Nick McGowan (00:01.494)

hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan, and today on the show I have Kadeem Alphanso Fyffe. Kadeem, how you doing today?

Kadeem A Fyffe (00:13.014)

Hi Nick, I’m doing so well. Thank you again for having me on the show. I’m so happy to be here.

Nick McGowan (00:19.07)

Absolutely. I appreciate you saying again. Look, we’ve tried this a few times, had some technical difficulties and all that. I was just saying to you before we hit record, like at this point, we’ve, we’ve gotten to know each other a little bit. And I feel like this is going to be a great conversation. The first one that we had that no one will ever hear because it got all botched and messed up was a great conversation. But I think we’re going to be able to go deeper into this. So man, why don’t you start us off? Tell us what you do for a living and what’s one thing that most people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre?

Kadeem A Fyffe (00:23.21)

Heheheheh!

Kadeem A Fyffe (00:30.508)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (00:35.502)

Hehehehe

Kadeem A Fyffe (00:46.694)

Yeah, absolutely. I’m glad to be doing this again. We’ll get it right this time. So yeah, as you said, my name is Kadim Alfonso Fife. I am a fashion designer and I’m based in New York. And…

Oh, sorry, one second. I’m sorry. So my name is Kadim Afanza Fife and I’m a fashion designer based in New York City. I also work as a design and production consultant where I help other entrepreneurs or creatives sort of take their creative vision from initial concept to market. And through that process, I recently decided that I wanted to put that into a book, sort of this like tangible resource for my clients or for other potential people. So I’m also a recently published author

my book, Threading the Needle, a Fashion Designer’s Guide to Successfully Launching Your First Collection, was published in May and is available everywhere books are sold online. So that’s just a bit about me. And then the fun fact, so I was raised in Durham, North Carolina, and I actually, in very true southern fashion, was a male debutante, which is called a beau, rather than a deb. And so basically, this program was called the Botillion Militaire Program, run by Kappa Alpha Psi,

black. It’s part of, it’s one of the Divine Nine fraternities and it provides like young black men with mentoring guidance, training with self-awareness, college preparation, leadership training, and most importantly scholarships. And so that’s just like a fun little fun little fact that only a few people who maybe read the newspaper when it was announced know, but it did really shape me as a young adult and helped me prepare for college.

Nick McGowan (02:29.802)

So I wonder where that is on the interwebs. Where is that picture of you? Where’s that little article? Somebody must have put it out.

Kadeem A Fyffe (02:33.601)

Hahaha!

Kadeem A Fyffe (02:37.45)

Um, yeah, I mean, this was like in 2009, so, I mean, social media wasn’t huge, but there are some photos that were on my Facebook. And I’m sure it’s online somewhere on like local news.

Nick McGowan (02:48.771)

Ha ha

sure somebody’s got to resurrect that, pull that thing up. That’s such a cool thing for you to be able to go through that. And I know last time when we spoke, you told me a bit about how that was a weird thing being in the South and being black and then openly gay at that point. I know I’m getting ahead of us, but we’ve already had a bit of a conversation. So why don’t you tell us a bit about that?

Kadeem A Fyffe (02:56.551)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (03:06.893)

Eh-heh.

Kadeem A Fyffe (03:11.322)

Yeah. No worries. Yeah. So it was really important for me to…

be involved in this program because as you mentioned, I came out when I was 13, so I went through high school openly gay and I definitely faced a lot of challenges, but the other part of it was that my family’s Jamaican and so I faced another layer of discrimination or adversity because I wasn’t really accepted by certain communities. So it was important for me

in heritage in this traditionally African-American tradition. And then also be openly gay in this very sort of patriarchal, traditional setting, where typically when you’re a male debutante, you literally bring a girl date and you give her a ring. So the idea back in the day, it was a way that you courted to meet the person that you were going to marry.

heteronormative tradition and so for me I felt like I was kind of interrupting that and it was nice. And I felt accepted. I felt accepted within the program but it was challenging in the beginning.

Nick McGowan (04:31.372)

Okay.

