Scene 1
[Scene: Chandler&`&s Office, Chandleris on a coffee break. Shelley enters.)
Shelley: Question. You&`&re not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.
Chandler: Ah, y&`&see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said&`&co-dependent&`&, or &`&self-destructive&`&...
Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?
Chandler: Yes please.
Shelley: Okay. He&`&s cute, he&`&s funny, he&`&s-
Chandler: He&`&s a he?
Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- Ithought- Good, Shelley. I&`&m just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel&`&s, everyone is there.)
Chandler: ...I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y&`&know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...
Chandler: You did?
Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe&`&sentire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Monica: I did.
Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Joey: Not me.
Ross: No no, me neither. Although, uh,y&`&know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.
Chandler: You&`&re kidding! Did you tell her I wasn&`&t?
Ross: No. No, it&`&s just &`&cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Phoebe: I dunno, &`&cause you&`&re smart,you&`&re funny...
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d&`&you ever think that about him?
All: Yeah! Right!
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Monica: Okay, I-I d&`&know, you-you just- you have a quality.
All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.
Scene 2
[Scene: Chandler&`&s Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandlerenters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Shelley: (sheepish) Hey. Look, I&`&m sorry about yesterday, I, um-
Chandler: No, nono, don&`&t- don&`&t worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew!
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just havea-a...
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Shelley: Y&`&know, it&`&s a shame, because you and Lowell would&`&ve made a great couple.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services&`& Lowell,that&`&s who you saw me with?
Shelley: What? He&`&s cute!
Chandler: Well, yeah... &`&s&`&no Brian in Payroll.
Shelley: Is Brian...?
Chandler: No! Uh, I don&`&t know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I&`&d like to think you&`&d set me up with someone like him.
Shelley: Well, I think Brian&`&s a little out of your league.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don&`&t think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian.
