In this episode, we explore how sexual feedback (so often a source of tension or defensiveness) can become a pathway to deeper intimacy. You’ll learn when and where these conversations flow most naturally, how to express desires and needs without triggering shame or shutdown, and why timing and tone matter just as much as the words themselves. We'll talk through practical strategies for shaping feedback into an act of care, from aftercare conversations to low-pressure moments like car rides or walks. Whether you’re navigating mismatched desire, hoping to rekindle passion, or simply wanting to communicate with more confidence, this episode offers tools to turn vulnerable moments into opportunities for closeness.
Sensate Focus Exercise:
Here is the basic exercise. Please note that intercourse is off limits until the later stages of the activity.
SENSATE FOCUS I
* You will be taking turns sensually caressing, stroking, and feeling your partner’s hands, arms, feet, and legs.
* Set aside 20 minutes, three times during the week.
* Select a setting where you will have uninterrupted privacy.
* Agree to do this activity either clothed or lightly clothed.
* Split the 20-minute time into two 10-minute periods. One of you will be the receiver and one the giver of touch during each 10-minute period.
* Focus on what feels good to you, not how your partner perceives the touch. In Step II, you will focus on what feels good for your partner and get immediate feedback.
* Try to talk as little as possible during the exercise. You can give feedback later, perhaps the next morning or sometime before you repeat the activity.
SENSATE FOCUS II
* Follow the guidelines in Sensate Focus I regarding time, frequency, and tuning in to sensations. This time, your partner can give feedback about what feels good to them.
SENSATE FOCUS III
This is the same idea as Sensate Focus I and II, but now the touching is mutual and if both partners agree, can move to breasts and genitals.
* Shift your attention to your enjoyment of your partner’s body.
* If you become highly aroused, take a little break and resume touching. The point is to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
SENSATE FOCUS IV AND V
Continue as in previous activity sessions.
* At some point, move to the female-on-top position without attempting insertion of the penis into the vagina.
* In this position, the woman can rub her clitoris, vulva, and vaginal opening against her partner’s penis regardless of whether there is an erection.
* Eventually, the woman can insert the tip of the penis into the vagina if there is an erection. Go back to non-genital pleasure if either partner becomes anxious.
* After doing this type of play a few times, you will most likely feel ready for intercourse. Keep the focus on your sensations and on nondemand pleasuring.
If you want to learn more about sexual health, sexual dysfunction, or how to improve your sex life, follow me on Instagram at @thepgspot or check out my website at doctorpattyj.com for blogs and resources related to sex positivity and real talk about sexuality. As as always, stay curious, stay empowered, and stay you.