Nick McGowan (04:36.201)

and

I could only imagine how challenging that is. I can remember being a 13 year old kid and thinking, I don’t know if I wanna play sports anymore or if I just wanna play music. Is this girl looking at me weird? Does she like me? And these are stupid things compared to the real life shit that you were going through and trying to figure out. Like, how do I use my own heritage? How do I be me fully? And how do I accept myself and work through that and all? Now with the heritage that you have, with your Jamaican heritage,

Kadeem A Fyffe (04:43.694)

Hehehehe

Kadeem A Fyffe (04:48.166)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (05:05.495)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (05:06.512)

that was really, really important for you because it was a familial thing, like your family was pushing it, or was that something that you felt deep inside of you to be able to do that?

Kadeem A Fyffe (05:15.678)

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it was just a part of me. My, you know, both of my parents are Jamaican. I am the first born American. So that was like another layer that added things to me. But it was very important for me to.

to my heritage and like, you know, make sure that I’m eating all the right foods and like making sure that we’re keeping our cultural traditions and that it doesn’t sort of like get washed out, you know, throughout the generations. And so it’s just really important for me to always represent that part. And that’s why I always mention, like in my bio, it always says like Jamaican American. It’s very important for me to represent both of those sides. And yeah, sometimes me being Jamaican

of like sit in conflict with my, with being open with my sexuality, especially that young because the culture is very religious. It’s like very, very Christian and my family was super Christian and so, and I like went to church all the time and I was kind of like drilled with this idea that like being gay was bad, but I always knew inside myself that this was something that, you know, this is just how I was born and this is, you know,

Nick McGowan (06:21.402)

Hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (06:28.784)

to say that out loud, that I didn’t choose something and this wasn’t, it’s not something that needs to be, I don’t need to be ashamed of it. So it was very, I’m happy that I went through that very young because it helped me self-actualize very, very young and made me, forced me to grow up. I was like, this is who I am and the world’s gonna have to accept me as I am. And having to deal with that in high school when everyone’s sort of going through the changes

Nick McGowan (06:40.574)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (06:52.93)

Heh heh.

Kadeem A Fyffe (06:58.744)

trying to figure out who they are, I already knew who I was and I had to in order to sort of protect myself.

Nick McGowan (07:07.15)

That’s a big thing about the whole religious side of things. And that was part of the reason why I was asking about the heritage. Was it because your family was pushing it? Was it something that was important to you? And that goes along with the religious side, where there’s a lot of people.

Kadeem A Fyffe (07:10.934)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (07:22.934)

I guess most everybody. They’re raised a certain way and this is what they’re taught to do and taught to be and this is how life should be and that’s what they kind of move along with. So for you to kind of buck at that, what did that look like for you to be able to really work through the idea of I might face some discrimination within my family, within the religious sect that I’m a part of and still make that right call for yourself?

Kadeem A Fyffe (07:31.093)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (07:43.209)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (07:50.194)

Yeah, I mean, for me, it just came down to that. I remember the day that I was like, okay, I’m coming out. One, it was sort of just like blatantly obvious because I was…

quite feminine, like as a young person. And so it was like, I was told that I was gay by people before I knew I was gay, which is often the case. Like you’re bully, the bully normally tells you first, which I’m like, how do you know? But anyway, when I decided, the thing was I was like, I don’t want anyone to have a narrative about me. Like you can’t, I don’t want other people controlling my narrative. If I come out and say that this is who I am, then no one can sort of like take that away from me or like use it as a negative thing. And so to your point,

Nick McGowan (08:07.214)

Ha ha ha.

Nick McGowan (08:13.71)

Ha ha ha.

Kadeem A Fyffe (08:30.224)

question rather, there was a day where I was like, I know this to be true about me, and so it doesn’t matter what other people say, whether that be in the church or within my family, like if it, you know, because of, you know, these sort of like older traditional archaic views about like sexuality and stuff, I was like, we need to like, you know, step into the future. And I also had other…

I had role models who I could see in my community who were like, well, that person is sort of like me and they’re fine. And so I’m not the only one sort of dealing with this. And actually I remember, I remember when I sort of had that realization, I was watching the Christina Aguilera video for music video for the song Beautiful. And it was like the first time that like she that artists like portrayed a gay guy, like two guys kissed on camera on VHS.

