00:00:08:08 – 00:00:27:17

Nick McGowan

Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, the lives that we lead on our path to self-mastery. So let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin.

00:00:30:15 – 00:00:32:16

Nick McGowan

Hey, Ben, welcome to the show. How are you doing, man?

00:00:33:03 – 00:00:34:14

Ben Bressington

I’m super excited to be here. Thanks.

00:00:35:00 – 00:00:49:12

Nick McGowan

Yeah, I’m excited that you’re on. I know we’ve we’ve talked a little bit about I think when we first talked, it was a couple months ago and had one of those meaty calls that was supposed to be like 15, 20 minutes long. Like an hour and 15 or so later, we’re like, Oh, shit, we should.

00:00:49:12 – 00:00:52:22

Nick McGowan

Probably get off the phone now. So I appreciate you jumping on, man.

00:00:53:11 – 00:00:54:04

Ben Bressington

Hey, my pleasure.

00:00:55:02 – 00:01:03:11

Nick McGowan

So why don’t you give us a little bit of context? Tell us who you are, what you do for a living. And one thing that most people don’t know about you.

00:01:04:04 – 00:01:27:20

Ben Bressington

So, yeah. So Ben Brassington on the CEO of Behave Yourselves, which is a behavioral intelligence platform. So we give salespeople a feedback loop on their conversations to help them understand what the hell just happened and what did I miss and hey, and understand the personalities in which they’re talking to and do they really connect, have influence, that type of stuff, which is critical if you want to close a deal authentically.

00:01:29:03 – 00:01:44:02

Ben Bressington

So I do that. One thing most people don’t know about me is they don’t know. I’ve got a tattoo of a bull that I got in in Spain after getting robbed and losing over $50,000 worth of stuff. So that’s something that most people don’t know about. But that’s another story, right?

00:01:44:12 – 00:01:50:15

Nick McGowan

No, that’s the story right now. I mean, the reason why I ask that question is for somebody to tell me something crazy.

00:01:50:19 – 00:01:54:18

Nick McGowan

And then guess what? You just told me something fucking crazy.

00:01:55:08 – 00:02:02:17

Nick McGowan

So the fact that you’ve got a bull, I’m not even going to try to recant it. Why don’t you just start off wherever you feel.

00:02:02:17 – 00:02:31:11

Ben Bressington

It’s a tattoo that it actually says, be bullish. So it was after a day of saying Greer and too much sangria right in Madrid, Spain. And walked into the tattoo parlor in the evening after having a lot of sangria and a lot of wine, which was really good. Now, what happened 48 hours prior to this was my wife and I at the time were in our Airbnb.

00:02:31:18 – 00:02:56:08

Ben Bressington

And there’s a huge Airbnb scam over there where effectively the crook will go and stay at the Airbnb. Bebe They understand the lay out the floor plan and what they’d go is they go and copy the key at the hardware store, which means they can let themself in and out whenever the hell they feel like it. And we found out later that the average crook is working about 200 apartments and they roll those apartments on a Sunday afternoon.

00:02:57:01 – 00:03:15:18

Ben Bressington

We literally left the apartment for one hour that day. One hour. That one hour was when they walked in. They helped themself to my wife’s jewelry, our cameras, the cash. They left the place immaculate because they leave the place. So they don’t want you to find out. They want you to think you because most people, they know the statistics.

00:03:15:18 – 00:03:35:19

Ben Bressington

Most people actually leave on a set on a monday morning. Right. So what happens Sunday night? People are out, lost, stay blah, blah. They come home, they throw their shit in a suitcase, and then from there they race to the airport in the morning. And what they want you to think is you lost this stuff somewhere in transit, but they didn’t realize we were staying for another week.

00:03:36:12 – 00:03:54:10

Ben Bressington

So this was after we’ve already been there for a week. So this is so if you’re traveling through Europe, be aware of this. The reason why they do this in Europe is usually with less than an hour, they can be in a new country and then hard to prosecute anyone. So. And on most weekends, they end up claiming to have $10 million worth of stuff.

00:03:54:10 – 00:04:11:12

Ben Bressington

So it’s very, very lucrative for them. Organized gangs and criminals do this. So this is what I found it after the fact. So this happened. We we literally came home, got into the apartment, and my wife was like sitting on the couch, enjoying myself because we’re about to go for a hot air balloon ride the next morning. Right?

00:04:11:12 – 00:04:28:17

Ben Bressington

So I was just like, Yeah, resting up. And she’s like, Have you seen my my wedding ring? I might know. What the hell would I see? Your wedding ring? Wah, wah, wah. All right, we empty every suitcase five times. I move every couch, every piece of furniture. I’m plural in around the floor looking for this ring. Bear in mind, the ring’s about 50 grand.

00:04:28:17 – 00:04:45:06

Ben Bressington

So I’m looking for. I’ve got an interest, a financial interest in now looking for this wedding ring. Right. I walk up and down the stairs ten times to see if it came off in a gloves. I’m walking the streets. I crawl in the streets, look like look like. I’m drunk, roam the streets looking for this ring on the outside.

00:04:45:19 – 00:05:06:04

Ben Bressington

And then we go, I think we’ve been robbed. So we start looking around. What else is missing? Cameras gone. Cash is gone. Left our passports. Right. Because passports would be a red flag. Left the iPad on the computer. What we didn’t realize is we actually interrupted them. They actually folded your stuff and put it back in the suitcase because they don’t want you to tell, like immaculate, no damage to the door.

