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Your mind can spin a thousand explanations in seconds, but your body just wants one clear answer: what are you feeling right now? In this mini No Shrinking Violets conversation, I share a deceptively simple technique that can reduce emotional pain and emotional confusion by changing the words you use when you’re upset.
We dig into affect labeling, a research-backed concept from UCLA neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman. When you stop narrating the whole situation (“I’m failing” or “everything is falling apart”) and instead name the emotion (“I feel lonely” “I feel frightened”), you give your brain a clearer signal. That clarity helps de-escalate the amygdala, your internal smoke detector, and brings your prefrontal cortex online, the part that supports language, perspective, and emotion regulation. The goal isn’t to talk yourself out of feelings; it’s to understand them well enough to respond instead of react.
I also talk about why “mad, sad, happy” isn’t enough, and how a richer emotional vocabulary can be empowering. We touch on Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart and the difference between sadness, grief, hopelessness, and despair, because intensity and nuance matter when you’re trying to care for yourself well. Plus, I share a quick out-loud practice you can use the next time anxiety feels vague or overwhelming.
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Mentioned in this episode: Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown
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