Nick McGowan (09:20.846)

Hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (09:27.748)

and they let it air and it was a big controversy, but I remember pointing to the TV, luckily I was home alone, but I pointed to the TV and I was like, oh, that’s who I am, that’s what I am. I know these are the feelings that I’ve been, whatever. Because up until that point I had girlfriends, just like everybody does. You’re a little boy in the South, you have a girlfriend, whatever. That’s just what it is, but I was like, I don’t actually like her like that. And so having that, seeing somebody, seeing representation on TV was really important for me, but then also there were other people.

in my community, like, had a gay teacher. And I was like, well, if he’s doing fine in life, I’m sure that there’s a future out there for me. And so I sort of, you know, in my day-to-day life now, I like to think of myself as that role model for other people. And I like to live my life like out and proud because representation is important. And I have a platform and, you know, I want to make sure that some, you know, little black kid in the South, maybe he sees me or sees my name somewhere.

that I was able to come out of that situation and be successful and that just because he’s dealing with adversity or certain challenges with his family or his faith, that anything is still possible and that it doesn’t have to be sort of like this death sentence, like you don’t, it’s not the end all be all because someone called you out of your name.

Nick McGowan (10:30.71)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (10:50.277)

I think you brought up a great and interesting point about representation. It can be really hard for a lot of people to be able to see outside of themselves.

until they actually see somebody outside of themselves. Then they see that representation. And I understand from how I was raised and even the color of my skin, that there’s privilege that comes along with that, or so I thought, and that I could look around and see a lot of people that I thought were similar to me, but they weren’t really. That’s gotta be more difficult for people like yourself, for…

Kadeem A Fyffe (11:04.374)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (11:13.248)

Right.

Kadeem A Fyffe (11:24.545)

Hehe.

Nick McGowan (11:25.67)

other people. There’s an image in my mind that I saw maybe a few years ago where it was some little girl standing up against um like I don’t know she was two or three like standing up against the tv and pointing at some Pixar character or something that looked almost exactly like her and the caption just said the point of representation. I was like wow.

Kadeem A Fyffe (11:36.545)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (11:44.402)

Yeah, I know the exact image you’re talking about. Yeah.

Nick McGowan (11:46.762)

Yeah, and I’m sure a lot of people that will listen to this will remember that. And that’s gotta be a pivotal moment for that little girl to be able to see that representation. Now, it can be no matter color or your disability or abilities or anything like that, but let’s actually get into that a little bit. I think you’ve got a lot that you’ve brought to the table, not just within your life, but what you do for the entrepreneurs and the creatives. So talk to me a bit about that representation and what that looks like for you.

Kadeem A Fyffe (12:00.503)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (12:11.183)

Right.

Kadeem A Fyffe (12:15.214)

Yeah, I mean, that’s so cool that you mentioned that I-

No, as soon as you started saying it, I was like, I know the exact image you’re talking about and yeah and I think that’s important because and that was a that’s a current image like that’s something that happened recently and Because I think like, you know We’re doing a better job about having diverse representation in media And especially for kids like it’s important for like the little black girl to see another little black girl like living a happy life And like she doesn’t like necessarily like only need to play with like white Barbie dolls or something

Nick McGowan (12:21.014)

Right there, yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (12:48.196)

that there needs to be a widespread, there needs to be options. And I think that you need to be able to see yourself in someone else to realize that there’s a world of possibility out there for you. And so I think the key word there is possibility. And so I think that for me, it’s kind of like two things. Like I said, I do this work, but I also, like I don’t, you know, whenever I enter a room, it’s very obvious who I am

Nick McGowan (12:49.262)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (13:06.093)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (13:18.636)

I’m obviously black, I’m obviously open with my sexuality, and I express it through clothing and things like that. And so when I walk into a room, I walk in confidently, and that just signals to everybody, like, I’m here and this is just what it’s gonna be. And then that also might signal to someone else who maybe isn’t as secure with themselves in whatever category. They can see me and know that it’s okay to be confident in yourself in whatever room we’re in. And then the other part is about possibility.

