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What actually happens in a woman’s body when she tries to “step up” and be more assertive at work?

In this episode of Why Not and What If, Siobhán and Andy kick off a mini-series inspired by listener Jasmine in Melbourne – a social worker, supervisor and coach to women in the helping professions. They dive into what it reallycosts women to communicate assertively as leaders… and why it’s still so much more complicated than “just be confident.”

Siobhán unpacks how women often have to lean on stress hormones like cortisol to create the same impact that testosterone gives men more naturally – and what that means for burnout, health and the constant tightrope between “clear” and “too much”. She shares boardroom stories of being the only woman in the room, negotiating everyone else’s pay with ease but whispering about her own, and the subtle ways women are punished for speaking plainly.

Andy brings in lived examples from policing and corporate life:

• the “diddy” female officer who had to psych herself up to roar down a violent crowd,
• strategic women ignored on male-dominated boards,
• and Black women leaders silenced by the “angry Black woman” stereotype.

Together they dig into:

• The science and psychology behind assertive communication for women
• Why confident men are “strong”, but confident women are still called “bossy” or “bitchy”
• How internalised misogyny shows up in woman-to-woman dynamics at work
• The role of soft skills (empathy, listening, emotional intelligence) in an AI-driven world
• Why men must be part of challenging misogyny and changing the culture

This one is messy, honest and a bit rage-inducing – but also hopeful. If you’ve ever toned yourself down in a meeting, rehearsed an email ten times so you don’t sound “too harsh”, or wondered why asking for fair pay feels like climbing Everest, this conversation is for you.

Got a story or a view? Email letstalk@whynotwhatif.com
— we might do a follow-up episode with your takes.