In this episode of Dating on High Alert, Ilja explores masking through a trauma-informed lens, especially for people with ADHD, autism, and complex trauma.
Rather than treating masking as something to “fix” or remove, this conversation reframes it as an intelligent survival response, often learned very early in life, before choice or language existed.
Ilja speaks to why advice like “just unmask” can feel unsafe in the body, and why unmasking without safety, consent, and capacity can be destabilising rather than healing.
This episode also explores a deeper question:
What if it’s not masking that exhausts us, but the shame, self-criticism, and constant self-monitoring layered on top of it?
You’ll hear about:
This is not an episode about performing authenticity.
It’s about safety, nervous systems, and learning to choose with care.
If this conversation brings up questions you’d like to explore more gently, you’re welcome to write to Dear Ilja - anonymously, always.
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/work-with-me/#voicenote
Unmasking isn’t a rule.
It’s an option.
🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.
For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbattista.co.uk
Let’s keep this messy, magical conversation going:
📩 Get updates: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/
🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/
📬 Contact me: empowerher@ilja-abbattista.com
📱 Follow along on Instagram: @ilja.abbattista
Unmask. Rebuild. Thrive.