So the work is really about the work and like the stuff that I talk about in the book is trying to give people a roadmap.

roadmap to succeed in this very sort of like niche category It’s like this is how I have this is how I’ve helped others build their brands and this is how you can do it these are the stuff that I’ve taken these are some of the mistakes that I’ve made and so, you know, I try to it’s sort of like a I went through it so that you don’t have to kind of thing and I think that it’s really important in fashion which is something that I talked about in a recent interview, which was more fashion focused, but

Nick McGowan (14:17.945)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (14:25.346)

People within the industry will know that fashion is like a very, very gate-kept industry. Like, it’s very hard to break into. You have to like go to certain schools. You need to make the right connections. Typically, you need to come for money. Like, there’s a whole host of reasons why a lot of people don’t go into the arts because it’s like not necessarily secure or whatever. So there’s a lot of steps that you need to, a lot of sort of criteria that you need to have in order to one, like arrive at the conclusion that you want to work in fashion. But then once you decide that you want to put yourself out there,

out there and make your brand available for others. They’re like very, you know, there’s a bunch of steps that you need to take and I think a lot of people who are novices do not, are just like not aware. And so I just wanted to sort of put this information out to help guide people. And so I think anything that I’m doing is all about showing people.

showing people that things are possible. Like that I want to give people this idea about possibility and that your dreams are within reach as long as you are like very steadfast on your goals and make sure that you have like a detailed plan and, you know, make sure that you set deadlines and actually like, you know, hold yourself accountable. And so that’s, you know, kind of like that’s what I try to do as a consultant is hold myself accountable as a professional, but then also hold my clients accountable. It’s like we’re doing this today, then we’re going to do this.

steps and as long as we follow it we’ll get to we’ll get from point A to point Z and again it’s all about taking people’s creative vision from initial concept to market and there’s so many detours that people can take if you not if you’re not guided by the right person who has done it before so

Nick McGowan (16:03.578)

It’s difficult to be able to follow your own path. It can be easy to try to follow somebody else’s path, but that somebody else’s path isn’t always the exact same things that you can go through. And especially then we toss in the mix of the creative people. You and I are both creatives. This is what we do, this is how we live life. However, it’s fucking crazy sometimes because there’s so much, there’s a lot that you can do. And then to toss in discipline.

Kadeem A Fyffe (16:06.998)

For sure. Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (16:13.898)

Right.

Kadeem A Fyffe (16:17.854)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (16:24.562)

Hehehehe

Kadeem A Fyffe (16:31.839)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (16:32.17)

and accountability and things of that sort for creatives can sometimes feel like it squishes their energy and the way that they work. I know that I felt that before and shit, I have a mindset and self-mastery show. Self-mastery is basically just discipline, but that’s because of my pursuit of trying to figure out how to flow throughout life, be disciplined.

Kadeem A Fyffe (16:40.862)

Oh for sure.

Kadeem A Fyffe (16:47.446)

Heheheheh… Yeah.

Nick McGowan (16:55.466)

and not let things fall through the cracks at the same time still being able to work through that. So what sort of advice do you give to somebody that’s trying to figure that out and go, all right, well, I’m creative and I need to flow through my creative juices, but I still need to get my shit done.

Kadeem A Fyffe (17:09.966)

Yeah, that’s a very delicate balance. And I think that, I mean, I think just like in general, self-discipline is extremely difficult. Like, and I think that that’s just like a journey that we’re all on. I think there’s like an age you hit and it’s like, okay, well if…

Nick McGowan (17:14.126)

Ha ha ha.

