Nick McGowan (00:02.842)

Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self -Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan, and today on the show, I’m gonna talk about anxiety and a process that I’ve recently started using that has really helped me out. Now everybody’s processes can be different and there are certain recipes and things that we must go through to be able to process through things subconsciously, and then there are recipes and processes that we go through to be able to help us with things.

This may work for you, it may not. It may just also kind of help you springboard onto your own process of something that can help you. But first I want to talk about anxiety. I think a lot of us don’t realize that we’re pretty much anxious often. Now some of you listening to this may go, yeah, but I’m not really ever anxious. And that may be true. You may not be. And good on you.

And there are others that are listening that are like, yeah, yeah, I’m somewhat anxious, but not all the time. When in all reality, you may be fucking more anxious than all of us. And then there are some people that are listening that go, yeah, I’m anxious. I see that and I’m working on that. And I could use some help or some guidance or I just want to hear what your thoughts are on this little process thing you got here. And for the most part, anxiety.

can be categorized as different things. We can look at something that makes us feel anxious and say, you know, I’m just feeling off today, or I’m not feeling that thing or whatever that may look like. To be real with ourselves and understand that there’s anxiety about things takes us to do work to be able to get to that point and self -realization and being self -aware with things. But then once you’re at that precipice of looking at anxiety, what do you do from there? More work.

More processing, more awareness and more things to be done with it. But not to add things to your plate, but just there’s more to be done and that’s okay. We’re constantly evolving. We’re constantly growing. We’re souls in these shells and we’re on a spiritual journey. We’re not actually on a physical journey. And that anxiety at times comes from trauma, can come from a smattering in different things. Something I’ve realized is that I’ve been anxious since I was a little kid.

Nick McGowan (02:24.93)

In fact, I don’t really know a time when I wasn’t anxious. I’ve been really good at being able to brush things off or even use things as a fuel for fire. I’m like, yeah, I’ll take that. I’ll put that straight under my seat, use that as fire to be able to light a fire under my ass and keep me moving along with things. Similarly to just getting up, rubbing some dirt on it and getting back in the game. However, if we really look at the anxiety,

wherever it has come from for you, wherever it is coming from or whatever that looks like, that’s a separate conversation. Let’s just assume that you’re looking at the anxiety. So for those that are constantly anxious or feel constantly anxious or like there’s something just bubbling there, you’re not alone. I’ve realized recently, like within the past few months, that not only have I been anxious for my entire life or seemingly my entire life,

but that there’s always some sort of bubbling under the surface. That anxiety is always there. Like it’s ready to just kind of pop. And the image that I have is of me standing on a bank of a lake and looking out and seeing all these bubbles popping up. Like if you’ve ever thrown food to fish in a pond or a lake or whatever, and you see all them coming up and just biting, there are little bubbles and little things that come up.

especially if you’re a little further back if you’re 10 15 20 feet back or whatever and you see all this it just looks like bubbling likewise with something simming simmering so if you think about just a pot of water simmering that’s what my anxiety has felt like again since I can remember there’s always bubbling that’s going on there now I don’t think that anxiety comes from the moments that we’re in I think in fact when we’re present in that moment we’re not

anxious because the anxiety tends to at least in my experience has come from past or future thinking. Thinking about things that have happened in the past experiences trying to look for patterns in things. We’re thinking about what could happen. What if I don’t do this or what if I do this or what if I say this or what if this happens? These future things could happen or these future things could not happen. Either way it’s not being in the present moment. The anxiety comes from

Nick McGowan (04:53.658)

the past or the future. Now, understanding that from my understanding that there’s been a lake of simmering anxiety. Now that I see that I can do something with it. I want to take a little bit of a side note real quick or a sidestep. It may seem like at times, uh, either in the solo episodes or with guests on the show that we go, okay, we got to this point and we kind of moved along.

