For the past several years I have been the primary caregiver for my elderly father-in-law who suffered from COPD a degenerative lung condition. This past Sunday he passed away on Canadian thanksgiving and this is the Eulogy I wrote for him. I am worried I won't compose myself to speak so I recorded it .. well now that it is recorded all be it not perfect I thought why not share it ... and I can follow it up with so many lessons I learned caring for him over the years.
Andy's Eulogy by Jessica Danford
Nadine, Mark and I got to spend the last couple of days together going through all of the photos and memories that you see in the slide show and throughout the room.
As you will see many of the memories of the last several years were the family together around the table
OR as I called it ANDYS STATION…
Although Andy and Mary had been separated for many years they remained good friends. And we were all blessed to still be able to join together often as a family for dinners, and lunches, to celebrate special occasions as well as care for Andy.
It meant a lot to him that his family did so much for him …
ANDY was a man of Pride and integrity. Family and hard work, good times and good friends.
It has been a pleasure spending this past week recalling stories of Andy's life and hearing stories and memories from all of you ….
Many of you may have seen my personal stories and experiences with Andy over the last almost 8 years through my social media where I shared # LIFE WITH ANDY...
Some of you may be surprised to hear Andy was somewhat of a social media celebrity… He loved to share bits of our day with my community and they in turn would send him messages which I would read aloud to him to brighten his day.
Like some of these messages that came through when I shared of his passing:
My inboxes were flooded with many similar messages and notes of condolences to his whole family.
I'm not here today to tell all of Andy's stories… like the one, how they used to pull the kids out of school to send them into the crop fields to collect and kill bugs instead of insecticides so they had food…. CRAZY RIGHT
HIS STORIES WERE HIS TO TELL and yours to remember and share with each other.
We invite you to join us after the service today at Open cork one of Andy's favourite spots. Come join us for a rusty nail his favourite drink and share your stories in celebration of Andy with the family.
I wanted to speak today to honour the type of guy Andy was and all The time we spent together. I wanted to make sure his family and friends knew how much he loved you all. I know so much about all of you from endless conversations with Andy throughout the years.
For those of you who don't know me my name is Jessica I am Mark's girlfriend and I was Andy's primary caregiver for the last 5+ years. A role I never saw coming and will cherish forever. At the beginning of my chapter on Andy's life I was living with him and Mark. Andy had just recently been diagnosed with COPD (a degenerative lung condition)
I was working full time and would get up early to go to work, I would get up even earlier to go to the gym before work
BUT ANDY … WELL ANDY he would get up EVEN EARLIER than that
to make a fresh pot of coffee and be there to greet me very early every morning with a hot cup of coffee and a chat … over the years that got harder for him and more and more he questioned why I was going to work and not staying to help him … he struggled but the struggle definitely got worse over the years yet he always kept in good spirits. I was a workaholic anyone who knew me back when I started dating mark knew I never took days off, and barely made it to holidays. Andy understood he loved work.
He always would say if it wasn't for this thing (as he grabbed his oxygen) that he would be at work right now .. he longed to go out on the world as he sat for the last several years at his station with his most prized possessions ( a pen, a knife, a Rubik's cube, his little black phone book with all of your phone numbers lol stained so bad he couldn't read it, and most importantly his stories and memories of his life and all of you) he wanted so badly to go back to work to take care of the world and his family and friends
THIS MUST BE WHERE YOU GET IT FROM MARK.
synchronicity had aligned that it was the right time for me to pivot my life. I was the right one for the job of helping him maintain as much of his independence each day as possible until the end. This blessed me with time to accomplish many projects with Andy always at my side. Contributing his knowledge and being my number-one advisor. As we collected and donated thousands of pounds of food and sat together at his station doing inventory and me listening to his stories while we got everything ready for delivery.
As a caregiver, you come to know someone on a level no one else does spending 24/7 365 with someone. most don't do that with anyone except perhaps a new child … you build a bond where you come to know that person almost better than yourself. They rely on you for everything you learn all the nonverbal ques, their secrets, what makes them angry happy and everything in between. All the things they don't want anyone else to know because they want to keep their independence and dignity.
In his last days he just always asked me about everyone and if everything was okay at home. If Mark was okay and Nadine and Mary. Knowing you were all okay gave him peace.
Andy was well known as a hard-working, DURING ONE of the condolence calls from family I believe it was Mathew he said to Mark and Nadine … "ANDY!!! THE GUY NEVER HALF-ASSED ANYTHING" …like I said Andy was a man of integrity and pride so his decline was hard for him.
He never wanted his family to see him struggle or inconvenience them in any way. He would often give me a little side eye when he needed help but didn't want to alarm anyone. It was our little secret.
The love he had for his family MARY, MARK and NADINE was huge. He was so proud of you all.
AND HE WAS SO SO SO GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING YOU ALL DID WE ALL DID FOR HIM. How symbolic he left on thanksgiving.
***
I kept an ongoing note in my phone called life lessons from Andy over the years… there are so many random facts and tips: here are some of them it starts with
And with that … get out there try things do what lights you up, be a good person don't judge others by their clothes like people do now, judge them by their hearts.
I can hear him say it now … "YOU GET ME" asking for confirmation I understand what he is saying.
OR WHEN HE WOULD SAY... THE THING OF IT IS …
The thing of it is … He would want me to share his FAVOURITE BOOK which is called
THE POWER OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND …
He often warned people to be careful how you think your mind is powerful control their thoughts think happy positive thoughts…
AND WHEN HE LOST SOMETHING
like his favourite pen or his little wooden-handed knife, he would recite the words from the book …
"the power of my subconscious mind reveal to me all I need to know" … with that he would sit back down and trust that the item would very shortly come back to him .. IT ALWAYS DID …
***
ON OUR LIFE WITH ANDY EPISODES we often pulled I AM affirmation cards for people who logged in to say hi to us.
The famous I AM AT EASE VIDEO which you may have seen in the slide show …. was the most powerful
it stuck with Andy and WE SAID IT MOST NIGHTS WHEN I HELPED HIM TO BED and he was fighting for his breath ….
Andy struggled so much with breathing WE TAKE FOR GRANTED HOW POWERFUL A BREATH CAN BE, fuel and power us, to cleanse us, centre and calm us …
SO I WILL END THIS WITH HOW I ENDED EACH DAY WITH ANDY
I coached him to take a deep breath three times…
WE WILL DO THIS TOGETHER NOW
***
YOU WILL; Breathe in through your nose then hold it in for a count of 3 and then breathe out through your mouth...
It is important you Breathe in fully to fill your belly for the count of three
then blow out everything slowly for a count of 6
READY…
BREATHE in through your nose and smell the roses 1 -2 -3 …
blow out through your mouth blow out the candles…. 3- 4- 5- 6
YOU SEE NOW WITH The second breath - Here is where sometimes if he was having a bad day or a tough time I would have to pull one of his own jokes on him and say ….
BREATHE in through your nose . 1 -2 -3 Smell the shit
BREATHE OUT through your mouth blow out the candle cuz life ain't all flowers but we keep breathing.
AND NOW OUR THIRD AND FINAL BREATH To release everything …
BREATH IN through your nose - Smell the flowers 1-2-3
BREATHE OUT THOUGH your mouth - blow out the candles 3- 4 -5 -6
I AM AT EASE
I AM AT EASE
I AM AT EASE
BE AT EASE ANDY
we love you 😘