Kadeem A Fyffe (17:27.31)

If it’s not gonna get done unless I do it, when you have that realization, that’s when I think you wake up and grow up and it’s like, I have to do this today because it needs to get done. That’s like, I think the foundation of discipline is that you just have to get things done. But yeah, being creative is tough because you wanna just, I mean, I’m trying to say two things actually. It’s like, there’s a point where,

Nick McGowan (17:30.877)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (17:54.206)

you can be creatively blocked. And it’s like, I can’t create. And that’s a problem when it’s your job. So it’s like, well, I do need to create today. And so there’s this gray area that you can live in sometimes where it’s like, listen, I need to put out a collection, but I’m not feeling creatively inspired. But it doesn’t change the fact that there are deadlines and that I still have to produce. And so…

Nick McGowan (17:58.114)

Mm-hmm

Nick McGowan (18:17.54)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (18:22.326)

But then there’s those times when you’re…

when you’re in a deep creative flow and you’re just like, oh my God, I have all these crazy ideas. This happens to me sometimes, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and be like, oh my God, I need to design a dress right now because it’s in my head. When I can see it most vividly is when I need to create. And I just let myself feel. When I am feeling creative, that’s when I create. And when I don’t, I go back to the reserves of all the things that I created and we whip out something. I’ll be like, okay, well, I designed eight dresses in March or something like that. Let’s go back to that

Nick McGowan (18:34.458)

Hehehe

Kadeem A Fyffe (18:55.768)

them to reflect how I’m feeling now or reflect like trends that are going on now and just like you know make it more current but I don’t so that’s the way that I kind of mend those two things it’s like I create when I can and when I have it and then those periods when I need to just produce I go back to the work that I’ve already done and so that’s a part of discipline too it’s like knowing that I have that I have those highs and lows I need to I need to make sure that I’m producing at a really high level when I can.

And so I think my advice for other people is just like let yourself feel especially as creatives like you know when you’re in a creative flow just like let it let the flow happen and Produce as much as you can because at the end of the day we’re I mean unless you don’t work We all have to work. So, you know, we’re all we’re all producing and so just make sure that your output

Nick McGowan (19:43.642)

Ha ha ha.

Kadeem A Fyffe (19:49.59)

Your output is always there and it’s always the goal. And I think goal, you know, that’s a kind of a buzzword there is really key for me and the way that I approach discipline. Like I can be a very disciplined person, but I can also not be, but I like allow myself that space. There’s like periods where I’m like, listen, we’re off today. Like I’m taking a personal day or like it’s the weekend and we’re just gonna have fun, whatever, because you can’t just be like on all the time. Like who can run it 100% all the time, not me. But…

Nick McGowan (20:08.931)

Ha ha ha.

Kadeem A Fyffe (20:19.901)

Bye.

I make sure that I start every day with a to-do list, and I make a to-do list for either that day or for the whole week, and I do not go into my weekend unless I have checked off everything on that list, and that’s my version of discipline. For other people, it might be like taking martial arts, or for other people, like waking up and having a morning routine that they follow every day, and if they don’t, they feel off, that kind of thing. So I think it’s just those little things that you put in place for yourself that work for you. So do what works for you.

is the main piece of advice there.

Nick McGowan (20:55.418)

Yeah, and there’s a bit of grace that you need to have with yourself too. Because those days when you’re able to produce and you’re just in a flow, you’re able to rock through it. And then the other days where you’re like, you know, fuck all this, I wanna go outside. Or I wanna go do this. Or I just don’t want anybody to be near me all day long. Like everybody just leave me the fuck alone. Yeah. But you brought up a few things that really stood out though.

Kadeem A Fyffe (20:59.355)

Yes.

Kadeem A Fyffe (21:05.218)

Yeah.

Yeah. And you need to, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I think that that’s a really important thing that a lot of people.

Mm-hmm. A lot of people don’t give themselves that grace. Yeah, I was going to say, I think a lot of people don’t give themselves that grace, especially in like this, like hustle culture that we live in. Like everybody’s.

Nick McGowan (21:21.985)

Yeah, go for it. Go ahead.