00:05:06:04 – 00:05:23:23

Ben Bressington

And we call the police. And the police were like, what do you want us to do? Like, you’re a terrorist. You can do is a terrorist is going to report it. You’ve got to go sit at this court that the police station took us over 8 hours to sit there and file this police report, blah, blah. The landlord wanted they don’t want anything to do with this.

00:05:25:02 – 00:05:50:19

Ben Bressington

Airbnb was just like, Sorry, you’re out of luck. So anyway, that leaves you really leaving. Left me sitting there being really questioning a lot of things, as you can imagine, in a foreign country. In a foreign country, for a month, we’ve just literally lost over 50 grand’s worth of stuff. And it’s just like you get violated. You’re in this space, you felt violated.

00:05:50:19 – 00:06:19:20

Ben Bressington

You felt like this spaces is like I didn’t sleep for the next few nights because I’m like, Well, they’ve got keys. We found out after the fact that they have keys they literally can let themself back in at any point in time. So my wife was like, Hey, we’re here for another seven days, husband, you’re going to carry all our shit around as we now tours every thing like around Madrid because she didn’t want to leave what she had left in the apartment.

00:06:19:20 – 00:06:45:08

Ben Bressington

So I’m like, Are you kidding me? At the end of the day, I just want to sit down. My back is just like killing me, right? So I ended up I’ve had this saying I’d enjoyed being about being a, b, b, bullish. And to me what it comes from stems from as I grew up and we had this Brahman bulls or Brahman is a type of bull in central Queensland, Australia, very, very big, this Brahman type cow.

00:06:45:19 – 00:07:10:11

Ben Bressington

And but this bull was special because like it stood about eight foot high. Right. Its head was two cases of B white. Right. This thing was a gentle giant. Like this thing would come up and just want you to scratch its head was great around people because we’d been around it as kids all our life and like we had this property at one point where I was on the side of a hill and I can remember being on the back of the truck feeding the hay to all the cows.

00:07:10:11 – 00:07:27:09

Ben Bressington

Right? And this bull didn’t really realize what the hell was going on would come up and start rubbing itself against the edge of the truck. Right. But what you got to remember is we’re on a hill. The bull is usually standing here rubbing itself on the truck. The truck is literally lifting its back wheels kind of off the truck.

00:07:27:09 – 00:07:56:14

Ben Bressington

So you like, piss off a flag like this. So I always remember that that bull was a gentle giant calm in the storm. Right. But strong. And I felt that at times, like I responded in an emotional state, I’d be flustered, I’d I’d panic and a flight. Right. What to say to fight wouldn’t necessarily see things through. So I wanted to get this tattoo.

00:07:56:14 – 00:08:10:18

Ben Bressington

If I walked in this way. I walked into the tattoo pile and said, look, I want to wanted to be a bull and I want it said, be bullish and everything else, go to town. I don’t care. And he kind of just sparked something. And I looked at him like, there’s more to it right? It’s like, I’m not that drunk, man.

00:08:10:18 – 00:08:28:00

Ben Bressington

Like, there’s going to be a little bit more of that squiggle, right? And he goes, No, no, no, this is it. Oh, crap. Right. And then now I’ve got this multicolored tattoo of this bull that says, be bullish. And that’s what it means to me. It’s like, be brave, be calm in the storm and continue to take actions.

00:08:28:00 – 00:08:47:14

Ben Bressington

And like you’ve got to continue to stand there. Right. Some people used to say, like, you don’t want to be a bull in a china shop. And I think a lot of us react to situations without taking a breath. Right. Without like calming down. What is the true objective here? Where am I trying to go with the situation?

00:08:47:14 – 00:09:09:06

Ben Bressington

Or is me just flying off the hook like a bloody cockatoo or a gala or some type of fancy bird? Doesn’t really get me anywhere. Like, cause there’s a lot of noise, but like in sometimes it feels good, but really all sometimes you’re doing is like causing more drama, right? So that’s what the tattoo means to me. And I guess that’s the end of the podcast, right?

00:09:09:19 – 00:09:10:03

Nick McGowan

Yeah.

00:09:10:08 – 00:09:15:17

Nick McGowan

Well, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. It’s been real. Have a great night, man. That’s.

00:09:16:15 – 00:09:18:20

Nick McGowan

I mean, that’s a hell of a way to start this thing. At least.

00:09:20:05 – 00:09:20:22

Nick McGowan

Typically.

00:09:21:20 – 00:09:49:11

Nick McGowan

When somebody says, I got a tattoo and lost 50 grand, it’s like, you know, the hangover three, your hangover for something and sort of a scheme that’s about to happen. But man, there’s a lot that’s in there. So I want to ask you about your mindset going through that that phase of life, because you also mentioned ex-wife that I’m sure there were moments and things that kind of added up and that being one of those bigger things.

00:09:50:14 – 00:10:12:17

Nick McGowan

I’ve had situations with my ex-wife where they were monumental things that happened that you look at and say, and that was kind of one of those moments that led us down this different path. But the fact that you went through something like that and then started to think back through a situation you had growing up that is kind of abnormal.

00:10:12:17 – 00:10:30:12

Nick McGowan

Like if somebody thinks of a bull, they kind of think of a bull in a china shop or they think of that bull chasing people or with somebody with a, you know, red cape or something, throwing it at the bull. They don’t think of a bull being kind of a gentle giant. So I love that you had that that you thought back to that.

00:10:30:12 – 00:10:37:06

Nick McGowan

But what was it that made you actually think about that and then run with that thought within that 48 hour period?

