Painful sex is common but not normal. Kyla and sexologist Lillie Brown unpack the fear–pain cycle, pelvic pain, arousal and lubrication, and practical steps to heal without pushing through pain. We also touch on how cannabis may help some women reduce pain and increase pleasure, plus when to bring in a pelvic floor physio or sexologist.
Key Takeaways
- Pain is information, not something to “push through.”
- The fear–pain cycle can be broken with slowness + safety + pleasure.
- Arousal matters: women need 20–40 minutes for full physiological arousal (engorgement, lengthening, “tenting”).
- Lube is protective and pleasurable. Add more than you think.
- Penetration can be taken off the table while you heal and sex can still be great.
- Consider a pelvic floor physio and/or sexologist for tailored support.
- Some women find cannabis (topical/systemic) helps with pain, arousal, and presence. Start low, go slow, and consult a clinician.
What We Cover
- Defining painful sex (dyspareunia) and common sensations (stinging/burning at the entrance, deep dull/throbbing pain).
- Pelvic pain 101 and common contributors (endo/adenomyosis, pelvic floor dysfunction, UTIs, thrush, IBS, hormonal shifts).
- Vaginismus (primary/secondary) and why “just relax” isn’t a plan.
- The fear–pain cycle: anticipation → bracing → pain → avoidance (and how to exit it).
- Arousal & anatomy: erectile tissue of the vulva, vaginal lengthening, and “tenting.”
- Practical tools: breathwork, pelvic floor release/relaxation, lube strategy, dilators with arousal, depth-limit tools (e.g., Ohnut), positions, and partner communication.
- Cannabis & sex: topical application, suppositories, systemic use, and why presence matters.
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Disclaimer:
We are not doctors, and this is not medical advice. Everything shared here is based on our personal lived experiences and the stories of others. Always speak with a qualified healthcare professional before making any changes to your health or wellness routine.
