00:08
Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan, and on this show, my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us and the lives we lead on our path to self mastery. Today on the show, we have Eric Bell. Eric is a personal car shopper. Think your very own car buying concierge. It’s such an awesome idea. See, Eric was in corporate retail management for a long time and battled through addiction and what he thought

00:38
he was supposed to be doing with his life. You know, getting the wife, the job, all the things until he was fired and went through a divorce. But just like a phoenix, he rose up from the ashes to start his business and up level his mindset and his life has changed. He’s got an incredible story and has done some very deep work to keep himself focused and productive throughout the day. Listen in, there’s some great tips in here. So let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin.

01:09
Eric, thank you for being on the show with me today. How you doing, man? I’m doing really well today. Thank you. Yeah. Well, I’m glad that you’re here to give a little bit of context to the audience. Eric and I have known each other for six years, six or seven years, something like that, which seems a little wild to think that it’s been that long already. uh He and I met each other when we were in a networking group in southeastern PA. We were

01:36
both kind of in the beginning stages of that group. It grew, think, from 15 members to 40 members or something like that. And we struck up a bit of a friendship, did some work together. He actually helped me with a car and we’ll get into that in a little bit. But Eric, can you just tell us one thing that you do for a living and one thing that most people don’t know about you? Sure, so uh what I am is I’m a buyer’s agent, a broker for automobiles. So people don’t have to go into the dealership and get amazing deals.

02:04
And I was thinking so hard about what somebody doesn’t know about me is I’m such an open book. I think I’ll have to say something that my wife doesn’t really know. So we actually watched multiple seasons of Drag Race together. And I’ve always given her the facade that, know, whatever, we’ll watch it because you want to watch it. I secretly love the show.

02:32
It’s it’s funny. It’s campy. It’s everything it’s supposed to be but I’ve never Gone out and say hey, well, let’s watch drag race, you know, it’s always her that says it so she’ll she’ll find that interesting when she what when she Didn’t you’ll probably find this interesting because when you said drag race, I thought of drag racing like cars RuPaul’s drag race. Yeah, and as you talk through that I’m like, I don’t think your wife’s gonna be into actual drag racing, but I guess drag racing Yeah, okay

03:02
Fair enough. Yeah, so that is one thing that at least I did know and I’m sure other people didn’t really And my wife doesn’t even know it, but she will now. Yeah, you’re welcome. This is where it comes out. It’s on a podcast. So you’re a personal car shopper. How in the heck did you get into that? Wow, ah that’s such a long story. um So I’ve been into cars. I was a stereotypical kid, you know, played with my little Hot Wheels and stuff as a kid and

03:31
My first dream was owning Knight Rider, of course, you know, and that was never going to happen. But I wanted to own a black Trans Am with a black semi truck and a black helicopter. And it was weird dreams. But, know, once when he started becoming when I started, I guess, growing up and becoming an adult and actually learning that you can’t own things like that unless you’re super rich. I started trading for for vehicles.

03:59
And my first trade was with the motorcycle YZ 125 from my friend’s brother. And I drove that for a few months and then sold it back to him for a profit. And then what turned that into my next vehicle. And I was like, you know, if I can do this each time, I can. I really like that. So eventually at 14 up to 16, I was going to auto auctions when I was 17.

04:27
You know, by I bought a police car at one point in my life. Texas Department of Transportation Patrol, not patrol car, but uh Camaro pursuit car. So I owned that for a little while um and then would just go to an auction, buy a car, sell it and just fell in love with doing that. And. You know, as at a young age, whenever I became an adult adult, I would always be the one people would call.

04:55
or want my opinions or go shopping with them. And so I’ve done it my entire life. I was just always that guy people would call and about, we’re going to go on 12 years ago. I was going through a really bad divorce, separating from my first wife. em And she, I had to do something that was going to fill my hole in my soul, my life that I didn’t know what was, what it was going to do. And

05:23
I decided I was going to try to make money doing that on the side, just helping people buy cars. And it progressively, there’s a lot more into that story with my ex wife and stuff that I don’t know if we have time to really go into, but I started it and it just kind of rolled into a full business. You know, it started with one, went into three, went into nine, went, you know, it just kind of

05:53
multiplied from there. Had some life happen along the way. But, you over 12 years later, it’s become something that I earn a pretty good living where I’m doing better than I was when I was in the corporate world. Bill has a lot to grow. Sure. And I appreciate that you’re ever evolving.

06:18
and that you’re constantly working on yourself and you’re working on the business and doing it in the right way without driving yourself crazy. But let’s take a little bit of a step back. So when you got the divorce and you needed to find that thing, I understand what you’re talking about. Recently I’ve gone through a divorce myself and I guess the podcast is one of those things. But what was it that actually led you to the cars? Like what was it about that that you were like, I need to find something to do that’s not destructive?

06:48
My previous life also, I was in corporate retail management and it was something that, you know, the grind of the American workforce, right? It’s the same thing in and out every day. Yeah. The corporate world that wants you to do everything for them, but doesn’t really do anything for you. I was really good at what I did. I was always in the top 10 of the entire company as far as stats and everything goes, multiple awards, but it wasn’t.