Kadeem A Fyffe (21:30.902)

just like, I have to work, work. It’s like, but listen, we also need to be realistic. We do have to work and like some, if you have to pay your bills, do what you gotta do. But there are days where you’re just like, I can’t do this. Like I can’t. And I need to just like, let it be okay that I’m not working. And that was a big learning lesson for me that like basically took all of my 20s because I just was like, no, I have to work. What are you talking about? But sometimes it’s just not, it’s not the, it’s not what you need

Nick McGowan (21:32.662)

Nonsense.

Kadeem A Fyffe (22:00.997)

So I agree with you there.

Nick McGowan (22:03.258)

Well, think of the timeframe that you were in your 20s. I think of the timeframe that maybe our parents were in their 20s and way back, even a few hundred years ago. Like there’s been the differences between the hustle culture and you’ve got to grind and do all these things. I think a lot of that shit actually really started to happen in the 80s, at least most recently for us. And then it’s kind of filtered in from there. My parents, I was born in the 80s,

Kadeem A Fyffe (22:12.522)

Uh-huh.

Kadeem A Fyffe (22:25.984)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (22:32.103)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (22:33.692)

of the 60s 70s but they were in their heyday in the 80s they were in their 20s in the 80s trying to figure this stuff out and then of course they’re gonna fucking pile drive it down my throat to try to do that and the rest of the culture and society is telling us to do the same thing so for us to be able to have that passion and that purpose that we feel we’re being led to do we can’t let that actually get in the way of us recharging and relaxing and

Kadeem A Fyffe (22:36.13)

Great.

Great.

Kadeem A Fyffe (22:46.89)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (23:01.907)

Right.

Nick McGowan (23:03.132)

you’ll into it. So you’d mentioned earlier like produce when you can produce and then when you can’t go back and look at other things there’s a key piece to that I think we could easily just jump over and I don’t want to. I want us to look at when you can produce and you’re on it just fucking go. Just do what you can and have fun with it. Don’t think of it as like well I have to produce all this craziness just sit down and do just have fun just create.

Kadeem A Fyffe (23:06.667)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (23:18.762)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (23:26.478)

But then when you’re not able to, I’ve realized that I can look back at those things and I’m glad you brought that up. I can look back and go, I remember this, and then it’ll push me in a direction or nudge me in some sort of direction. So when people are in a spot where they’re like for you with fashion, for me with music, I think of we can create and just kind of put to the side. There are people that will fall into those within whatever industry they’re in.

Kadeem A Fyffe (23:37.428)

Oh yeah.

Nick McGowan (23:56.472)

an industry that’s like this, and maybe they’re in an industry where they have to create for work and it’s not specifically for them and their creative juices, how would you encourage them to be able to do that?

Kadeem A Fyffe (24:09.258)

Yeah, that’s tricky. I feel like that’s the million dollar question. Whoever can figure that out needs to listen. Whoever can master that. But, I mean, I think…

Nick McGowan (24:16.462)

Come on, Kadim, we need millions here.

Kadeem A Fyffe (24:24.95)

The thing I’ll say about that, I think it’s just like giving yourself time to learn, well actually to unlearn, that like, you know, thinking of this thing as maybe like a hobby, you know, and rather than something that you have to do for a check, which goes back to what you were saying, I think that…

Nick McGowan (24:32.559)

Hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (24:44.378)

you were kind of raised in that nine to five culture, which all Americans know that 40 hour week, we’re all just trained on that. You have to come in, you have to work these hours, and this is what you accomplish, and then you go home and then you get a check, and then you live after that. But now we’re kind of in a different place now where you can live and work with remote work and all of this stuff. I think this shift is super important because people are living more. And I think that that’s important.

where people…

work to live and I think what we do is live to work. Unfortunately, our Americans, I think, are people who live to work. Like we get up and we’re like, gotta work. And so I think it’s just about unlearning that a little bit and saying, OK, well, yes, I do have to work because we do all have to produce and we do all have bills that we need to pay. But you can also try to insert a little bit of that fun and that enjoyment. Like, what is the thing that when you do it, you feel happy? You know, like

or what is that thing that you’ve always wanted to do? Like what is a thing that you loved when you were a kid? And I think that for me at least, fashion, luckily what I do is what I love. Which can actually be a little bit tricky too because then it’s like, oh my God, like this thing that I love so much, I have to give out to the world. Like when I create a garment, there are times where I’m like, oh my God, I like don’t wanna release this because then it’s not mine anymore. Like it doesn’t feel like mine,

Nick McGowan (25:54.404)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (26:07.97)

Hehehehehe

Nick McGowan (26:15.427)

Huh.