00:10:38:18 – 00:10:58:22

Ben Bressington

Well, like we did all the stuff that we usually do, like we went to every we hired private investigators to try and find stuff and they told us this type of stuff. And then I’m like, Well, we can get all panicky and chaos and feel like the world is coming in around us, which is kind of the path that my wife kind of at the time walked down where I was like, Well, hold on.

00:10:59:11 – 00:11:21:01

Ben Bressington

Like I earn the money, then I can earn the money again. Like it’s material things. We’re safe, we’re not harmed. That could have been 100 times worse, could have literally walked in on them rather than them safely getting out of the building before I even realized what they’re right. So the thing is, you could have gone a myriad of ways because if we walked in on them, it could have been a whole other story right?

00:11:21:01 – 00:11:42:10

Ben Bressington

So we’re safe. It makes you question your security and trust. And like, I know one of the things I did as problems in business early on in my life was I trust people too quickly, trusted everybody, trusted everybody on a handshake, because that’s how I that’s how I grew up. I do things on a handshake, deliver on your word, deliver on your promise.

00:11:42:10 – 00:12:02:03

Ben Bressington

Right. And it’s just like, all right, well, in this situation, it’s tough. I can either lay on the floor and collapse and cry and go nowhere, or I can work out a plan and move forward and continue to move forward because we were a lot of people. I also don’t know like at the time, we’re also there for IVF, right?

00:12:02:14 – 00:12:21:00

Ben Bressington

So we’re actually there for the month at the time to do IVF. And that actually like I’m like, well, we’re here for a reason and this stress is going to carry through very well for this the goal of why we’re here. Right. So it didn’t help. And so it’s just like, all right, well, how do we turn this around?

00:12:21:00 – 00:12:50:04

Ben Bressington

And there’s a saying I’ve now heard from a friend, which I think is actually fantastic, you guys. Well, we can always change the story. We’re telling them so. So. And then in asking yourself, really, what is the story I’m telling? And is that the filter, the lens or the perception I really want to have from this experience? I this it was a crappy experience, but how do I want to take it away and use this as fuel for my life rather than like, Hey, I’m never going to travel again.

00:12:50:04 – 00:12:53:21

Ben Bressington

I’m not going to leave my bedroom. Like, that’s not going to work either, right?

00:12:54:23 – 00:13:17:09

Nick McGowan

So how did those conversations go with your then wife at that time? Because it sounded like your mindset was shit happens, we’re we’re good. We didn’t die. So we can move along from here. But the fact that you guys were going through all that personal stuff and kind of working through what happened after that.

00:13:17:09 – 00:13:31:13

Ben Bressington

Well, it was that week was very problematic because the thing is, is like we literally stay out of the apartment, we leave the apartment after breakfast and we wouldn’t want to go back to the apartment. So what we what I now know, what we should have done is we should have gone and got a hotel and stayed in hotel.

00:13:31:13 – 00:14:00:06

Ben Bressington

Right. That’s what we should have done. Lesson learned, rather than going, hey, I don’t want to go back to this place because I don’t know who’s there. I don’t trust above, doesn’t feel safe space anymore, and that creates stress and pressure. The conversations were interesting and like at that time was mainly about supporting her. She wanted me to she wanted to go around to every secondhand shop, pawn shop in the in the in the city and hand over fire and get a flier made and a brochure made.

00:14:00:06 – 00:14:22:18

Ben Bressington

I went and got my developers to literally build this app that scraped every marketplace that we could find for images. So each morning she could log in and like, look at the images of these marketplaces and this type of stuff, right? So I did all this other stuff to work out what we do. We paid two private investigators to help us find and like try and locate stuff, but it didn’t really help either.

00:14:22:22 – 00:14:43:03

Ben Bressington

It didn’t really go in our favor because they’re like, Well, it could be anywhere. It’s like, most of this stuff gets melted down within 2 hours, like they know what they’re doing, right? So the conversation were challenging and it was be a rollercoaster. And I think I got the tattoo at a time when I was like weak, you know, looking for strength, looking for something.

00:14:43:03 – 00:15:05:18

Ben Bressington

The constantly remind me that I am stronger than I think I am. I can be that gentle giant. And like, who do I want to be in this moment? Because at that time, like, it felt like the world wanted me to be somebody else, wanted me to be collapsing on the floor, being weak, rolling in the victim hat like you can roll.

00:15:05:18 – 00:15:08:10

Ben Bressington

The victim had all you want, but it’s going to get you anywhere.

00:15:09:01 – 00:15:25:04

Nick McGowan

No, not at all. And it does take some people a long time to be able to figure that out. I think there’s also the times where you just want to be the victim for a minute because you’re like, you know, this fucking sucks, this sucked, and you want somebody to be there with you and go, Yeah, I’m with you, I’m with you.

00:15:25:04 – 00:15:47:21

Nick McGowan

This sucks. But sometimes that’s basically all you really need was just to know that you’re not alone in this thing, to then be able to actually take that next step and kind of move, move things along. But your mindset in that sort of situation will show what your true character is. Because if your character was a complete mess inside, then you could have been like, Oh, we’re getting revenge and everybody’s.

00:15:47:21 – 00:15:51:09

Nick McGowan

Going to die, you know? But obviously you didn’t go that route.

00:15:52:06 – 00:16:11:08

Nick McGowan

So you actually hit a little bit on on how you grew up. You grew up trusting people with a handshake. And let’s actually take a step back. Give us some context. How did you grow up? Because I think for the most part, a lot of our listeners are here in the States now. I know you live in Florida now, but that’s not where you originally came from.

00:16:11:08 – 00:16:14:19

Nick McGowan

So give us a little bit of a background with that.