07:18
fulfilling anymore. And one thing that happened when my life blew up, I wanted to find that something that would make me happy. Because I had been doing this, even in my relationship, I was just doing the same things to put on the facade of the American dream, know, wife, two cars, house, you know, whatever, no kids, but uh that what I thought I wanted to be. And then when my life

07:48
you know, blew up or was blowing up. Um, it was one of those come to Jesus moments, you know, as, as you might, as some people might say, and, I, I put, I put it on paper and my first wife actually helped me put it on paper, the name of the company and all that stuff. And then I was like, I’m going to make this happen. And what happened was I started doing it. I noticed that it could actually be done. You know, I was doing it on the side.

08:18
I was getting some sort of traction. You know, it would come in spurts, but you know, it’d have three or four automatically. Then you go a month with nothing and then five or six would happen. And it was really exciting as it went along, you know, helping people go through the car buying process and getting paid for it. know, During this all this entire time, I was doing it part time, still working at my job, but I wasn’t getting fulfilled from that job, but I was getting fulfilled from this.

08:48
And eventually that corporation noticed I wasn’t doing anything anymore. No, I was doing just barely enough to survive. Um, and one day, uh, my boss walked through the door unannounced. I was like, well, this is it. I know what’s going to happen now because your boss doesn’t show up unannounced unless you’re getting fired. Right. Um, and where they did, I don’t think they necessarily had grounds to fire me. Uh, they did let me go with.

09:18
all my PTO time and accrued vacation time. So I got a nice little check for uh five figures to leave. So I took that check and I said, well, I’m going to officially start Phoenix Preferred. And it’s stayed that Phoenix Preferred since the beginning. And I’ll get into where the title of the company comes from too, because that has its own story. uh But I took that and ran with it and quickly began growing.

09:48
But then we have some life issues that came into, happened to why it didn’t continue to grow. But we probably will get in that a little bit later. Yeah. I think there’s a lot of people that oh really like to have whatever their side hustle is or whatever their passion project is. And that passion project or that side hustle can absolutely turn into a full fledged business. And your prime example of that.

10:16
I’ve had that happen to me in the past. ah I do think that there’s a balance though. You you’ve got to be able to be balanced within your job that you have and within the company that you have, but you got to balance yourself too. how did you manage, how did you manage your mindset through that to be able to understand that? I did not. Oh, fair enough. Hence why you were kind of watching and waiting for them to come fire you. Well, so I am ADHD or ADD.

10:47
ADHD, I believe is what the official uh diagnosis is. ah And I’m bipolar too, which means uh it’s very difficult for me to pay attention to one thing all for a long period of time. I get bored really quickly. I also suffer from depression episodes and manic episodes. So ah it’s all treated now. I’m doing much better as far as those uh

11:16
Diagnosis these are are as far as they are a factor but Being in it and not knowing what’s going on with my brain and being all over the place I need to do this. I need to do that. I need to multiple different things It did take its toll on on me physically and emotionally So the beautiful thing about Phoenix preferred is I did love to do it. So even

11:45
in a manic or depressive state or even ADHD, I loved to do it. So I would continue to do it. But that didn’t mean my personal life didn’t suffer for it. So I kind of put all my everything and all my eggs in that work basket and kind of let everything else fall apart. You keep saying that you did that. So when you did that, now here you are, you’ve gone through that. What does that look like being able to reflect back on that?

12:13
Well, it’s a learning experience. know, I would have, if I wouldn’t have gone through that, I would have never known that I was an alcoholic. I was a drug addict. I was ADHD and bipolar too. You know, all that came flushed out over the last, I mean, as far as the last two things, I only learned those in the last four years. The other things I learned back in 2007, but, and yes, I learned I was an alcoholic and drug addict in 2007. I didn’t really try to

12:43
And I was sober in 2007, but I kind of had a really bad life experience happen in 2010, as you know. And things happened and my life fell apart again, even after Phoenix Preferred was there. So I kind of went workaholic for a while. Yeah. Do think you did that as a coping mechanism? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I never grieved the loss of my first wife. I just…

13:12
went straight into work and working out. I was the best shape of my life for about three years after my, I actually like at the end of my relationship, I started working out. I lost like probably 40 pounds. I was looking at old pictures. I saw a picture and it was just, I was just, I couldn’t believe how muscular I was. And I still saw myself as a big guy. But I worked out, I worked and I dated as soon as this,

13:42
my wife and I split. So I never really felt that loss. I never worked on that loss. I never grieved, uh which in sobriety, you’re supposed to have your feelings. You’re supposed to let your feelings happen. And I was not doing that. I was still coping with everything with addictions of working out and feeling better, getting that adrenaline rush and work and helping people and seeing them happy. was living my life through other people.

14:11
It can be such a tough thing to sit and just be in peace because it can be scary as hell when you’re just quiet with your thoughts because your thoughts start creeping out. So having the bipolar and ADHD, I’m sure there’s a handful of people that listen to this that are raising their hands that are like, yep, right there with you. I’m sure there are other people that are like, maybe, I’ve just never gotten diagnosed.

14:38
But what were the things that stood out to you that you were like, you know, there may potentially be an issue that I need to look into. For the first few years, I was burying it regardless. wasn’t until, so between 2010 and 2019, I had bouts of sobriety with bouts of amazing life and bouts of relapse.

15:07
And a lot of that has to do with not knowing uh that I was manic or depressive or ADHD. I couldn’t understand why my brain was the way it was. Like I couldn’t focus on anything. At times I could take on the world, but never accomplish a thing. And other times I never wanted to get out of bed, you know. uh And those times I never wanted to get out of bed. The only way I knew

15:37
how to deal with it eventually was a drink, you know, and it led that way again. And there’s a long period of time, 2010 to 2019, well, 2007 to 2006, 2013, was sober for six years. Now, sober from drugs and alcohol is one thing. Living a sober life,

16:06
and doing the next right thing. ah

16:11
another. So uh I was still workaholicking and exercising too much and looking for that uh fix somewhere else, it finding love somewhere else. I’ve met my wife uh in 2011, I believe, and I known her for a couple years before, but fell over heels in love with her almost immediately because I was looking for something other outside of myself.

