feels familiar
- The connection between negative comments and pre-existing beliefs like “I’m not enough” or “I get it wrong”
- How self-worth changes the proportion of impact — it’s not about becoming bulletproof, it’s about balance
- The exhaustion of carrying self-doubt: over-explaining, shrinking, working harder than necessary
- Why tiredness isn’t always about what you’re doing — sometimes it’s about what you’re carrying
- Practical shifts: noticing which jar you’re holding, questioning why something landed so hard, and consciously allowing praise to sit
Listener Takeaways
- You’re not dramatic for holding onto one comment — you’re human
- Negative feedback often hurts because it echoes something you already believe
- Praise doesn’t land if it doesn’t match your internal story
- Growth isn’t about never being affected — it’s about not letting one comment define you
- You don’t have to deny a negative experience — you just don’t have to build your identity around it
- Self-worth strengthens when we become conscious of what gets to stay with us
- The jar feels heavy because it is heavy — and you are allowed to put it down
Join the Conversation
As you listen, ask yourself:
Which jar am I carrying right now?
And more importantly —
Why am I still holding onto it?
We’d love to hear your reflections.
Come and tell us what resonated.
DM us on social media or email us at hello@youkeepmesane.com.
You’re not broken.
You’re learning what gets to stay.
Links:
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Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy
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Disclaimer:
Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.
