How to stop negotiating with alcohol cravings, and why a firm no for today beats maybe later.
If one stray thought about wine at eleven in the morning can turn into a day-long debate with yourself, you know how exhausting a craving gets when you argue with it. Ellen Biggs and Jonathan Ball call that the negotiation, and on this episode of The Alcohol Myth Podcast they teach the tactic they both use to end it.
The negotiation is what feeds the craving. Every "let's see how I feel at three" leaves the door cracked, and with a substance that creates a need for itself, a cracked door is as good as an open one. Ellen describes the deferrals she used to make, and how by five o'clock the craving had grown every time she reopened the question.
Duck Mode is the alternative. The name comes from Annie Grace of This Naked Mind and her picture of kids in the back seat asking for ice cream: hedge once and they ask all the way home, while a loving, firm "not today" lets the asking run out of steam. You make the decision once, for today, and every argument rolls off like water off a duck's back. Ellen finds five or ten clean no's and the voice stops asking. Jonathan tried it on a post-lunch ice cream craving and found it gone within five minutes.
Ellen is upfront that this takes some muscle early on, alongside the deeper belief work. Then give your brain a better question to chew on, and it will go find one.
Picture the craving as a bonfire. Attention is kindling, and every drink is a log. Jonathan sees this with men who come to him wanting to cut back: wishing for a smaller fire while you keep feeding it is the hardest path there is. A craving you stop arguing with runs out of fuel.
For today, pick a window as short as fifteen minutes and ask whether your next move adds fuel or takes heat away. Then go get a few reps in the leave-it column!
Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/ | Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/
CHAPTERS
00:00 Fuel on the fire, or less heat?
02:37 The myth: you have to negotiate
04:00 Shut every door for today
05:13 A cracked door is an open door
06:17 Jonathan's ice cream test
07:50 Ellen and the Halloween candy
10:31 What is Duck Mode?
12:38 Give your brain a better question
14:58 Your craving is a bonfire
17:07 Why cutting back is the hardest path
19:47 Reps in the leave-it column
FROM THIS EPISODE
"Five, ten nos and it stops asking."
QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS
Q: How do I stop thinking about drinking all day?
A: To stop thinking about drinking all day, make one firm decision early, for today only, and stop reopening it. Every maybe-later restarts the debate and gives the craving time to grow. A clear no leaves your brain nothing to bargain with, so it moves on to other things.
Q: What is Duck Mode for alcohol cravings?
A: Duck Mode is a craving tactic from Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. You make a firm, loving decision once, for today, then let every argument against it roll off like water off a duck's back. With no negotiation left to win, the craving voice usually goes quiet.
Q: Why is cutting back on drinking so hard?
A: Cutting back on drinking is hard because every drink feeds the craving you are trying to shrink, so moderation means tending a fire while wishing it smaller. A stretch of not drinking lets that fire die down, and the choice you make afterward becomes a real one.
Q: Do alcohol cravings go away if you don't give in?
A: Alcohol cravings usually fade when you stop engaging them. Arguing with a craving, planning around it or postponing the decision all count as engaging, and each one adds fuel. Ellen Biggs finds five or ten firm no's are usually enough for the voice to stop asking that day.
You do not need to wait for rock bottom.
You do not need more willpower.
You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink.
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Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/
Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/
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