Over the last few weeks, we’ve talked about anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and ambivalent attachment–the fight, the flight, the freeze. Now, we're going to talk about what happens when your nervous system is regulated enough to pause and choose differently, known as secure attachment.
A secure attachment connects your head and your heart. It doesn't need to rely on maladaptive protectors; it knows when to put the sword down and when to lower the shield. This episode, I’m covering some misconceptions about what a secure attachment is and where it comes from, why developing a secure attachment requires a foundation of trust, and how to build the muscle of secure attachment through awareness and repetition.
A secure attachment style isn’t inaccessible to you and it isn’t something you either have or you don’t, it’s just something you haven’t learned to integrate into your life or practiced enough. It’s a choice you make over and over again, and through those choices you can begin to create closeness with others while retaining your autonomy.
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