00:16:14:19 – 00:16:36:14

Ben Bressington

Yeah. So I grew up in a small beach town in Australia, kind of 8 hours from anywhere, right? 6 to 8 hours from anywhere. Right. So and I at the time I grew up, shops were only open Monday to Friday 9 to 5. Nothing was really after open after like 5:00, 6:00, unless it was the ice cream place or the pub, that type of stuff.

00:16:36:14 – 00:16:51:16

Ben Bressington

Right. So everything was closed on Sunday. It’s like if you wanted to actually go shopping on a Sunday, you had to drive 6 hours to go to this shopping mall that was open, right? So like, that’s the type of town I grew up in. I grew up in a town where there was still a there’s still is to this day.

00:16:51:16 – 00:17:15:19

Ben Bressington

A lot of boarding schools because of the kids from out west, would get bused in and they would live here because like their home is 4 hours, 8 hours, 12 hours away driving, right. Like because Australia is a pretty big island. So that’s kind of how I grew up. My parents were successful in business and I have. Most people don’t realize I’ve got a law degree and a criminology degree.

00:17:15:19 – 00:17:33:12

Ben Bressington

I was meant to take over a family law firm. Right. So it was interesting because the day that my dad put a wing on the building and it was going to be like Brassington and Bressan and Brassington and partners, but there’s going to be Brassington and Son’s top thing. He built this wing expansion to the building. I sat him down and said, Hey, Dad, got some good news.

00:17:33:12 – 00:17:50:00

Ben Bressington

Got the bad news. Good news is I’m moving to Canada for go bad news. I’m not going to be here. I’m not doing law. And he’s just like, I just built this wing. And what you got you got for this for other boys? One of them will do, Lord, don’t you worry. So that’s kind of what happened there.

00:17:50:00 – 00:18:11:02

Ben Bressington

But yeah, so I grew up in that environment and I can remember growing up because we always had we could go out on the weekends and go mountain biking and my dad had these hobby farms, they call them cattle and all this other stuff, and we’d go out and we’d go camping and we’d ride our dirt bikes. And that was always fun.

00:18:11:02 – 00:18:15:03

Ben Bressington

It was a different exposure and boys being rough as hell, right?

00:18:15:17 – 00:18:36:22

Nick McGowan

Yeah. Wow, that’s pretty cool, man. That takes some balls to be able to tell your dad, Hey, I’m not going to do this thing. But you also mentioned a little earlier that, you know, the world tries to push you into a certain sort of feeling or it tries to make you be something. It sounds like you were kind of on that path where you were gearing up to be something.

00:18:36:22 – 00:18:50:10

Nick McGowan

So what was the shift for you? And don’t just blame it on a woman because look, I get it. You know, most people move. And the reason why I’m in Florida, a woman, most people move for that. But what was the actual shift that led you away from that?

00:18:52:01 – 00:19:10:21

Ben Bressington

I can remember never feeling comfortable where I was and like I always wanted to go to the US and I felt like being in the US was there was more opportunity for me, more people would get me. I felt like no one got me when I was growing up. Like when I was 17, I was flying to Hong Kong for the week.

00:19:11:12 – 00:19:28:16

Ben Bressington

I’d go to tradeshows and conventions and I’d find products. I didn’t care what they were. Bra straps, cameras, electronics. It didn’t really matter. And I’d come back. I’d set up an e-commerce store and sell them online. Bear in mind, this is what I was doing when I was 17, 18, 19, all the way through to 21. This was before Amazon.

00:19:28:16 – 00:19:50:09

Ben Bressington

This is before like this was Yahoo store type day. Like most people don’t remember that type of crap like. And the thing is, as I had a budget of 20 $500 because that’s what my credit card was. So I’d go over, I’d buy I could only buy like 1500 dollars worth of stuff because I still had to have airline tickets and shipping and all the other crap that I had to get with it.

00:19:50:09 – 00:20:01:20

Ben Bressington

Right? And then I had 30 days because I had to pay the credit card statement and then I was this is what I was doing. Like back then. And so back then I was on a different pod. Everyone was like, Well, what job are you going to go get? What are you going to do this? And I’m like that.

00:20:02:02 – 00:20:23:18

Ben Bressington

I was like, I was 21. I was driving a Shelby Cobra. I had a custom motorbike, I had another car, and I was consulting to three law firms. I didn’t even have a law degree. I was literally telling them how to run the conveyancing department, which is their property transaction department, and like, like they were like this kid was doing it like I was literally running their department and they loved it.

00:20:23:18 – 00:20:41:04

Ben Bressington

And like, I can remember the day I went to pick up my Shelby Cavalier cover, I was a 21 year old. The the guy I was Bonnet from was like, Oh, you’re here to get this for your dad. You know, like, he wouldn’t even let me drive it. So I came back the next like 48 hours later, I’m like, Is the check?

00:20:41:07 – 00:21:02:20

Ben Bressington

Can I drive it now? Like he wouldn’t. He took me for a drive down the road because he didn’t believe that I was going to buy this car. Right. But yeah. So, yeah, always on a different path and even now, always on a different path. Right? Like it’s okay. I see I see the world slightly differently. Some people think depending on who you listen to, that, that that’s broken.

00:21:03:01 – 00:21:19:03

Ben Bressington

Like, like I should just be able to go get a job and be happy. But I’m like a man. I don’t want to get a job like I want to. I want to deliver value. I want to make a difference. And it pisses me off. Like I did a test for like, I’ll give you some context, but with my ex-wife, I actually did a test.

00:21:19:19 – 00:21:41:10

Ben Bressington

She goes, You should be able to go get a job. I’m okay. I’m okay. I wasn’t applied to 150 jobs, all right. When I applied to 150 jobs online, you want to know how many interviews I got? I got two interviews to sell. Solar door knocking, door to door.

