Share your comments with Marcia
You tried to communicate. You tried therapy. You tried being vulnerable. You tried leaving the room. You tried silence. And when nothing else worked, you fought back. You yelled. You said cruel things. Maybe you even got physical. And now you're carrying shame because you think that makes you just as bad as them.
It doesn't.
In this episode, we're talking about reactive abuse - the thing that keeps survivors stuck in guilt for years, often even after they leave. It's the moments you're not proud of. The times you snapped after being pushed past your breaking point. The reactions the narcissist weaponized against you to prove YOU were the problem.
Here's what you need to understand: Reactive abuse isn't you being abusive. It's you finally going into fight mode after flight stopped working. It's your nervous system saying "I give up trying to survive any other way." And the narcissist baited you into it on purpose because they needed you to react. Your reaction validated their narrative, gave them ammunition, made you doubt yourself, and kept you trapped trying to prove you weren't crazy.
I'm sharing my own experiences with reactive abuse in my 30-year marriage - the aggression, the affair, the shame spiral that kept me compliant for years. Because I want you to understand that if a licensed therapist with over 23 years of clinical experience can fall into this pattern, you are not alone. And you are not the problem.
We break down:
If you've ever wondered if you're the narcissist, if you've been called abusive for how you responded to being abused, if you're carrying guilt about moments you wish you could take back - this episode is for you.
Stop punishing yourself for being human under inhumane conditions. Your reactions were survival. Now it's time to heal.
Every Monday at 7 PM EST, join me live in The Healing Room on TikTok and Instagram where we break trauma bonds together.
