"I love the way you phrased that: 'Would you be willing to share?' And that's not just words. It actually matters because you're asking someone to be vulnerable enough to sort of expose their woundedness – to expose this is the thing that hurt me, and that is a vulnerable thing. And sometimes they're going to say no. Sometimes it really is the case that all of your best intentions, doing all the things we're recommending here, just drag them further into someplace they don't want to go and make the harm more. So I love that frame of, 'Would you be willing to share with me?' That has to come with 'and they might say no, and that has to be totally fine.' As uncomfortable as I am that I didn't get to repair, or I didn't get to do something to make it up, or I didn't get to try and fix it, that's my discomfort. And if that's the thing that that person wants most or that they're most comfortable with, then what I do to repair this is live with my own discomfort that I didn't get to repair it."
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