That’s rarely ever the case. And I try to do this, especially when I’m on the guest episodes, to be able to get deeper with like that specific moment. Let’s talk about what that feels like and what’s going on. Because it’s not like we just go, oh, huh, I figured out there’s a lake of anxiety just constantly underneath me. Okay, I’m just gonna move along with life now. No, that’s not the case. This is something I have fucking struggled with. A battle.

talked to my partner about, I’ve talked to my coach about, I’ve talked to my therapist about, I’ve talked to the people that helped me process, I’ve talked to, I’ve talked to different people that have credentials that make sense for me to talk to them. I’ve also talked to close people in my circle, people that I’m really, really close to that I can share these things with and that it’s a thing that I’m actively working on. So it’s not like I just looked at that.

lake of anxiety and went, oh, well, there it is a G golly, let me do something about it. Everything’s okay. I’m going to move along. No, it’s there’s struggle within it. There’s anxiety within it. And if we just, from this part of the conversation forward, look at, we all have anxiety. Our levels of anxiety can be different. But in those moments where we’re feeling really anxious about things, whether we’re triggered or.

we’re thinking about something or feeling about something, that anxiety makes things cloudy. And I’m sure you can relate. I’m sure there have been times where you just feel anxious about something, like you don’t want to be in that spot and you want to hurry up and get out of there. You want to do all this thing, get away from it. And that rarely ever actually helps, at least in my experience. There have been times where I’ve been able to, again, take something and put it under my ass as a flame.

Nick McGowan (07:15.77)

and be able to use that to propel myself forward a little bit, but that doesn’t actually fix the problem. It’s just a way that I figured out to be able to cope with that in the moment and then be able to find a silver lining in it where I go, all right, well, if it’s going to fucking happen, I’m going to do something with it and I will control it. That’s not always been the healthiest thing, just straight up has not. And these are things that I work on daily. I have conversations.

with my partner daily about these things. I have conversations with myself, conversations with God about this stuff. And being able to work through it and process through it. I mean, even in the stuff that I’m reading and the session.

Nick McGowan (07:59.522)

stuff that I’m

the anxiety, if it’s there for you, know that you’re not alone. Something I’ve realized recently is that at that base level of anxiousness, it’s hard for me to do things with a clear mind because there’s always something kind of clouding the way with that anxiety and being able to figure out that I’m not looking at things clearly. I’m not able to move upon things clearly. I need to remove myself from that anxiety.

However, I don’t want to remove it and just put dirt on it, get back in the game and keep moving along. That’s not what I’m looking for. And I would challenge you to not look for that as well. It can be easy for us to be able to say, well, this is how I cope with this thing. This is what I do. And this is what happens. It’s almost like any addiction that we have. I was having a conversation recently about somebody who I love dearly, who has an addiction and that addiction.

has been compounded because of the anxiety and the traumas this person experienced throughout life. And they figured out how to cope with it by drowning it and disappearing from that space that they lived in with those traumas. And then it just became part of their life and part of what they do to the point where they don’t actually know what it’s like to be able to process through those things.

because there are layers and levels to get through to get back to that or to even get close to it. So I’m not saying to just take these things and just say, well, this is what I do when I move along. I want you to be able to look at the anxiety that you have for what it is and do everything to not let it crumble you, but to feel it. And this is something I’m actively doing. I’m actively feeling all the things.

Nick McGowan (09:54.01)

That have been suppressed and all the things that I’ve worked through or worked on, but hadn’t really actually worked through or worked on at least at the level that I know I’m capable of being able to do. And if you’re listening to this, hell, if you listen to this podcast at all, I believe in you as well. I believe that you can do the work. I believe that you’re already starting to, that’s why you listen to this. That’s why you’re part of this community. And I want to encourage you. You’re not alone with this and keep moving along.

So if you see that lake of anxiety or you feel the simmering underneath, then maybe this process will help you. The process that I’ve really come to understand for myself recently, having gone through coaching sessions, acupressure sessions, deep subconscious processing sessions led me to this point where I realized that I can, I can tell myself things that can get me back to something.

I know I’m being a little obscure and ambiguous with it, but the reason why I say it like that is there are certain things that we can do within our own systems to be able to click ourselves back in place or to be able to get ourselves a look at something different. For those of you who get that.

you’ll understand that we, as our bodies and as our minds, we can control them to an extent, but our traumas and our triggers and past experiences really show up in different ways. And sometimes it’s hard for us to be able to control those certain things. Something I’ve realized over the years is I can say a anchored word to get me back into a space. So for the anxiety.