Kadeem A Fyffe (26:16.164)

So that’s like the artist’s dilemma. It’s like showing your art. It’s because then it becomes up for consumption. It becomes available for consumption and it becomes available for critique. But I think that that’s how critique keeps people honest. And I think that artists and creatives should not fear putting their work out because otherwise I don’t think they’re gonna grow. And well, one, they’re not gonna make sales if they don’t put it out, but they’re also just not gonna grow as an artist.

feedback and so I think just do whatever makes you happy and do it well like you know get like I find happiness in the learning part of it I find happiness in like trying to do something really well and I’m still on a journey on that like I I’m still on a journey with that like I always there are so many things that I learn every day in the industry from other people from like reading magazines from online from you know watching on social media like

Nick McGowan (26:53.123)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (27:15.684)

and trying to be inspired and I’m always trying to constantly learn because I don’t think that you just like, you know, get your degree and you know everything and you just go off into the world and do whatever. It’s like I want to continue to learn but I also want to be happy while I’m learning. And so yeah, so that process, I think find the thing that brings you joy and also brings you money.

Nick McGowan (27:40.814)

Yeah, well, it’s such a tricky Venn diagram to try to live within.

Kadeem A Fyffe (27:44.876)

It is.

Nick McGowan (27:46.998)

You and I do that. You are in the industry that you wanna be in, you’re doing what you love. I’m in the industry that I wanna be in, I’m doing what I love, but there’s still times, and I’m sure we could probably just riff on this episode, if not after recording of different times, or you’re like, there are times where I just say, fuck today, I’m done. I don’t want anything to do with today, or whatever. And that happens no matter what you’re doing. People will look at celebrities, or they’ll look at sports stars, and they’ll be like,

Kadeem A Fyffe (27:52.243)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (28:05.822)

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Heheheheh.

Nick McGowan (28:16.472)

life on high, always doing all these incredible things like bullshit, absolute bullshit. But you’ve brought up a few things about people having to make money.

Kadeem A Fyffe (28:18.672)

No.

Nope, not true.

Kadeem A Fyffe (28:26.36)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (28:26.634)

especially in this society, it’s not like, it’s not like we all have millions of dollars to just screw around and figure out what we wanna do. And those small percentage of people that are trust fund babies, or the people that have loads of money, from what I’ve noticed typically are kind of unguided. They just don’t really know what to do. They don’t really have a direction. And then there are the people that have made lots of money, or they have had money within their family, and they have this massive calling that they’re really pushing for and they’re pursuing.

Kadeem A Fyffe (28:34.475)

Okay

Kadeem A Fyffe (28:37.811)

Yeah

Kadeem A Fyffe (28:46.926)

Thank you.

Kadeem A Fyffe (28:55.049)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (28:56.768)

I think there’s a question here for people to think about. Those of you that are listening to the episode, those of you that read the transcripts or whatever, think about the question of if you’re in something that you hate, why the fuck are you still there?

Kadeem A Fyffe (29:11.406)

Correct.

Nick McGowan (29:11.886)

And it can be difficult to be able to get out of that, but you’ve got to start with that first question. Like you’ve had jobs before you got in doing what you’re doing. I’ve had different jobs. I’ve had different companies before I’ve gotten into doing what I’m doing now. And there’s still things where we have every day that stuff comes up and like, we realize that we’re not 100%. We realize that we’re not there, but it is enjoying that process as you’re talking about. But those people, and I’m sure you’ve had clients where you’re, they’re like, look, I,

I want to pursue this but you know, I’ve got my family and I’ve got my job and I’ve got my this and that like if you Could be really fucking direct with those people. How would you put that?

