We're in the thick of the holiday season – a time full of joy, yet jam-packed with people, parties, and productions.
This season has a dizzying effect on everyone - but especially leaders. One temptation is to put a smile on our face while skimming over the frustrations, disappointments, and other inner workings of our souls.
We have people and situations that are bothering us at a core level, but rather than leaning into difficult and heartfelt conversations, we choose instead to avoid them. When we do this, we step out of integrity.
This was how I operated for years as a pastor. I had people that were getting under my skin, but no tools to communicate what I was feeling in a healthy way. I chose instead to pretend I was feeling one way when secretly I was angry.
Take a moment to reflect. Is there a situation that is bothering you?
- A staff member is chronically late to team meetings
- Your children are texting during a family meal
- A volunteer is saying they are doing their role, but they clearly are not
- A church elder or board member is living a non-exemplary life
- Someone dropped the ball on getting out promotions for your Christmas Eve service.
Chances are, you have plenty of other examples.
To live and lead with integrity, we must be able to disentangle our emotions and values so we communicate them to others in a healthy way.
This is why my wife Geri and I developed a tool called the "Ladder of Integrity". It's a series of questions that we use to identify our emotions, values, and hopes. This allows us to communicate to others with clarity and kindness.