16:42
So uh there’s a lot of learning that went in the last 12, 13 years. And it really wasn’t for the last, and I’m skipping around here. A uh lot has happened in Phoenix Preferred and me personally over the last 12 years. uh But it really wasn’t until the pandemic or uh

17:11
Me having my last relapse, went into treatment in early April, May of 2019. And that’s how long I’ve been sober, just to let you know, April 2019. So I am coming up on three years, one day at a time. But finally, for the first time, I said, I can’t do this anymore.

17:41
and I went into treatment and then the pandemic hit, you know, shortly after that, ah it one year later, the pandemic hit. ah So I had a year under my belt and then the pandemic hit and the pandemic was actually the best thing that could happen to me ah in my sobriety. And one of the things that I decided to do was

18:07
I went to more meetings and at first it was I over abundantly. Oh, I went to too many meetings. I was trying to get out of myself by getting on zoom and doing two things too many things, but I met my current sponsor in a meeting and I decided to do more therapy also. So I learned

18:32
many things in the pandemic as far as sobriety goes and having to sit with yourself in a 940 square foot condo with one person, you know, and you have to sit with yourself and you have to be okay if you’re not going to bury those feelings out in the world like I normally would. So it taught me how to

18:59
fit with my feelings more in the last two and a half years, three years, than 15 years of trying to and work on getting sober. know? Sure. So yeah, the pandemic was actually amazing for me and my mental health. That’s such an interesting thing to hear because most people I’ve talked to business wise, just, you know, friendships or just

19:25
people that I run into, we get into conversation about the pandemic, COVID and all that stuff. That’s typically not what they say. They’re typically like, well, ah I realized I was an alcoholic because I looked at all the bottles. Or I realized that I couldn’t get my hands off myself because of whatever. I realized that I had issues in this way because of whatever. But then there’s a lot of people that don’t even realize that they have those things. So I think it’s the awareness to be

19:53
smart enough and open enough to go, wait a minute, this is a pattern here. So how do you work on that now, knowing that you’ve had those patterns and that you’re one day at a time, but what does your daily life look like when it comes to that? Well, it’s changed since the beginning of the pandemic also. My wife is a therapist, so she actually has built in ah processes that

20:23
He uses with her own clients and stuff. So, you know, we went into it going, okay, well, you know exactly what to do. We we’re going to do this, this and this and this. And of course that fell apart, you know, it’s easy to tell somebody to do something to do it yourself. It is a lot of work. So, you know, it’s been it’s been a roller coaster ride during the pandemic also, but it’s the stay active and to do have things to do.

20:52
you know, have a list of things to do. That’s really helped me. Um, we’re in the process of getting our house ready for, to sit, put up for sale. You know, it’s, it’s a crazy time to do that. But because I’ve had a list of things to do, it’s actually kept me really busy and focused, you know, uh, over the last couple of months. Um, and my, my work hasn’t suffered, our relationship hasn’t suffered. You know, we’ve had our drawbacks, but you know, any couple will, um,

21:19
And I think that’s been kind of the uh difference, what the pandemic has brought me versus the before times, which I knew that I needed to do these things. I just didn’t do it because it’s easy for me to run out and be in the world and just kind of forget about the list that I made. Now I’m stuck here and if I don’t get the list made, I don’t get anything accomplished. So there are days that I don’t want to get anything accomplished and I don’t beat myself up for them anymore. eh

21:48
I can, I didn’t say, I didn’t do anything today. And then my wife will say, well, you got up, right? You cleaned the kitchen, you fed the cat, made me lunch. You did this, you did that. You vacuumed the house. What did you do for work? I sent this one email. And that’s what I would be mad at is I just sent one email. She goes, well, you did all this other stuff. Stop beating yourself up. Stop being the martyr.

22:18
Yourself but for the most part I don’t do that anymore. You know, I can I can see when I start to get hard on myself ah I will list what I did To myself like okay, so you did this this and this and this you weren’t a lazy Person all day and sometimes it’s okay to be a lazy person if we stay busy all the time. It can be exhausting Yeah So I don’t beat myself up for those little things anymore, you know

22:47
At least I try not to I try to be aware of what I’m thinking of and Then I’m able for the most part I’m able to let that stuff go But my days, you know Especially the last few few weeks. We do yoga every night. I love doing And every night like whether we want to or not we can be exhausted. We’re like, are we gonna do yoga tonight? Yes, I don’t want to but yes

23:16
And so we’ll move everything out of the living room and we’ll set up our mats and we’ll do it. And we both feel great afterwards. And a lot of times after it, I will do a little bit of exercise. You know, I’ll go even further. Yeah. Go even a little further. So it’s really helped. um My mind. Sure. I actually look forward to nighttime yoga now. That’s pretty cool.

23:43
And at the start of the pandemic, bear I just like I only did yoga. My wife’s also a 500 hour licensed yoga instructor. I have my own yoga instructor in the house and I hate it. I didn’t really hate it. I just would never go. Through I would never choose to do it. Do you want to do yoga? I guess so. You know, and then eventually I started doing it in the pandemic pretty regularly.

