I am mindful. Sometimes I don't always feel it, I let my actions or reactions get in the way. Being mindful is being present. And today I discuss some small moments that helped me realize in reflection that I felt mindful. I was aware of what I was doing and saying.
Special Thanks:
My friends
Action Speak Louder Than Words
Today's Manuscript:
I felt mindful.
I think about how may times I have said “that made me feel” or “he/she made me feel” and I am reminded that NO ONE can MAKE you feel anything. the feelings are mine.
They said this in season 16 on grey’s anatomy. Jo puts herself in a treatment facility and she is sitting in there with her counselor/therapist and says “mad me feel” and her counselor corrects her.
I’ve heard this before, right. And I get it it… it is basic communication. Communication in our time is so essential and we think about how many people are misunderstood or how often I am unable to convey the message I want.
Without the run-around.
People at my husbands job seem to be rooting for him to move into a position because of his no-bull-shit communication.
As females we literally over communicate often… or at least most of us. we let our feelings and emotions get involved. It is how we are made.. I believe we are made this way for a reason. And that same reason is why we take care of the kids, we have the natural ability to sense someone else’s needs and to take on someone else’s feelings. There is no shame in this.
There is however, boundaries, and a protective layer we have to put on so that we do not get hurt and hurt others.
Right?
“Hurt people, hurt people”
Just this morning I caught myself speaking too much about my experience. While, it is still my experience and a hurt that I now realize I have not completely healed… I have to be mindful of what I say.
Mindfulness is literally defined as:
one
the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
or
two
a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
with that said, not only are we able to be mindful/ living in the now (thanks ekhart tohlle)
we are conscious and aware that our actions speak louder than our words. (proverb, right)
One thing that always killed me with roommates in my 20’s was if I was taking out the trash, or sweeping the floor, doing the dishes, you name is I’d hear this “I was gonna do that” And my mental thought was… “then why didn’t you?”
I don’t know if my husband and I have just lived with each other so long that we just have this unstated agreement that what is done is done.
I finally told him how annoyed I was when he would tell me “I did the dishes” or whatever chore that I had put off I think in my head “I do that all the time.. you did it the one time I didn’t…. oh praise you.” ha. It always felt like a stab in my back/side.. whwatever. So, I finally told him…. and he doesn’t do it anymore. And I make it a point to say “thank you for doing that”. (remember how much I hate laundry…. can he do that chore? loooove you.)
So these little unspoken agreements happen over time… and we are mindful of each other. It has taken us a LONG time to get here… and we are here, most of the time.
So, back to what I was saying…
hurt people, hurt people.
Think of how many times you blew up at someone, or got frustrated with that person. Was there something deeper there?
YES. very likely. I can not think of a specific instance in this moment… other than the others I have already mentioned. However, I know…. there is usually something deeper.
So when I am not healed… I hurt others. With my words. And with my actions. I reflect on this morning, and I said something to someone one time… whom I later got clear with… that I realized was all on me. I was hurt, and I stabbed this person with my words.
So… I urge you. Next time you say something mean, tell something negative about someone else, or even take something personal yourself. Search deep. Seek for the truth behind it, and seek for what is underneath.
My mom speaking illy of yoga, I know is because she was probably down talked to growing up, based on what I know of her upbringing.
Me speaking illy of someone else today, was because this female hurt me and her actions really did not make sense to me. She is not a nice person. And if she is.. I have NEVER seen her nice side. I worked so hard to get her to smile back at me over a few years, that she finally did. And that is when I felt like we could co-exist.
So I began to dig deep on my ride home… why did I say that, and why did I say it the way I did… I was venting to a friend, and also why did this come up? Maybe there is still hurt there that I did not realize I have to let go.
And thus.. this practice of faith and love comes in. I asked myself if I can let it go? My answer is absolutely.
Part of living clear is not letting these things linger. I realized that by speaking about it it is still lingering, however I am here simply sharing my experience of letting go of something…. in hopes that you might find some hope as well.
As an empath and a female… it is easy for us to take on emotions of others. So seek the truth within YOUR soul.
When hurt arises… ask why? Ask how can you let it go? ask what is next?
See, in Grey’s anatomy for Jo, it was throwing things at a wall. Jo was holding onto the anger of her past and she had to let it go. So she throw things at a wall… and she threw them until she felt better.
This is a good method. And sometimes, it is communicating with another human about how they hurt you. Truth be told, they may not even realize they hurt you.
I can reflect on the moments when I have cleared the air with other humans… how eye opening the situation was. And sometimes the other person may not be ready, you can still clear your side of the street. I think of a moment I did this, and the other person just wanted to insult me, and dive deep into how wrong I was… and all I could think as she was beating me down with words… why are you doing this to me? Here I am apologizing and you are continuing to word punch me.
In those moments that is when I remind myself, it is not mine anymore.
I let it go. It is free. There stuff.
And I carry on. And fly on. Life is too short and too good to let negative feelings and emotions linger long.
What are you holding onto?
What hurts you?
Are you currently hurt?
Are you wondering where the truth is?
Rest in this simple fact that God so loved the world. And that world is You. for you are in the world.
There is always love. As there is always light.
Namaste my friends. <3
