Instagram.com/lisamichellle.legityou
https://www.facebook.com/groups/legityou/?ref=share
:25 Aaron Talks
Not to be a downer, but we are going to be talking about grief…
What doesn't work is holding on to your untold stories of grief. and these untold stories of grief stick with us and get played over and over again either in our minds or in our experiences.
If you experienced a major break in relationships, if you've experienced a death in your family, if you've have to move in your life, if you've experienced anything where you have loss and aspect of yourself or your life, it's ok to grief that loss.
We've been told a lie as adults that we're suppose to avoid pain at all costs. We’re taught to rush to a positive mindset without honoring the pain. That somehow being hurt isn't strong. Unlike little kids who are willing to admit their hurt, acknowledge it, cry it out, feel better and move on, adults tend to hide, avoid, compensate, and let our grief go unprocessed. When you do this you actually DON't let go of the past and instead continue to suffer for it. You hold onto it and it becomes a filter you see the world through, and so you will continue to have the experience over and over again.
What we need is to learn to listen to our emotions. How to learn how to learn from our emotions. Process our grief from the past. Welcome the pain, honor what it's there to teach us. Be our younger selves best friend. So we can experience more of the live we want to live.
My guest Lisa Zega is a mother, wife, and coach who experienced the loss of many things. The loss of the connection with her kids, the loss of death of her fiancé, and the loss of herself in her first marriage.
She's a Life Coach now that specializes in helping women process grief on all levels.
As a teenager I met Lisa years ago when she was in her first marriage, and it's always powerful to see people when they step into their full selves after many tragedies..
I'll let Lisa tell you the rest..
3:40 min
What got Lisa into grief coaching
Recognition of grief
Unsaid stories from grief that holding us back
Anything that brings up conflicting emotions is grief
3:08 Lisa’s story of grief
After Lisa divorced, her children stopped talking to her
Engaged and her fiancé died in a motorcycle accident
Happening for me rather than against me
Grief lives rent free put costs us a lot
When stories are locked inside of us, we can’t imagine a future
5:15 To Me vs For Me
Different forms of grief
Lisa’s life was “like job in the Bible”
Processing the loss of relationships and physical connection
8 min living life as a victim
Misconception of being strong
Therapist tells Lisa the truth
“Being obedient to your husband” is a great structure for living like a victim
Being a self righteous victim
10:40 min Becoming a coach
Words and wisdom are always the same thing
Getting over a break up or a death
Sadness can be a healing emotion
12 min Why is this happening to me ?
Its a victim question
The suffering you add to your suffering
Releasing the why and the idea that there’s something wrong with me
Being ok with the normal emotional responses
14 min - not intellectualizing grief
Not go sleep with someone to hide the pain
Allow for the pain without judgment
Loss is apart of many parts of loss
Pause for laughter
17:30 min Aaron’s story of his parents divorced
Aaron thinking he caused his parents divorce by bad karma
Did I wish this upon my family ?
Having the language of the heart
Our intellect was not meant to solve for our heart
In the church a scripture can solve and wish a pain away
12 year old Aaron needed a voice to conflicting emotions
18:50 min
We don’t have emotional language for our grief
Not Rushing to the good pots without comforting the pain
Welcome emotions, what are you hear to teach me
Suffering becomes a choice
20:20 min Learning to learn from your emotions
How to process sadness where there’s an acceptance period
Clean pain, and then what we make that mean
Dirty pain is the thought that comes with it
Tied in with I’m not worthy and there’s something wrong with me
22:10 min Lisa never met her biological father
What little kids do to make sense
Foundation of rejection and abandonment
Belief that creates a grief story that
23:45 some of the stories that people tell themselves
“I’m not enough” was Aaron’s story
We’re all human and going to stay human
Healing isn’t becoming perfect
Pause for laughter
Expansive humans are willing to feel all the feelings
Otherwise emotions get dulled
27 min
Your heart speaks a different language than you’re brain
Being willing to sit with your emotions
Words are healing once you understand and feel the emotional component
28 min Aaron’s story
Aaron wouldn’t be a coach if he didn’t re-traumatize himself and understand for himself
Observing yourself as the victim
Stop the overthinking, it’s a trauma response
Observing your thoughts set you free
Shame comes in to re-punish self
Rehearse the trauma over and over again
31:40 min Lisa interviews Aaron
Aaron had to grieve the loss of that relationship
Hiding sadness with anxiety
I need to go grieve the thing from your childhood
Pain is locked in a closet of a house
Being your childhood selfs best friend
34:30 min
Energy of expansion
Sold the lie that we’re suppose to avoid pain at all cost
Helping people resolve emotions
Like a kid processing pain
37:20 getting the results of childhood over and over again
Living in the familiar painful comfort
Let me tell you about my “was”-band
We get attracted to people similar energy
39 min survive and evolve
We’re always becoming more of ourselves
And honest reflection of grieving the lost
If you don’t grieve the lost you’ll head back to old ways
Refining more of your true self
You can only change what you’re aware of
Rip the band aid of awareness
Be kind to yourself and let go
38:40 creating a life that you have not yet experienced
Getting comfortable getting uncomfortable
Every human goes to the familiar
Creating and allowing new pathway
Loved
44 min Aaron endorses this message
Let’s not do math of when we met shall we?
Lisa Comes in swinging with joy
45 min Aaron Closes
Thank you for listening.
If you’d like to connect with Lisa you can go to..
Instagram.com/lisamichellle.legityou
Or find her on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/groups/legityou/?ref=share
If you are struggling in harmful relationship patterns, overthinking, people pleasing, and self doubt, you can connect with me at
You’re listening to TKOL Podcast
I’m Aaron.
Best of Love to you.