00:21:42:19 – 00:21:46:04

Nick McGowan

Wait a minute. So more context. Was that here in the States?

00:21:46:13 – 00:21:54:14

Ben Bressington

This was literally about about six months ago, eight months ago now. So context is pretty recent, right? Wow.

00:21:54:14 – 00:21:55:07

Nick McGowan

Yeah.

00:21:55:07 – 00:22:15:19

Ben Bressington

All right. 150 jobs. Right. And I am like, what was funny is like just published my fifth book, got two more books on the way. I was doing this the and the month after that, I’m like, getting the job is ludicrous, right? Because I’m already making money. I’ve automated two companies I like. And the problem was, is I kind of had some free time.

00:22:15:19 – 00:22:38:08

Ben Bressington

So she’s like, You got to be busy doing something. And I was wanting to grow another business. She didn’t want me to go into the business. She wanted me to like do what responsible adults do. And and then I’m like, Oh, screw this. And like literally the next month, after I go and close $140,000 a month, that’s going to mold a $1.8 million a year contracts that just with one company.

00:22:38:08 – 00:23:02:20

Ben Bressington

And now I’ve like got multiple of them in queue and I’m like, I can’t I literally had to tell clients, I can’t work with you right now because I, I, I don’t have the resources, don’t have the bandwidth. And like, like I’m yeah, we’ve the company that we’re dealing that I’m scaling right now will like in its first 12 months will cross probably $24 million, which is not too bad from 0 to 24 million.

00:23:02:20 – 00:23:32:14

Ben Bressington

And I’m like, and yet 150 jobs kind of get a joke from anyone at that point in time. And like it was interesting like getting that. Yeah, we looked at your resume and we chose somebody else. We’ve moved on. I’m like, Man, you get $150 in the email inbox and like, you just like, holy crap. Like, I still get them every day and I laugh because I’m just like, whatever, like I if I’m not, if that ain’t my path and I have to make my path well.

00:23:32:14 – 00:23:55:07

Nick McGowan

So think about you making your path. But there are people that would just take each of those negative responses and just add that to the pile of shit that they currently live in and go, well, a tried and I guess I can. And they just keep going down and down and down where it sounds like you kind of did it just to shut her up like, look, I’ll go try this thing and prove something to you.

00:23:55:13 – 00:24:13:07

Nick McGowan

But you kind of had a socioeconomic play there because yeah. The what is the unemployment rate like two or 3% at this point. And there are still people trying to find jobs and there are still people like yourself.

00:24:13:07 – 00:24:33:07

Ben Bressington

Yeah. Like it was amazing. Like I was I was talking to company after company. I’m like, we can’t find good people. I’m like, Oh, you’re finding process is broke because I know, I know like get and is just and that’s a whole other thing. Like, it’s completely ludicrous. And you’re right like you can you can make it mean two different things.

00:24:33:07 – 00:24:56:20

Ben Bressington

I’m like, well, for me it means that my path is already in front of me and I’m just going to continue working it, no matter how hard it is, no matter how tough it is in the time. Like it’s just like there is no plan B and there’s going to be no easy way out. Like, I think one of the biggest lessons I had to learn and I honestly learned probably in the last two years, was like, I was always trying to look for somebody permission to do something.

00:24:56:20 – 00:25:17:01

Ben Bressington

And it was just like I had to realize that I don’t need permission, I don’t need to ask for permission. The only person’s permission is is mine. I need my permission. And a lot of people never get this lesson. And I it annoys me that it took me so long.

00:25:17:01 – 00:25:19:18

Nick McGowan

Don’t get annoyed though. Be okay.

00:25:19:18 – 00:25:21:16

Nick McGowan

With yourself. Grace yourself man. You’re in.

00:25:21:16 – 00:25:22:10

Nick McGowan

Good company.

00:25:23:12 – 00:25:44:15

Ben Bressington

It it. And I think I think what helped me reinforce it was like, hey, I don’t need these people’s permission for 150 jobs I applied for, even though I could help every single one of them, even though I could do stuff for every single one of them. I’m like, What I do need is my own permission to focus on what I’m doing and actually see it through and complete it.

00:25:44:15 – 00:26:07:13

Ben Bressington

And that’s a whole other game, right? That’s a whole other mind game. I’m like, and it really made me question because I then you were on this like thread, you can pull through your entire life, right? Of how many times that I stopped short because I was seeking somebody’s permission that I didn’t get, or hypothetical guru, a leader that I didn’t get their permission or their their acceptance the way I wanted their acceptance.

00:26:07:13 – 00:26:27:04

Ben Bressington

So I gave up on what I was doing because they didn’t get it. They didn’t see it. And like it’s just this thing that makes you go, Holy crap, I’ve stopped like that saying three feet from gold. And you don’t realize how if you’re constantly seeking other people’s permission, you step three feet from goal like quite often.

00:26:27:20 – 00:26:54:01

Nick McGowan

Yeah, yeah. It’s a big, big thing. I think there are a lot of people that abandon themselves and don’t really think about it. They just have gone along with things for so long that it’s, you know, it is what it is. I sort of blamed. I think blame is the easiest way to put it. I blamed being married like, hey, I don’t know how to husband, so I’m trying to do the best that I can.

00:26:54:01 – 00:27:11:02

Nick McGowan

I don’t know how to be the best partner or the best friend or the best lover or the best whatever. So I’m trying to do the best I can, but when you really look back on some of that stuff, you can see, well, you just didn’t make a decision then your indecision was still a decision and you just gave in.

