The “burden” story is one of the most dangerous lies suicidal ideation tells. It doesn’t just hurt you — it convinces you the world would be better without you. And that’s exactly why it has to be confronted out loud.
In this episode of Beat The Mental Health Out Of It! (AKA “BTMHOOI!”), host Nicholas Wichman (“The DEFECTIVE Schizoaffective”) and co-host Tony Medeiros (“IndyPocket”) get painfully honest about suicide survival, recovery, grief, anger, and what it takes to stay here when your brain is trying to negotiate your exit.
Nicholas shares a raw first-person account of losing his grandmother to suicide at 16 — including the experience of finding her — and how that trauma shaped his life. He also speaks openly about his own suicide attempts (including two that were nearly fatal), ongoing suicidal ideation, and the complicated emotions that come with survivorship: love, rage, guilt, and the hard work of rebuilding self-worth when you don’t feel like you have any.
A major part of Nicholas’s perspective is that he’s lived both sides of this reality. He’s survived the trauma of someone he loved dying by suicide, and he’s also lived through attempts himself — which means he understands the mindset of the person who leaves and the devastation of the people left behind — and we talk about that complexity without sugarcoating.
We talk about the difference between passive suicidal ideation and active planning, how isolation and shame amplify risk, and why reaching out matters even when you’re convinced you don’t deserve support. We also cover how dark humor functions as a pressure valve to survive the pain.
Content note: This episode includes detailed discussion of suicide, suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, grief, and loss.
If you’re struggling (U.S.): Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7).
In this episode, we talk about:
If this helped, share it and check on a friend today — then drop a two-line “not a burden” reminder you’d want to hear in our Discord, “The Struggle Bus”. We’ll repeat it back to you. (link below)
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Podcast artwork by Ryan Manning
