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Episode 45: How Childhood Shapes Us with Stacy Schaffer
So many adults move through life believing they should be “past” what happened to them. That childhood is over. That it shouldn’t still affect them. But our early experiences don’t stay neatly tucked in the past. They quietly shape how we love, how we parent, how we handle stress, and how safe we feel being ourselves.
In this episode of Let’s Get Real, I sit down with Stacy Schaffer, a licensed professional counselor with over 20 years of experience working with children, teens, and young adults. She’s also the author of With Love from a Children’s Therapist and brings a rare dual perspective as both a clinician and a survivor of childhood trauma.
This conversation is tender, honest, and deeply relatable.
Childhood Doesn’t Stay in Childhood
Stacy shares openly about growing up in an environment marked by trauma, silence, and unmet emotional needs. When she tried to speak up as a young child, she wasn’t heard. That silence didn’t make the pain disappear. It taught her how to survive.
Like many people, Stacy learned to cope by starting over. By pushing forward. By performing well and deciding not to look back. For a long time, that strategy worked. It helped her build a life, choose a career, and appear “fine” on the outside.
How Childhood Trauma Shows Up Later
One of the most grounding parts of this conversation is Stacy’s explanation of what childhood trauma actually is. Trauma isn’t about comparison. It’s not about whether someone else “had it worse.” Trauma is any experience that overwhelms a child’s nervous system and changes how they understand the world.
Unprocessed childhood trauma often shows up sideways in adulthood. It can look like perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, anxiety, over-functioning, or constantly feeling like you have to hold everything together.
When pain stays unnamed, it gets repeated.
Why Healing Ourselves Matters for Our Kids
A central theme of this episode is the impact parents have when they’re willing to do their own emotional work. Stacy speaks honestly about generational trauma and how cycles continue when pain goes unaddressed, not because parents don’t care, but because they don’t have the tools or support they need.
Children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to listen without shutting down, who can tolerate discomfort without becoming defensive, and who are open to being human.
I was reminded again that I can’t take my children places I’m unwilling to go myself. When parents begin healing, even imperfectly, it creates safety. It gives kids permission to speak, to feel, and to trust that they won’t be alone with their hard emotions.
Healing isn’t about blame. It’s about breaking cycles with compassion.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Connect with Stacy
You can learn more about Stacy’s work, her book With Love from a Children’s Therapist, and download the first chapter for free at stacyschaffer.com.
She also shares thoughtful, grounded insights for parents and caregivers on Instagram at @hoperestored.
P.S. If this episode resonates with you, please reach out. I truly want to hear your story. You can DM me on Instagram @jenaburris or email me at jena@jenaburris.com. Your voice matters — and I’m here for you.