24:10
And it got to the point where, you know, I actually liked doing it. It fell to the wayside for a little bit, but we got started again. Isn’t it interesting how once you start something, just like your wife had said, you got out of bed. That’s a big thing for some people. You put clothes on, you did this, you did that, like taking those small wins. But when you’re actually able to take that first step and continue to take that step, make the next step, next step, next step, we don’t have to do everything all at once.

24:39
but being mindful of ourselves. So I appreciate that you’re showing yourself grace and being aware of what you are doing, what you’re not doing. It’s also huge to have accountability. So for the people that are listening, be it a spouse or a friend, have some sort of accountability to be able to talk about this stuff. If you feel like, hey, I’m dropping the ball in a certain way, raise your damn hand, talk to somebody about it. I know I’ve got a few friends where I’m like, hey, I’m struggling with this and I don’t need you for anything, but I just need you to know that this is where I’m at right now.

25:09
and then they’ll be able to check in every once in a while like, hey dude, how are you doing with this thing? You’re like, ah, thank you for the reminder. But it takes that step to be able to get out and to take that first step. So I think one of the things that we need to talk about is the whole COVID thing and all of that, working from home, but as you’re battling through mental things and working on yourself, how do you also balance making sure that you are continually productive?

25:39
or at least doing something throughout each day? Writing something down every day, having some sort of goal. Be a, you know, just send an email to this dealership, you know, and that will, once I sit down and do that one email that we go, oh yeah, now I gotta send an email to this person, I gotta send the email to this person, and it kind of gets me started at the of the day. And if I’m really struggling, you write down three or four things.

26:07
You know, and if I think it’s a it’s a win if I cross off one thing in my list, because in the past I would try to do all four of them at the same time and never get anything done. But if I’m able to cross off one. Typically, if I cross off one, I’m crossing off almost all of them. Because once I get the list started and make make that goal and achieve that goal, I want to hit the next one. Yeah, a list for me, it’s writing that list down. That’s good. Do you journal?

26:36
as well? I don’t journal. uh We do. I do have a journal and we do it uh once a month and it’s something I do with my wife. Cool. A new moon celebration, a ceremony that she does uh in her practice. And we sit and meditate and we read a passage and we burn some incense and then we write what we

27:06
what we wanted to accomplish and what we will want to accomplish, know, what we want to change or be new or whatever it is. so, technically, yes, I do journal. It’s just not every day. That’s cool. So you take that and you walk that into the next month. And then each day you’re making a list of one to maybe three or four different things. And then a win for you is actually checking off one of those things, which can be huge for some people um that struggle with that.

27:35
And it’s whatever that medium looks like. I’m glad that you found that lists help for you. I know, I’m sure there are some people that will listen to this and go, lists are trash. They don’t help me. I write lists all day long. So it’s finding that one thing that actually works for you to be able to do that. Well, and there’s uh brain types and different personality types that, you know, some people can just get up in the morning and be really, really productive from the get go. And

28:03
We can’t compare ourselves to that person. You know, I can get up really quick in the morning. My wife can’t. It takes an hour to get up. I can jump out of bed and and you know, like I said, I could go I’ll go in the kitchen, get the cat bowls ready for to clean them up to get ready to get fed. ah I’ll make breakfast. I’ll make coffee. I’ll wipe down the kitchen, you know, all before she ever gets up. ah He’s not that type of person, but.

28:30
That’s a daily list for me. That’s a daily thing. That’s my routine. Once I get done with that routine and I don’t have anything else, I get kind of lost. I kind of wander around the house sometimes. ah the reason I wander around the house is if I sit down in front of the TV, I know I’m gonna get caught there. Yeah, game over, right? Well, for at least a couple hours. And that’s okay, too. It’s okay to sit for a couple hours.

28:59
And part of my job is I have to watch car reviews, you know, but for some reason I don’t watch car reviews on the TV, but I’ll watch them on my laptop right here. You know, because if I’m in my desk, I’m doing work thing, you know, and where I love to watch car reviews, that’s a work thing. So if I’m at the TV, I’m watching Marvel movies or uh watching Ozark right now, you know. oh

29:28
So, you know, it’s, it’s, that’s not a workspace. This is a workspace. Uh, but I don’t want to also don’t want to start my work base at eight o’clock in the morning. Um, because then I’ll be working from eight to eight and that just doesn’t give me time for myself in the springtime. I go, I go, I’ll go for a walk in the morning. Hey, we went for a walk yesterday and it was 12 degrees or something like that. Yikes. Uh,

29:56
I think when we actually went for a walk, was in the twenties, but needless to say, you know, that’s not what I find enjoyable. Yeah. Going for a walk on a nice spring day. That’s enjoyable. Um, but we do, you do, even if it’s cold, you do need to get outside and experience that sunlight, whether it’s cold or not. And we try to do that every day. Also. Yeah. There’s still a lot of people that work hybrid or work from home and they’re just stuck in the house and stuck is all in their mind. So.

30:25
they can leave the house or not, but it can be easy to not go out of your house for a couple days. There are times where I deal with that, where I’m like, oh, I need to go check the mail. I don’t know if I have anything in the mail, but my ass needs to get out of the house for a minute and like breathe some air that’s not air conditioning or heat that’s being pushed throughout the house. And it sounds like you’ve set yourself up to figure out these are the things that make me work when I’m supposed to work and putting yourself in the right spot. uh you know, I think like,

30:54
years and years and years ago, this may have been even high school, but I think a psych teacher had told us uh in some class, know, psych class or something, uh that you shouldn’t eat in your room. You shouldn’t eat from your bed. You shouldn’t do all things in your bed because then when you’re supposed to go to sleep, your brain’s saying, you’re used to doing eating or reading or studying or watching TV or what have you. So be mindful of this is your work area. This is where you do work.

