“You probably can’t overemphasize the importance of your co-founder relationship,” says Noah Abelson-Gertler, founder coach and former public company CEO, explaining that 50% of startups and scaleups that fail do so due to co-founder relationships. Co-founders have an intimacy that is like marriage without the romance—you experience highs and lows, make major decisions together, you’re dependent on each other, and can often spend more time together than you do with your actual spouse. That is why it is so important to be as thorough as possible in getting to know your potential co-founder, asking them every possible question, their strengths and weaknesses, references, how they would respond to every possible scenario, and if you can really see yourself working side-by-side with this person for the next ten years. It is just as important to be honest with yourself, about your motivations, shortcomings, etc.
This is something that Noah wishes he had done more of with his own co-founder before entering into business with each other. But, as he mentions, the only other difference between marriage and co-founder partnerships is that co-founders aren’t given the tools and resources couples are given. That’s why he encourages all founders to find a coach because you really can’t know what it’s like until you’re in it, and as you scale and succeed, your role constantly changes.
Noah and Brendan also touch upon feelings of imposter syndrome, spurred in part by what Brendan calls “success porn.” Founders feel like they are the only ones who feel the increasing pressure that builds commensurate with success. No one has it all figured out, they agree. And if they think they do, they’re likely a sociopath.
Quotes
“You probably can't overemphasize the importance of your co-founder relationship. So from the moment that you start looking into becoming a co-founder with somebody, you want to focus as much resource on it as, as you logistically can, you're not going to be able to spend 100% of your time on it, never will. But it's wildly important to the success of your business.” (27:43-28:06 | Noah)
“The most similar relationship that you're going to have in your life to a co-founder relationship is a romantic relationship, bar none. It is wildly intimate, you are dependent upon each other, you spend an immense amount of time with each other, and you're making hard decisions constantly. Now, the difference between these two relationships is, and I talk about this a lot in co-founder coaching, a romantic relationship has a bunch of tools to it, the co-founder relationship does not.” (31:26-31:59 | Noah)
“A common thing that comes up is founders who enter into a co-founder relationship is thinking that they don't need to both better get to know themselves, and constantly work on themselves. So that's an understanding you have to have from the jump. If we're going into this together, we both have to have the humility to look at our shortcomings and look at ways that we can improve.” (35:00-35:21 | Noah)
“If you think about what really moves the needle as… it's the inner person, the soft skills that really often make the difference. Can you organize people well, and you're not going to organize and direct a team. It's like when the parents are fighting at home:..If you're not getting along, and you guys are constantly at odds, and there's tension there, the team's going to sense that in there, as you're creating a divide in your business.” (36:26-Brendan | 37:12 | Brendan)
Connect with Brendan Dell:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brendandell/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/BrendanDell
Instagram: @thebrendandell
TikTok: @brendandell39
Buy a copy of Brendan’s Book, The 12 Immutable Laws of High-Impact Messaging: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780578210926
Connect with Noah:
Foundersjourney.io
Check out Noah’s recommended books:
Radical Candor: How to be a Kick-ass Boss without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Scott
Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman
The Trillion Dollar Coach: The Leadership Playbook of Silicon Valley’s Bill Campbell by Eric Schmidt, Jonathan Rosenberg and Alan Eagle
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