I’ve realized recently that what I need to say is the word calm. I’ve joked with people over the years, hell, I’ve even joked on this podcast with guests and even on my solo episodes, that part of my energy comes from the location that I grew up and the years that I spent in the Northeast of the United States in Philadelphia. And really, I don’t believe that’s the case. I think a lot of what the energy was.

Nick McGowan (12:14.138)

was from generational trauma.

figuring out how I could be loved, how I could not be abandoned. And that energy became part of what people knew of me. There are times where people that I’ve known for years and years and years, if I’m real quiet, they go, Oh, what’s wrong with him? Because I wasn’t animated. I wasn’t being the class clown or making jokes about things. And I was just being. And I’ve realized that the way that I was before wasn’t actually the way that I am.

It’s what I grew into because I felt like it was something that could help me win in life and something that could help me cope with those situations so being able to look at those things and understand that I Need to click myself back into place I have realized that I can anchor myself with a word and I can call that word in and I can do something from there So the process that I’ve figured out recently is a three -step process I’m gonna break this down a little bit

I’m going to just tell you how I do it and what I do and then encourage you to be able to do what you want to do with it. If you want to use it, if you want to use it as a springboard, if you want to say, well, that was a cool 20 minute episode, great, whatever you want to do with it. What I do is when I feel like things are getting anxious and I can be self -aware in that moment that things are anxious, it does take my mental fortitude and strength.

be able to call in the word to be able to do something. But I’ve anchored within the word calm, where once I feel like things are really anxious or there’s stuff that’s going on, I can feel like my skin is starting to crawl or I just kind of want to jump out of my body. I can tell myself calm. And that calm is the first part. Once I tell myself calm, it sets a level of calmness over my body. Now again, this isn’t like one of those things where I say this magical word.

Nick McGowan (14:19.066)

And everything in the fucking universe just goes my way. That is not how this works. I’ll say the word calm and it’ll trigger in my body to be calm. I’m telling my system, my nervous system specifically, just be calm.

Nick McGowan (14:36.984)

feel myself being more calm. And in that first step of being calm, that helps me be clearer in what’s going on and what’s happening. Now let’s remove any situation that’s happening, like if there was a person with a gun in front of you or somebody standing there looking at you, expecting an answer or something like that, just remove any of those sort of pressures and just think about when

you’re getting anxious and when things are happening and you feel like I’m just starting to get really worked up, you can tell yourself to be calm. You can anchor yourself into that word to feel like you can just be calm. So that first step that I go through is telling myself to be calm. And that leads me to the next step. I’ll go from calm to being.

Nick McGowan (15:32.364)

and I tell myself to be calm, just literally using the word calm. My body, my mind starts to align together to be calm. It helps me almost in like a meditative state to just be present and be in the moment. So I’ll go through steps one and two pretty quickly where I’ll become calm. And by being calm, it helps me to be present. And then step three will come into play where I’m centered.

So I’ll go through a situation, something’s happening, there’s a lot of things that are going on and I can feel the anxiety starting to rush up and I’ll tell myself calm. That calm will set me into a state of calm which will make me present, which will keep me present in this moment, in this specific moment. And from that point I can then be centered. And once I’m centered, I can act upon something. It’s pretty simple, but it’s something that has worked for me really well.

And it’s also something that I’m actively working on. It’s not something again, where like I’ve created this magical three -step system and everything in the whole universe is completely hunky -dory. That is not the case at all. This is the way that I look at it. This is like one of those situations where I’m able to set up a process for myself to then actually be able to do something without interpretations and without expectations, detaching myself from the results.

of it and to truthfully be able to look at something, whether it be a situation, whether it be relationships or really anything, anything that makes us anxious. So again, something will happen. I will feel it starting to come up and there is, there’s kind of, there’s work to be done to get to the point where you can feel things happening.

Instead of just feeling like I’m just naturally and always at a state of anxiety. There are moments where you’re not. Sometimes it’s just when you’re sleeping. Sometimes it’s when you’re, I don’t know, maybe using the bathroom and just you’re all alone or when you’re in your car driving home from work or to somewhere or whatever. There are moments where you’re not anxious and think about those moments and feel into those moments because that’ll help you realize when you are anxious.