31:24
is huge where I still see people that they’ll move throughout their house um and with their laptop, they’ll be sitting on the couch, they’ll move to the back porch, they’ll do this, they’ll do that. And hey, if you can do that and it keeps you moving and keeps you focused, great. But what I’ve realized, a lot of those people, they’re just fidgety and just like, ah, I don’t know, I wanna go over here, I wanna go over here. And they’re just half-assing things. So do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you uh kind of battle that ADHD?

31:52
and lock yourself into those modes? think I think you said it. So I’m in my office right now. This is my workspace. I don’t the only time I ever take my laptop out of here is to do a sobriety meeting of some sort. ah That’s really it. I don’t ever take my laptop out of here and put it on the on the table. It stays in here. Virtually everything is done that needs to be on the laptop in this office. ah Everything else.

32:22
The kitchen table is for dinner. uh Now granted, we do sometimes eat in front of the TV just because, you know, the porch is meant for relaxing, sitting outside and being outside. the porch has been unused right now for a couple of months. you know, morning coffee, the kitchen is meant for cooking. uh The bedroom is, and I went through a sleep study during the pandemic too.

32:51
and uh was told by the doctor, the bed is for sleep and sex. about right. So if you get out of bed and you’re going to read, read in your chair, read in the living room, read it in the second room or office. So my reading space is the couch and or the recliner that we have. uh So every room has its own designation and I don’t try, I try not to combine

33:20
Combine those so if I’m in one room, I know what I’m gonna be doing in those rooms And I we don’t have a TV in our bedroom. We don’t watch TV For the most part where you stay off our phones. That’s a tough one to break Oh, yeah, and off your phone in the bed If at nine o’clock, I put my phone down. I try not to use it. Sometimes my wife has to say you’re on your phone It’s 930. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah But those boundaries those boundaries set for myself help me

33:51
It sounds like you got a good accountability partner with somebody that’s there that’s not nagging you about it, but just as a reminder, like, hey, said you were gonna do this thing. Yeah, I mean, I know the stories I can tell myself is, my gosh, she’s nagging me again about my phone. And I’m like, no, she’s telling you because you told her to tell you. Yeah. That resentment can happen whether it’s true or not. Yeah. It’s almost like when you’re when you’re going from thing to thing to thing, you’re looking for something.

34:19
like that dopamine hit, or even when somebody like your wife says, hey, it’s 9.30, you said you were gonna be off your phone at nine, you can instantly snap back even in your head and be like, shut up woman, this is the thing that I wanna do. But then, like you said, you gotta think about that. You gotta understand why is that frustration there? What’s that coming from? And I think it gets back to sometimes you just gotta be quiet and sit. And you’d mentioned meditating.

34:48
And that you guys do that once a month. Do you find that that helps you with everything you go through as well? Yes It’s interesting because of my ADHD Meditation is really difficult and and I think a lot of people listening will find that they’ve tried meditation and they can’t sit still they can’t stop the thoughts and what I’ve learned and that’s

35:11
from meditation and having a wife and a mentor that are proficient in meditating, that meditation isn’t peace and quiet and sitting still. You know, that’s what the goal is. But I twitch like you wouldn’t believe. My wife, when we sit down to meditate, she knows I am going to be moving and itchy and twitchy and

35:41
She laughs about it sometimes because I just it’s impossible for me to sit still. It’s just impossible. Until that a lot of times for about a minute in a meditation, then I’ll hit that space that just works. Like my brain’s not it’s just focused on nothing. ah But a minute one minute out of a 15 minute meditation, that’s about all I get. But that’s OK. Meditation is being aware.

36:11
That that stuff is happening. All right, that’s the these thoughts are happening. I’m moving my hands I’m moving my feet my foot’s falling asleep. My knee itches my back itches, you know, ah I know is it just I’m gonna scratch I’m gonna scratch I’m gonna scratch, know all this stuff and just being aware of what’s happening is a meditation until I learned that I Meditation was so frustrating. Oh frustrating ah But now that I know first of all how my brain works

36:40
and that that’s not abnormal. And that I am doing a meditation, even though it doesn’t feel like I’m doing a meditation. uh I can sit in quiet longer because of that, you know, and just being aware. uh We did a meditation class last Wednesday with our reverend from, unfortunately, he’s retiring from

37:07
revering, he’s going into another field, but it’s like one of his last classes, he’s got a couple more months of them. And he does a Wednesday evening meditation. And it’s an hour long, but the meditation is not an hour long, it’s just a sit and talk and tell you, you know, he asked questions like one word, how is your week like, and you’re supposed to be chaotic, or, you know, uplifting, you know, say that one word that comes to you and then

37:34
have a little discussion on it and then he sits in and does a guided meditation and I do really well with guided meditation. If somebody is talking, then I don’t have to listen to my own thoughts, you know, but then we sit and do a quiet meditation and. You know, sitting for 30 minutes is really difficult for me and I didn’t want to do it. I was like, you know, I haven’t seen Ken and.

