If you want great music for your podcast and social content, you can get 10% OFF unlimited licensable music at Soundstripe Music. go to thekindoflove.com/promo
thekindoflove.com
instagram.com/aarontosti
:25 min
Aaron Talks
Welcome back to part 2 of loving your partner by taking a PAUSE. No we’re turning the conversation over to what to expect after you take to pause in your relationship.
Taking a pause can be an act of love. It’s setting aside time to grow yourself and understand what you want and what you need in the relationship so you can potentially come back together and love yourselves better and each other better.
There’s not necessarily any guarantees in life. You have to be ok with mutually growing separately. Sometimes we hear the phrase “pause” and we think “break up”. We might see it as a threat. We can see it as the other person rejecting or abandoning us. Maybe its not about that. Maybe its about growing and learning your attachment style and leaning more into love.
Sometimes it takes separating yourself in the relationship to really examine yourself. Sometimes you can really look through and examine yourselves together.
Only you really know that answer. Its a challenging place, but you can do it in a healing way. It doesn’t always have to propel us back into a harmful relationship pattern.
It’s more about making a mutual agreement and be on the same page to spend sometimes apart. Know that you love each other, but this is about growth from within.
Here is my remind Nick Flora, also a self-development coach. I ask him about the dynamic of the Pause he’s taking in his relationship right now, and what he expects after…
2:55 min
What does Nick want the outcome of all the examining of self
Nick was raise with Jesus, others, you… but it’s ok to by yourself
5 min
The story we tell ourself about “what the no means”
How do you interpret the no and the yes in a relationship
6:10 min
You can be kind and direct at the same time
Whats the mutual agreement ? Are you nursing back your relationship?
8:20 min
Everything is mindful in Nick’s relationship with his former girlfriend
The trouble zone is the invisible agreements you make
It gets tricky when you want to dream again with your partner when you’re separated
11:20 min
When does it turn sexy again ? There’s a special
You’re looking for intimacy when you’re looking for sex
You have to shed a bunch of ego to be healthy with sex
There’s ways to process with out having to go to the other person to get closer
14:50 min
Your ex can be gift if you see them that way
Can you not see a break or a pause as a threat ?
Pausing the relationship but also pausing in the moment
16:20 min
projecting insecurities that end up becoming true
Nick has an anxious attachment style
Being alone is just neutral
Put “the gun” down
We don’t have to pull from our past and stop with the generalities
20:30 min
Their stories are their stories, detachment
Not everything is love or hate, it can be neutral. Is it a love or a hate interpretation
Projecting your future based on your past is harmful
22:30 min
Nick is optimistic
Hope isn’t expecting. High hope low expectation
24 min
The way Nick helps his former girl is staying out of her way
Marriage isn’t always security
Right now its a great friendship that grows where it needs to grow
25:30 min
Aaron Talk
Thanks for listening. Did anything hit you or pop out at you? Are you thinking about reframing yourself, your life or your relationships ? Are you thinking about looking at your life through a different lens? Maybe talking a PAUSE?
If you had any ah-ha’s or takeaways I’d love to hear about them in the reviews of this podcast.
If you’ve found yourself stuck in harmful relationship patterns, maybe you’ve found yourself being co-dependent. Maybe you over think, maybe you self-doubt, maybe you people please. If this sounds like you I’d love to connect.
You can go to thekindoflove.com or you can find my on instagram @Aarontosti
If you want to connect more with Nick you can find him on instagram @NickFlora
Thanks for listening.
I’m Aaron,
Best of Love to you.