[Scene: Monica and Rachel&`&s, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?
Rachel: Well, sure...just a sec, though, &`&cause Paolo&`&s on his way over.
Phoebe: Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um,
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs...
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven&`&t known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don&`&t make them a lot because I don&`&t think it&`&s fair to the other cookies.
Rachel: All right, well, you&`&re right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I&`&ve ever had.
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don&`&t.
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me.
(Rachel looks stunned)
Rachel: I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he&`&s so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I&`&m so embarrassed!
Phoebe: I&`&m so embarrassed, I&`&m the one he hit on!
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel and Phoebe: I&`&m so sorry! No I&`&m sorry! No I&`&m sorry! No I&`&m sorry!
Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?
Rachel: I don&`&t know...right, he&`&s the pig!
Phoebe: Such a pig!
Rachel: Oh, God, he&`&s such a pig,
Phoebe: Oh he&`&s like a...
Rachel: He&`&s like a big disgusting...
Phoebe: ...like a...
Rachel: ...pig...pig man!
Phoebe: Yes, good! Ok...
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It&`&s because... he&`&s gorgeous, and he&`&s champ3ing, and when he looks at you...
Rachel: Ok, Ok, Pheebs...
Phoebe: The end.
Rachel: Oh, God...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it&`&s, it&`&s, it&`&s much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her)