Nick McGowan (18:00.896)

So when you are anxious and you feel like I can feel this stuff coming up What I do is that I use that as a trigger. I’ll say oh, I feel myself getting real anxious right now What do I do in that moment? I just say the word calm and that calm just brings me to a present moment where I’m calm and in that present moment and then I can be centered and I can feel the shift in my being like even as I talk about it I

think of and feel into those moments where it’s like things are anxious and I can feel my body starting to buzz and all of that and I go calm. Calm sets me in a present moment which then makes me centered and focused and be able to ask questions or act upon or not act upon or do whatever is necessary in the next phase of that situation. But if I didn’t do that like I had done for a long time,

Would react to things I’d be triggered and I’d be like, oh what the fuck or whatever I would say things or I would make a face about things or I Would just react because I was triggered Instead of allowing any sort of anxiety or any trigger to come up and go

In fact, what I use outside of the word calm is whenever anything happens, I go calm. Whenever anything happens, I go calm. That was something I had worked on and figured out in an acupressure session. Being able to figure out how do I deal with this? I really locked into whenever anything happens, I go calm. And that word calm.

again, brings me to a present moment, which then allows me to be centered. And from that place of being centered, I can act, or I can do, or I cannot do, but I can move along with the rest of my life in that moment without being reactive, without having that anxiety taint whatever happens from there. So this three step process for me,

Nick McGowan (20:17.702)

Is using the word calm to be able to tell my body and mind that this is what we’re doing We’re being calm and again, whenever anything happens I go calm from that calm I then become present and once I’m present I can then become centered and once I’m centered I’m then focused and I’m able to do something with the next bit. Oh Candidly, there are times where I can feel myself going through this process and somebody’s in front of me

couple looks by different people where they’re like.

do it.

Nick McGowan (20:58.49)

even in conversations with my partner or with people over the phone and they can’t see what’s happening. But there are times where I have to be slow with it and I have to be okay with it. If that person feels a little weird because this thing is a little slow, like that’s fine. Because whenever anything happens, I go calm. And once I go calm, I then become present. And once I’m present, I’m then able to be centered.

And once I’m centered, I can then move along from there. And I encourage you to be able to try this out. Do the work with it. Or figure out what works for you that’s in the same line or the same vein of it. And you will start to compound on it and you’ll start to make different decisions because you’re not making decisions from a state of anxiety or less anxiety at least. Like me.

I’m going through this now where I can feel this and there are times where it’s slow and there are times where it’s quick and I can feel it shifting and me moving through those doors to be able to go from calm to present, to collected, to focused. And then I guess if I needed to add a fourth one, it would be focused, but I just kind of use it as once I go calm, I then become present. And then from there I’m able to be centered and move along. And for you.

in your day to day life, as you go through things and you think, I feel anxious right now, or I feel like something’s a little off, right? I just don’t feel right. I encourage you to be able to do the work and really figure out what the root problem of that is and where it comes from. I also encourage you to be able to have a system or process in place, like what I’ve talked about, of being able to just remove yourself from the anxiety and do something

in the next steps with it that aren’t riddled with anxiety or interpretations or expectations, just being able to be present and look at a situation for what it is, not what it should be, and being able to do with it from there. So again, this process is go calm, go present, be collected, and move along. If you have questions about this, if you need help,

Nick McGowan (23:18.81)

you want to work on this together, if you want to talk about how things of this sort can help you or ways that the anxiety has stopped you and you’re looking for ways to be able to change that or do something different with life. And you feel like your anxiety is stopping you from living the life that you deserve and that you want to live. And ultimately like it’s holding you back from your calling. I’d love to hear from you. I’d love to help however you can for coaching.

We also have programs to be able to help you with that, like journey mapping and being able to figure out what steps you need to go through and what things need to be broken from your past and what things you need to subconsciously break free of. I’d love to be able to help with that any way that I can. I hope this helps you. Thank you very much for being here with me today. And I wish you all the best with the anxiety. I’m working through it.

You’re not alone with this and you can do it.