38:01
Oh man, I don’t think I’ve seen him in a year and a half. so this will be last time I did it was probably a year and a half ago. What’s this meditation with him? And he was there and it was good to see him. And once I finally went there, it was, oh yeah, that’s right. like doing it. No, it was, it was, I, my body wanted to do something that was good for me, but my brain was like, Oh my God, it’s going to be so long. It says, I don’t want to do it. You know, it’s just fighting against it. Um,

38:29
but I was able to sit still and be quiet for three minutes instead of one because it was a structure that I could follow, you know, and when it was over with, it felt great. I cried. Uh, we talked, you know, it was absolutely amazing. I want to do more of that. And I say that and then I haven’t meditated since. Well, now it’s real and it’s on a podcast. It’s going to be out there. You better do more of it. But I am, but I’m not beating myself up for it because I had done yoga every day for 20.

38:59
What are we in? 25 days. My goal is being accomplished. The extras, meditation, two meditations I did this month were extra. So I accomplished extra things by accomplishing my goals. Yeah, it’s all the perspective, then what you give it. If you say, I’m not doing enough, then yeah, you’re right. You’re not doing enough. You’re gonna beat the hell out of yourself. But if you’re like, hey, this is what I’m actually doing. And some of that stuff is just simple things. Like, did you brush your damn teeth today? Yeah. Great.

39:28
You and your dentist and people you talk to will appreciate you for that. ah It’s funny with the meditating though because man, sitting there, like I typically do a 10 to 15 minute meditation in the morning and at night, but I’ve gotten in that same spot where guided meditations really do me right because I’m focusing on that person instead of just sitting in by myself and having all these thoughts come up.

39:53
And for the longest time, I was right there with you that I thought, you know, the goal and the whole point to it is to be silent and be uplifted and all of this stuff. But the goal of it is actually to be in those moments where you go, oh my God, my foot itches. Shut up. Back to your breathing. That’s what it’s about. It’s that awareness to be able to pull yourself back because I think it’s training. You know, when you’re in that spot and you’re able to go, oh, my foot itches. Well, get back to your breathing. Concentrate on where you’re at. That helps you in other spaces where

40:22
you know, work or relationships or anything so you don’t just lose your cool. Have you seen anything like that come from meditating where you’ve learned how to kind of calm yourself down a little easier? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I’ve had a couple of clients that were really difficult and didn’t actually pan out like I wanted to and I was able to pull myself back and instead of reacting,

40:49
story I tell myself is always going to be worse than it really is. I will pull myself back and say, okay, what’s actually going on here? And, you know, that’s that whole being present with yourself, you know, having being able to say, hey, this is going on. What’s going, what do you think’s going on? And, and taking yourself out of it and being aware of the situation and then going back to that person 99 % of the time, I blow it up more than it’s actually.

41:19
is, you know, and instead of reacting and being, oh, yeah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, know, and uh that, that meditation is just being parallel, is that be able to be aware of what’s going on, sit back and say, okay, my foot’s itching. So what do I do about it? I scratch my foot, and then I go back to my breathing.

41:45
You know, and that’s that setting, that setting your own boundary for yourself and being aware of what’s going on. um And in life, it’s okay, what’s going on with this problem right here? Well, let’s scratch that itch. it, pull away from yourself, scratch that itch and then come back to it in a more calm mindset. It can be uh difficult to be able to do that. It takes a lot of work to be able to do that. So you’ve touched on

42:14
the 12 years um and even the stuff that you’ve been through. And I know there are certain things that we haven’t brought up on this podcast that I know about you that goes even further back. But here you are, you’ve experienced all this stuff and you’re sitting in a better spot now. So what sort of advice can you give to people that are still dealing with the shit that they were dealing with in their own heads from the start of the pandemic? Remember that

42:41
You know, no matter how bad you have it, somebody else has it worse. And everything is a learning experience. If we don’t move forward, if you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backwards, right? If you’re standing in the same place and you’re beating yourself up and you’re telling yourself the same story, at least as it is for me, I’m not growing. I am not growing. ah For me to be a better human being and grow, it’s one step forward every day, even if it’s a little baby step.

43:10
You know, it’s okay if it’s a little baby step. Uh, and if I need to stop every once in a to contemplate where I’m at and that’s okay, but it’s not, it’s not getting stuck in that place. Um, don’t get, I can’t get stuck and, and just be, Oh my God, this is happening. This is happening. This is happening. Um, that whole, okay, why did this happen? And kind of uh compartmentalizing it out and, and not justifying, but

43:40
working it out of why it happened and what I can do to change that.

43:45
And most of the time it’s a story I tell myself is a lot again, it’s a lot worse than it really is. And I beat myself up harder than anybody else is going to beat me up. And when I actually talk to that person that caused me this pain or talk to somebody else that the pain I’ve caused myself, usually minuscule of a problem, such a small problem. And I made it so much bigger than it really is. And that still happens to me. It happens to me all the time.

44:15
But the difference is I’m able to say, okay, what’s actually going on here? Why do I feel this way? uh And having a partner that actually you can have a communication with, that you can sit down and have a conversation with, having a therapist, psychiatrist, having uh friends that you can say, hey, I just need to vent or call and say, hey, I need advice. uh

44:44
having that in my.

44:48
Wheelhouse having that available to me helps me get through a lot of things. Yeah, that’s important stuff, man. I think there’s a gray area of that barrier for some people where they’re just in their own little world. They do their own little thing. They have their family or not or their job or not. And it’s just they just continue to march on that without even stepping through to that through that gray area to have conversations with friends or with other people.