00:27:11:05 – 00:27:29:16

Ben Bressington

Yeah, and that’s a big thing in decision is still a decision like, okay, what did you do to do better though? Like I talked to I talked to sales people. So put it in context, right? With sales people we go, well, how much have you spent on sales training this year? Oh, less than 50 bucks. Really? So what sales training you doing now on non.

00:27:30:15 – 00:27:49:00

Ben Bressington

But my sales aren’t great. I’m like, so, so let me get this straight. You spend less than $50 a year, you’re trying to make sales and you’re frustrated that you aren’t hitting your sales targets right now. Like I have a my my and then this year. But my company should be fired. You were training. Oh, they provided me with training, but it’s not what I need.

00:27:49:00 – 00:28:09:16

Ben Bressington

I’m like, all right, so then this. Whose responsibility is this and whose permission do you need? And if we’re all trying to do stuff, like if we don’t really put that effort into be that better lover, be that better partner than a father, or like one of the things I would say to people and not I’ve been working on myself is really designing my personality and designing your reality.

00:28:09:16 – 00:28:38:07

Ben Bressington

And I got trained by some of the guys in the CIA to try and train black site interrogators, and they have this thing where they can actually reprogram your personality. And it was fascinating for me to go through this process and learn this process, because then I was actually able to design what I want and what I wasn’t aware of that your belief patterns and your your what you believe about people in the world is usually set in place as a seven year old child.

00:28:39:06 – 00:29:11:05

Ben Bressington

So put it in context. That means right now you are a seven year old child running around the world, responding to the world. Don’t hurt me, feed me and make me look good. From the perspective of a seven year old child, that may be cool and okay for you, but for some of us who are like, well, that’s frickin ludicrous because at what point in your life could you reset your beliefs, reset your assumptions, reset your expectations based on today’s based on what you know today?

00:29:12:14 – 00:29:13:05

Ben Bressington

Does that make sense?

00:29:13:20 – 00:29:39:17

Nick McGowan

100% that even with the specific day, when you think of journaling, meditating or even just processing through your day, most people don’t do that. And it can be easy to not do that because it’s so much easier to just continue to watch TV or try to escape from everything else in our phones, especially, my God, the amount of times I pick up my phone, just look at what time it is.

00:29:39:17 – 00:29:49:22

Nick McGowan

And the next thing you know, I’m on Instagram, I’m wandering through LinkedIn. It’s been 20 minutes and there are times where I’ll just throw the phone, like on the cell phone, like, how? How did you even get into my hand?

00:29:50:04 – 00:29:50:19

Nick McGowan

What the fuck?

00:29:51:13 – 00:29:52:22

Nick McGowan

But we just kind of aim for that.

00:29:53:02 – 00:30:13:21

Ben Bressington

And you need it. You need to get it clock, right? Yeah. You need to get a clock and actually put it on. Yeah, I could go old school so and I’ll give people some context on this. Right. So when I was peeling back the layers of my beliefs, we got to this belief that I had that I so I would go to Disney, I’d go to on a vacation and I’d feel guilty and I’d feel like I’d have to work.

00:30:13:21 – 00:30:34:05

Ben Bressington

And I felt like fun. I’m not entitled to fun and I can’t enjoy life and I have to work. So I would feel guilty walking around Disney guilty because I’m not working and I’m having fun and enjoying myself. And so then I like you do this discovery process and look, people want the discovery process in my book. They don’t have to go pay any money for it.

00:30:34:05 – 00:30:59:01

Ben Bressington

It’s on the book. But the thing is, is I realized that I created this belief that I can’t enjoy my life because when I was about eight, my brothers and I were messing around in a hotel parking lot while my dad was loading the car. Right. And, you know, the hotels have those like those big flat trolleys like Costco to carry all your luggage.

00:30:59:16 – 00:31:27:16

Ben Bressington

We were messing around in this empty parking lot, like as these things were out private, like skateboard boards, right. Seeing and on top of the thing, pushing each other around like loud is. Oh, you know what? Right? Three boys running around causing a muck. Right? And then this little old lady comes out of the lifts. And like I can to this day, I can still see her silhouette like this little old lady.

00:31:27:16 – 00:32:08:19

Ben Bressington

Right. And just starts bitching on us as young kids. Right? Just you can’t be doing that. Stop doing that. Like just yell and go on a team. So we jump off and the belief I took from that one interaction was that I can’t enjoy myself, I can’t have fun. I’m not entitled to have fun. And that set me up for how I lived through college, through high school, through through the first ten years, 20 years of like my business development life and all this type of stuff.

00:32:08:19 – 00:32:17:17

Ben Bressington

Like I would work seven days a week until I burnt out, I would burn myself out. I’d have to take a few days off and I’d feel guilty the entire time.

00:32:18:09 – 00:32:45:21

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And that is that is a real thing that a lot of people I think experience without talking about it. So I appreciate you bringing that up and that you were able to get through that for the most part. I don’t know if there are any real problems that we have that don’t really stem from childhood. I think pretty much all of it stems from childhood and I, I love the visual.

00:32:46:05 – 00:33:07:23

Ben Bressington

Yeah. How you connect with people, how you connect with your loved ones, how you like everything, your beliefs. Like it’s all from childhood, from your parents, from you not having parents, from the loss of parents from a divorce like it’s all there. You’re literally responding. And the thing is, until you become aware of that and address that, that’s what will run your life.

