Maybe you're like me and your insecurities are ruining your marriage.
Since it’s our anniversary month, I included in my Secret Donuts series here on the podcast the section I wrote about our marriage. My husband, Ray and I are celebrating 11 years of marriage this year and it’s been a beautiful journey. We are meant for each other. Seriously, during pre-marital counseling we agreed on basically everything, held all of the same beliefs, had similar ambitions ...the works. We worked at the same job for years on location, in the same room teleworking, shared the same after work hobbies, share household and parenting responsibilities and all of that. We could be around eachother nearly all the time and never grew tired of one another. We hardly ever argue, never raise our voices, and just get along really well. I believe God made our marriage and our children so easy because He has so much work for us to do as a unit and he didn’t want us to be distracted.
Yet where there’s a will there’s a way.
You see, in my mind, my husband is like Jill Scott’s character’s husband in Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married.” He’s utterly disgusted with her weight, disrespectful about it, disappointed in her and has stopped loving her because she let herself go. But in my mind my husband is also like Jill Scott’s character’s other husband in Tyler Perry’s, Why Did I Get Married. He’s supposed to love me into self-care, invite me to work out, encourage me, root for me and hold my hand until I get my ish together. My husband is neither. My husband is simply my husband. He doesn't exist to focus on my weight in one way nor the other. But depending on the day and let’s face it, my hormones, I’m treating him like he’s one or the other of these husband characters instead. My insecurities and obsession with my weight have been projected onto my poor husband time and time again and has unfortunately caused unnecessary tension in our marriage through the years.
Over the course of writing the book I realized I needed to zoom out and get in alignment with God on the subject of myself so that I could apply what I learned to my marriage. Doing so brought so much more peace to our relationship.
Proverbs 14:1 says "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands."
I apply this scripture to my life in many ways. I build myself up and get secure in Christ so that I am not giving Ray a load he’s not supposed to bear. I’ll be honest and say that I am not there yet. I still slip up from time to time. Everytime I get insecure, I end up feeling crazy about and angry with myself. And I am reminded that it’s me not Ray. I go back to the principal that God loves me unconditionally. From there I can accept that my husband does, too. Believing that stops me from tearing my house down with my own hands.
This episode is part three of a 4-part series that tackles some of the themes from my book:
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"In Secret Donuts, Alicia Watson takes us through her story of her obsession with losing weight, something she believed was a necessary step to carrying out her purpose, when in fact her compulsive need to do so was the hindrance."
