Susan, your host, welcomes Duana Welch to today's episode. Dr. Duana (pronounced DWAY-nah) is known for writing and dating coaching that relies on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the love of their lives.
A former professor in Florida, California, and Texas for over 20 years, she has contributed to NPR, Psychology Today, and numerous other outlets and podcasts.
Her first book, Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, is now out globally in five languages; its revised and updated edition released in 2022. Love Factually for Single Parents: [& Those Dating Them] is the second book in the series, specifically geared toward finding the right partner not only for readers but their families.
She is an expert for Paired, the world's top-rated relationship app for couples. Her client practice is global via Zoom.
Key Takeaways:
Dr. Duana discusses the cases of people who lost their spouses after a lifetime of dedication to that relationship and the challenge of dating again.
People are not looking for the same things; not everyone on a dating app wants to find a partner.
People sometimes act as if they want a relationship, but often, they don't even know what they are looking for; they might not even realize they are not presenting themselves honestly.
Actions speak louder than words; check if people behave how they say they feel.
Remember this question: "What is your end goal for the relationship?" (For yourself and others.)
Learning how you show up in relationships and your attachment style are great tools to return to the dating field.
Dr. Duana explains different attachment styles: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, or Disorganized.
Once a partner is deceased or there is a living former spouse, there are stakeholders (the children, the spouse, their parents, and friends are stakeholders).
Most secure attachers can stay married for a lifetime; when their partners did not pass away, the reason for the separation can be their spouse, someone who behaves in a way that makes it impossible for a relationship to last.
Dr. Duana walks the listeners to her steps when coaching her clients.
Ask the hard questions first! Starting by having sex and seeing if feelings develop is really a recipe for disaster.
Dr. Duana helps people navigate the online dating experience, realizing what is important, what to expect, and how not to waste time.
Find someone who can understand that you will always love your deceased person.
Dr. Duana leaves the audience with these wise words: If you can find and be someone kind and respectful, your relationship will likely go very well; if you can't, I promise it won't.
Resources
Email Susan: susan@tendrilsofgrief.com
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Demon Copperhead, by Barbara Kingsolver
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find — and Keep — Love, by Amir Levine, and Rachel Heller
Meet Dr. Duana Welch