00:33:08:00 – 00:33:27:07

Ben Bressington

You are where you are because of the choices and decisions and the belief patterns you’ve made and what a lot of people aren’t aware of is you can program your beliefs. So imagine sitting down now and designing everything you want in your personality. For some people, it’s actually easy to get everything. I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be.

00:33:27:07 – 00:33:50:19

Ben Bressington

I don’t want this. I don’t want that. I don’t want to respond in anger to this. I don’t want this and then flip it. And until you can actually define a list and actually be aware of that, and there’s hypnosis and meditation you can actually use to then implant that into your subconscious brain, right? Because your subconscious literally has a subconscious computer program responding to everything based on your childhood.

00:33:50:19 – 00:34:02:16

Ben Bressington

And and if you don’t if you don’t become aware of that, like you respond to things in ways that you’re like, what if you really become conscious? So you’re like, Why the hell am I doing that?

00:34:02:20 – 00:34:21:03

Nick McGowan

You know, where awareness is such, it’s the catalyst to really any change. If you’re not aware your house is on fire, then you might just walk into a burning building. If you’re aware that something’s going on with that fire, then you would do something about it. But it takes that awareness.

00:34:21:03 – 00:34:41:15

Ben Bressington

And there’s the old story of that, right? Of like there’s this old lady in a rocking chair and there’s the dog, the on the patio. They sit there in the afternoon and she’s on a rocking chair. And as she walks back the dog and as she walks back again, the dog is and she rocked back again. And the husband looks at the wife and goes, What the hell’s wrong with him?

00:34:41:15 – 00:35:10:13

Ben Bressington

And she goes, He’s too he’s too lazy to actually move because I’m rocking on his tail every time I walk back. Right. But it’s comfortable. He’s comfortable and he doesn’t want to move. He’s okay with the pain. And you think have to ask, like I say to people, worry the dying are thriving. And the thing is, is you have to look at and go, well, how many situations am I actually accepting dying in being at work, going to work with a boss, with a partner, with a loved one, with with your spouse.

00:35:11:14 – 00:35:21:03

Ben Bressington

Like, how are you letting that situation help you thrive? Or are you settling for doing less? Settling for a less a human than you want to be?

00:35:22:05 – 00:35:43:15

Nick McGowan

Yeah, that’s a scary question. And it can be scary as shit for somebody to actually answer that, for them to say, no, it’s not where I want to be, but that’s real talk and you got to figure that out. Figure out what you want to actually do from there. Then you’ve gone, you’ve gotten into a lot of different stuff and touched on a couple.

00:35:44:06 – 00:35:55:06

Nick McGowan

What sound like key moments in time for you? Are there any other episode modes or situations that stand out to you throughout life that you can look at and go, Wow, that was one of those moments in time that changed me.

00:35:56:01 – 00:36:18:19

Ben Bressington

Yeah, like there’s always the business ships like so at there’s a long time I, I struggled with my own self worth and this is something really constantly worked on, even to this day. And for the longest period of time, I’d come up with these ideas, I’d start these businesses, but I’d seek a partner to run it and, like, be the leader.

00:36:19:18 – 00:36:41:21

Ben Bressington

Because I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t believe I was worthy of doing that or feeling that role. And and that would never end up well, because they weren’t they were the they weren’t the creator. They weren’t they were impersonated. I was following some guru trying to be the next Tony Robbins, whoever the hell they were, whatever, like.

00:36:41:21 – 00:37:05:13

Ben Bressington

And I was and I was seeking this whole that once I got started with them, they couldn’t even be fixing or they couldn’t even be resolving, if that makes sense. And that’s problematic because it’s like unfulfilled expectations. There’s an expectation that it’s not going to met and as a result, it’s going to be a problem. So in six months from now, eight months of now, once the honeymoon is over, all the shit is going to hit the roof some way.

00:37:05:13 – 00:37:11:05

Ben Bressington

And then you kind of feel disappointed because I’ve just I gave half of everything to a Yahoo!

00:37:11:16 – 00:37:17:10

Nick McGowan

Are there any key specific ones you want to point out without naming Yahoo’s?

00:37:17:10 – 00:37:43:18

Ben Bressington

There’s a there was a whole bunch of Yahoo! So I have been through that ringer many a time and I’ve even give a six figures to these yahoos to help me build this business and blah, blah, blah and Yahoo! It’s like, yeah, it’s, it’s a reason. It’s the reason I moved from Canada to the US at the time I had a business relationship and then like I paid them six figures to do what they said they were going to do.

00:37:44:15 – 00:38:07:19

Ben Bressington

They didn’t do what they said they were going to do. And now you’re in Canada. What are you going to do that 21 days later? I was living in Tampa, Florida. I was already in Clearwater, Florida, St Petersburg, Florida. And I like I walk into the room now with these guys still to this very day and the guy shoots his pants and he’s a big self-help guru, like absolutely shits his pants and he’ll leave the room.

00:38:08:15 – 00:38:37:10

Ben Bressington

I can it’s it’s funny now, but back then oh my God. Like I rained hell because yeah. When you lose six figures, you lose all momentum from a company that you’re building and running and you get sidetracked, which at the end of the day, I ended up losing a big business because I got sidetracked with shit. I started focusing on what didn’t happen, what wasn’t going on, rather than focusing as like with the being being bullish and going, okay, how do I want to respond in this moment?

00:38:37:10 – 00:38:48:13

Ben Bressington

How do I want to be? Where do we want to go? And my dropping my focus on what is working to focus on and recover a pile of shit.

00:38:48:13 – 00:38:53:21

Nick McGowan

Sometimes you got to let the shit be what are what would you say was your major lesson that you took out of that time?