45:17
There are still conversations I have with people that I’ve known for years that are like, Hey, I need to tell you about this thing now. Well, what happened years ago? Where, where was this conversation years ago? You like I was still working through it. Here’s where I’m at. Um, so I appreciate that you have those circles or at least those people that are by you that you can have those conversations with. And I want to encourage other people to find at least one of those. If, if not somebody in your own circle, reach out to one of us.

45:47
You reach out to me, Eric, I don’t mean to put you on the spot, but I know you and I know you enjoy having conversations with people and you can help where you can help. So it doesn’t matter who you talk to, just be able to have a conversation and get that out. I think a lot of this can really start with ourselves though. So Eric, think about where you were at. It wasn’t your wife or anybody else, it was you. You were the one who had to say, up, you had to put your foot down and make a decision. And I think a lot of people get to that spot.

46:16
but don’t ever make that decision. So how did you get through that? You know, they say it’s hitting rock bottom, right? You you have so many things that happen in your life, eventually you want it to be different. And it’s all right. um

46:31
this.

46:34
What is it to be in the director of your own movie? You know, eh none of that. There’s so much more than this life right here. My life is one little speck of the entire universe. ah So my importance was so big in my own head, but in reality. ah

47:00
it’s miniscule on the scale. So eventually uh that importance led me to

47:11
my bottom, that led me to, you know, I needed to fill that hole with drugs and alcohol and just work and whatever else it was, I could do without uh actually living a life. And eventually I finally said, I can’t do it myself anymore. This is not working. It’s just not working. uh And that happened.

47:41
Multiple times actually but this last time I when I went I went into treatment in April May of 2019 Was the first time that I ever thought I wasn’t important enough to not go into treatment, you know up until then I’ve been fighting addiction since 2007 and I never would go into any kind of treatment whether it was therapy or inpatient outpatient anything

48:10
because I was too important. I needed to make money to survive and if I wasn’t going to make money then I wouldn’t survive. And never did I actually say, well, I’m just going to keep sliding down this slippery slope until I can’t slide anymore. And then how am I going to make money? know, finally I helped myself.

48:36
by putting myself out there, by saying, okay, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I need help. um How am I gonna get help? And that’s whenever I went into intensive outpatient treatment and I went into sober living for over six months. Luckily I was still able to work, I was very, very, I was watched, we’ll say.

49:04
with curfews and times and stuff. And eventually, you know, uh under good behavior, you get out longer, you know, and stuff like that. But uh and just like in the rest of life, I was a person, metal, I never say patient, but model client. You know, I did everything I was supposed to. uh And it wasn’t bells and whistles through the entire treatment. You know, it was there’s some pickups along the way. But uh

49:33
I knew I wasn’t doing it right anymore. And so I was finally willing to listen to other people and not just say I was not, the facade that I was listening to other people, you know, and that that’s what I had been doing for 12 years is I’ve been, I talk a good game. know exactly what I need to say and make it look like I’m doing what I’m So, uh, and finally it was like, you know what? Shut up.

50:02
You know, you’re full of shit. Let’s get it done. You know, do whatever they say. And that’s what that’s, um, that’s what led to the, I’m at now. And I’m in a much better mental state now. You know, I don’t have those ups and downs that I don’t, I don’t spend, you know, days in a depression or days in a manic episode. Everything, you know, I, I’m treated. I’m.

50:32
uh Even I’m able to have a conversation without losing it. And I say losing it by just being reactionary, you know, and getting angry or getting sad or whatever. Well, Eric, we’ve gone through a lot of stuff. We’ve unpacked a lot. I know your business is really important to you. And I know that uh how you move throughout the world is important to you.

51:01
but that it really works together. So is there anything else you want to touch on specifically about your business or just your mindset in general when it comes to that? Well, I know we talked about earlier, the whole aspect of doing what you love or creating that business out of uh your side hustle, you know, as I think you put it. um And I’m a perfect example of being

51:31
someone who did that and is able to make a living out of it. And I absolutely love what I do. It’s absolutely been amazing. And the pandemic has actually done really good things for my business. I can get lost in it sometimes, you know, because I love to do it so much. And I do have to be careful there. But it’s

51:55
I didn’t realize how much work something you love would be once you become successful at it. You know, and it is work. know, I do have to set those goals. My hours are nine to seven, you know, and those are my hours. Six days a week, but I stay true to those hours. Like, I won’t come into my office till nine o’clock. Sometimes I get in early, 8.45, but I don’t come in until those type of hours.

52:25
And if I have to leave, that’s fine too. But I set those hours for myself, you know, and so I do have some sort of structure, just like a regular job would be. With the pandemic, know, before I was all over the place, I was driving all over Southeastern Pennsylvania, looking at all kinds of different cars, driving all kinds of different cars. And the pandemic, I went from driving 30,000 miles a year to 7,000 miles a year.

52:55
oh So it’s a different it’s learning a whole different way of doing what I do and that’s been interesting too and as I want to grow uh You have to be at least I have to be willing to say okay the way I was doing things Isn’t necessarily the way it can always be so I was able to adapt and change really quickly on the on the fly And that actually helped my business quite a bit um

53:24
Anybody can actually I believe wholeheartedly anybody can actually make their side hustle into a business, but it does take a lot of. um A lot of work, a lot of. Dedication dedication dedication. Look at that we came out at the same time. And know that nobody told me this is uh once your. Love of a side hustle becomes work. It is work.

