Scene 1
ROSS: What are you talking about?
MONICA: I&`&m talking about me having a baby.
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: Are you serious?
MONICA: I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that&`&s when I came up with the baby plan.
ROSS: Well, aren&`&t you forgetin&`& something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy&`&s name? Dad!
MONICA: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I&`&ll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that&`&s just stupid.
CHANDLER: That, that&`&s what&`&s stupid.
MONICA: I don&`&t need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff.
Scene 2
MONICA: Okay, he&`&s 6&`&2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
CHANDLER: You mean there&`&s more than one of us.
ROSS: Look, you can&`&t do this Mon. All right, if you do this, I&`&m, I&`&m gonna, I&`&m, I&`&m gonna.....
MONICA: You&`&re gonna what?
ROSS: I&`&m gonna tell Mom.
RACHEL: Honey, I&`&m sorry, but he&`&s right. I love you, but you&`&re crazy.
ROSS: Crazy.
MONICA: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn&`&t the ideal way to something....
ROSS: (interrupting her) Oh, it&`&s not the ideal way...
MONICA: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I&`&m so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know?
MONICA: Okay, all right, how&`&s this? 27. Italian-American guy. He&`&s an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he&`&s the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: &`&New York Knicks, rule!&`&
JOEY: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
MONICA: Joey, this is you!
JOEY: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right.
RACHEL: When did you go to a sperm bank?
JOEY: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
CHANDLER: And that&`&s how you bought it?
JOEY: Noooo, that&`&s what I was wearing when I donated. I&`&m kinda surprised there&`&s any of my boys left.
MONICA: Well, honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean I&`&ve got an actual rocket scientist here.
JOEY: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my &`&Days of Our Lives&`& gig on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.
Scene 3
JOEY: Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
JOEY: Where you going?
MONICA: To the bank.
JOEY: Sperm or regular?
MONICA: Sperm.
JOEY: So you&`&re really doing this, huh?
MONICA: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135.
JOEY: Sounds nice.
MONICA: &`&Fraid so. Brown hair, green eyes...
JOEY: No kiddin&`&, hmm.
MONICA: What?
JOEY: No, I-I figured you would&`&ve picked a blond guy.
MONICA: Really? Why?
JOEY: I don&`&t know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name like.... Hoyt.
MONICA: Hoyt?
JOEY: It&`&s a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool.
MONICA: Really, is he a swimmer?
JOEY: He&`&s got the body for it.
MONICA: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What?
JOEY: You guys have one of those signs that says: &`&We don&`&t swim in your toilet, so don&`&t peein our pool.&`&, you know.
MONICA: We do not have one of those signs.
JOEY: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids.
MONICA: Two girls and a boy?
JOEY: Yeah!
MONICA: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they&`&re, they&`&re running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.
JOEY: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you know this way sounds good too.
MONICA: Yeah.
JOEY: Oh Monica.