00:38:54:03 – 00:39:24:02

Ben Bressington

A major lesson, one that I don’t need a partner that I can do it. You don’t you you you are worthy of doing it. And if and you can’t beat the work, you can’t skip the step of doing the work. Right? Someone’s got to show up. Someone’s got to make the phone call, someone’s got to send the emails, even I can remember making phone calls and I was so powerful and paranoid to make the phone call.

00:39:24:02 – 00:39:47:05

Ben Bressington

Make the call like I couldn’t pick up the phone. Like, it’d just get so heavy. I’d rather go to the dentist. I’d make I’d go clean the toilet because I’d rather clean the toilet right now than make a phone call to someone who I know wanted to give me money. Right. Like like there’s fundamentals of conversation. And I think it send back to me being so shy, me being embarrassed about who I was and not comfortable in my own skin.

00:39:47:05 – 00:40:05:05

Ben Bressington

And you have to really start to own this stuff like, hey, are you comfortable with who you are? Are you? If you’re an introvert, great. How are you going to create systems to support you, to make you thrive rather than make you die? If that makes sense. And I was I was hoping that somebody else would facilitate these systems to help make me better.

00:40:05:15 – 00:40:35:05

Ben Bressington

But they’ll want everyone looks after their own interest behavior when I want like you’re going to go after your own interests first at the cost of everybody else. So if I know and can actually understand what your self-interest is and make sure I align my goal to your self-interest, now we can get somewhere. But most people never do that stuff because then as I’m happy to give, give, give, give, give, because you getting what you want gets me what I want.

00:40:35:05 – 00:40:52:07

Ben Bressington

It’s it’s not about not being giver. It’s about knowing that, hey, self-interest will always be first. And when you are a giver, we’re thinking people will give back to you and look after you and help you like it doesn’t work that way. Hmm.

00:40:52:07 – 00:41:17:15

Nick McGowan

That’s that’s a solid point. And I think it edges on the, on a thin line of being super pessimistic and being slightly optimistic only because you’ve been through that. But it sounds like you’ve also had to go through that to be able to realize, you know, fuck all you people, I’m Ben. I’m going to do what I need to do and be bullish in that sort of way so I can appreciate that energy.

00:41:17:23 – 00:41:22:15

Nick McGowan

And I hope more people piss you off so that you do greater things. Does that sound good?

00:41:23:17 – 00:41:27:12

Ben Bressington

Oh, that sounds like it’s going to be a hell of a rollercoaster, but thank you very much for the blessing.

00:41:28:13 – 00:41:33:07

Nick McGowan

You’re welcome. I mean, we’re both on this crazy fucking roller coaster. So, man.

00:41:33:07 – 00:41:43:16

Nick McGowan

On that note, it’s been a pleasure to have you on the show. I appreciate you jumping on and sharing all your wisdom. Why don’t you give us what’s that one piece of advice that you’d give that’s on their path towards self-mastery.

00:41:45:05 – 00:42:08:15

Ben Bressington

Become and stay the course. So the thing is, is as they say, the obstacle is the way they’re in a avoid it. Don’t go around it, go through it, become aware of your situation, become aware of who you are, who you want to be. And at times it may mean dropping friends, dropping activities, because there’s no excuse to doing the work.

00:42:08:22 – 00:42:31:11

Ben Bressington

There really just ain’t. And the best thing you can become and when you try to see yourself as aware of your behaviors, of your habits, of what you say, how you react, how you feel, like write this stuff down like it I feel in that moment. How do I feel what I’m telling that person? What’s the belief I have running my head like, what’s that little voice in my head saying to me right now in this situation?

00:42:31:11 – 00:42:41:07

Ben Bressington

Because you have to track this stuff, otherwise it’s programing you to do certain things and you would like it or you don’t. So become aware that awareness is key.

00:42:41:17 – 00:42:45:13

Nick McGowan

It’s great advice, man. So Ben, where can people find you and connect with you?

00:42:45:22 – 00:43:16:00

Ben Bressington

Hey, if they want to connect with, they can hit me up. Ben, behave yourself. Say, if they don’t want to hit up me directly because I’m a scary Australians use help at behavior sales dot com you can spell it the American way or the English way you’ll hit it up if you want access to the book. I did write this book People Ignorant, which actually takes how I rip out my own behavior, help people repat and I do a whole lot of cool stuff with personality mapping and awareness if they email help, but the heavy sales mentioned the podcast, they’ll actually get free access to the online version of the book and some videos and

00:43:16:00 – 00:43:21:05

Ben Bressington

some training, and they can help them start to ask these questions of like what we’ve been talking about today.

00:43:21:23 – 00:43:26:05

Nick McGowan

It’s great stuff, man. Again, Ben, thank you so much for being on the show. It’s been a pleasure.

00:43:26:05 – 00:43:34:10

Ben Bressington

My pleasure.

00:43:35:05 – 00:43:57:20

Nick McGowan

Another great conversation on today’s episode of The Mindset and Self-mastery show. So what did you think of the show today? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Check out the Instagram or Facebook page to join the conversation. If you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review. It helps us be found and helps others be healed.

00:43:58:09 – 00:44:19:01

Nick McGowan

If this episode Open Your Eyes made you think or smile at all, then I’m sure it’ll do the same for your friends. Check out the show notes for more info from today’s episode and check out other episodes on the Mindset and Self-mastery show dot com as well as our YouTube channel. Just go to YouTube and look up the mindset and self-mastery show.

00:44:19:16 – 00:44:43:00

Nick McGowan

Thanks again to our incredible guest for being real, honest and vulnerable with us today. And with that, remember, your mindset matters. And so do you.