53:54
You know, it’s not always going to be fun and games every day. Um, but I still think about it and I go, would I ever want to go back to the corporate world and make a steady paycheck and have health insurance and all that stuff? And I’m like, absolutely not. When I start thinking about it, the, the comfort of a steady paycheck, but the, um, you know, being able to just do whatever I want to do at any given time. I mean, if I want to ask myself off, I give myself up.

54:23
If I don’t want to work with somebody, I don’t work with them. You know, it’s that simple. So I really enjoy my work as the way it is. And I really, really enjoy helping people. You know, that’s the big thing is I love cars. I absolutely love being in all kinds of cars, be it the cheapest car you can find to the most expensive car. I want to know all of it, but it’s that

54:52
interaction I have with my client and when I see them, when they get to where they want to be and especially when they get something that they didn’t know they could have or the amount of money they could save or the amount of money they could get or the extras they could get or whatever it is, whenever we put the whole puzzle together and see them happy, that’s what gives me joy.

55:21
Yeah, man, I remember when I bought a car with you. That whole experience was incredible and honestly relatively cheap because I remember paying you hundreds of dollars to be able to help. And at first I was like, hmm, I’m to pay a guy hundreds of dollars, friend of mine, but I’m going to trust him to help me with this. But you ended up saving us a couple grand. We got a hell of a deal. We got a great car. And then when we moved, sold it to you.

55:49
I drove that car for a while. That car was a fun car. My wife actually liked that car too. I know man, I want an Infiniti again. I’ve got an Audi now, but I think I’ll go back to an Infiniti at some point. And I love that you have that passion to be able to help people. And let’s make this clear. It’s about fulfillment. It’s not about your job or your business or your side hustle or anything of the sort. Even the word hustle. not a big fan of the hustle word. eh

56:17
ah It’s an easy thing for people to understand, yeah, side hustle, but we’re not talking about hustling. We’re talking about being fulfilled. And you can easily be fulfilled in the thing that’s fulfilling and you still gotta be balanced. mean, God, there are times where I look, I’m editing an episode or I’m working on something that I really enjoy, and it’ll be 2.30, three o’clock in the morning. I’m like, yo, dude, you should have been in bed a couple hours ago. But you can get into that and then it’s finding the balance and setting yourself up. So it’s all about the fulfillment.

56:47
and what you find that actually keeps you fulfilled. But I think we also gotta be mindful. If you’re at a job right now and you hate it, it may not be that it’s not fulfilling, but it may be because of your mindset and what you’re looking at with that. So I know that you go through tough times at different points and that you have to be mindful of yourself as you go through it. Man, I’m proud of the work that you’ve put in and all the stuff that you’ve done. And I really appreciate you being on the show with us today. ah Can you tell us where we can find you and where people can find you online?

57:17
Yeah, I mean, what’s that www.phoenixpreferred.com and Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. ah I have a social media marketing company that does all that for me, but I am available on that at any time. um Facebook is the big one. I get more more interactions with Facebook because my typical clientele is going to be my age, similar. And that seems to be the big Facebook thing is what 35 plus. um

57:47
but I’m trying to learn all the other things like the Twitters and the Instagrams. Sound old now, right? I’m learn that Twitters. The Twitters and the Tweeters. eh I was being funny when I said that, but yeah. I just did. You’d mentioned earlier that there was an interesting story behind the Phoenix Preferred name. Can you give us a quick version of Oh yes, yes, yes. You know, have a tattoo of the.

58:16
Phoenix on my m arm. uh So being from Texas, you know, I’m not necessarily happy with the way the state is going right now, but I’m always going to be at Texan at heart. So I have a firebird that coming out of the ashes. So it’s going in the middle of rebirth carrying the Texas flag. And that was when I was going through my divorce and starting my company. I knew I was going through a metamorphosis in my life.

58:45
It was one of those, okay, this is the way I was, and this is gonna lead to something else. And then I didn’t know what quite that something else was, but I knew I wanted to represent it somehow. ah So the Phoenix on my arm, Phoenix and just preferred went with it really well. uh So Phoenix preferred your automotive specialist. So yeah, that’s the coming into a whole nother metamorphosis of life. Yeah, that’s good stuff, man. I think there are a lot of people that uh

59:14
are sort of like a phoenix in some certain ways coming out of the pandemic, trying to figure their stuff out, figure out what’s going on in their head. So again, I really appreciate you being on with us today. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having me. Yeah, man. It’s been a pleasure.

59:38
Another great conversation on today’s episode of the Mindset and Self Mastery Show. Eric, like a lot of people, has battled with his mental situations for a long, long time. But unlike a lot of people, has actually taken the steps necessary to understand himself and why he operates the way he does. I hope this could be a message and lesson for us all to dig into our story and not run from who we are, but to find ourselves through the fires of life. What did you think though?

01:00:06
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the conversation today. And if you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review. Yeah, that really, really helps other people find these great conversations we have. And if you enjoyed the show even more so please go ahead and share it out with your friends and family. And you can check out the show notes for more info, contact info for Eric and check out the other episodes on The Mindset and Self Mastery Show.com as well as our YouTube channel.

01:00:35
go ahead and search the mindset and self mastery show. It’s right there. Thank you again, Eric, for being on the show, for being real and honest and raw with us. And we appreciate that. And thank you to you for joining us today. I appreciate you being here and hope you got something out of this. And with that, thank you. And remember, your mindset matters. And so do you.