Kadeem A Fyffe (29:42.062)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (29:50.622)

Yeah. I mean, I think it, you’re right, I have.

encounter the situation with myself, but then also with other people and also like friends like having to have this conversation with friends too like What do you really want to do? But what I always say is like well first of all it is extremely important to be realistic be like look these are the things that I have to do in order for me to like Survive or whatever and maybe I maybe you do that up until a point and you say okay I’m gonna do what I need to up until this point and then I’m gonna go out and like take that leap of faith and I think that often

Nick McGowan (30:02.935)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (30:27.016)

scared to take a leap of faith to do something that they’re not used to. And so guiding people through that where it’s like, hey, you can do both for a little bit. And I think that that’s kind of the journey of the entrepreneur is that we know that sometimes you might, I’m working on a project, a big project or a book or something, but I might need to go get a bartending job or something because I still need my day to day to be covered kind of thing.

Nick McGowan (30:37.625)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (30:57.156)

I’m gonna do both for three months and then I’m gonna pursue this project fully for six months or whatever it is And I’m still gonna hit my goal. And so with

Nick McGowan (31:02.552)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (31:06.338)

I guess the point there is be goal driven and purpose driven. And I think that was going back to what you were saying, that a lot of people can lack purpose. And I think that is the most important thing for me, at least, has been working with purpose and letting my purpose drive me. And I make decisions based on like, does this align with what my overall goals are, with what my overall purpose is? Like, what impact do I want to have on the world? And does my action or this project

Nick McGowan (31:22.286)

Hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (31:36.112)

or whatever, align with that, align with whatever that mission is. And I think that if you, even if, let’s say you’re, you know, you can do anything and be purpose-driven, even if it’s like something like more of like a.

If you’re purpose-driven, you could literally like work at McDonald’s and that could still be as long as it feels something that you need Like if your thing is like I want to help people. Okay, great. That’s your purpose Go help people over there that kind of thing but maybe that teaches you some lessons and then you have a You know you use those lessons that you learned at that job and translate that into something bigger And I think that that’s also a thing to always be looking for something bigger like what’s the next goal? Like what are we reaching for?

Nick McGowan (32:13.297)

Hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (32:21.216)

can sometimes get stalled, especially if they’re working, you know, sort of like a nine to five. And this goes back to the friend part, that I’m in my young 30s, early 30s right now, and a lot of my friends are having this like rut that they’re in where it’s like, oh my God, I’ve been in like the same career, the same job, the same company for like five, seven, 10 years, and I’m like deeply, deeply unhappy. Like what have I done in the last 10 years? Like what do I have to show for myself?

what have I, you know, when like if I go tomorrow, what is the world going to say about me? Nothing. They’re going to say nothing. And so it’s like these, I think people are having this moment where it’s like, oh my God, I want them to say something about me when my time here is up. And so that’s that links back to the purpose thing. If you were operating with purpose, or if you choose to start operating with purpose, then all of your actions will start to leave a

Nick McGowan (33:09.997)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (33:20.736)

to teach myself, but luckily I had my, I had a quarter life crisis. I’m not dealing with it now. So when I was like 25, I was like, Oh my God, like I worked so, I worked so hard to get to this point in my life. I wanted to go to these schools. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I wanted to work at these companies. Check, check, did all the things. And I woke up one morning and was like, Oh my God, I’ve checked off my to-do lists for my life and I’m 25, which like that looks good and there’s a great on paper and I’m super proud of what I accomplished.

but I also was deeply unhappy. I was like, well, what do I do next? Certain goals I wasn’t supposed to hit until I was 30, and then now, flash forward, I hit 30, and I sort of made new goals for myself, but then I hit 30 and I had the same issue. And I was like, okay, wait, now we gotta plan for 35. What is next? And so I tried to plan my life with these five to 10 year blocks, but one thing I learned, especially with this most recent, when I hit 30, it was a real slap in the face.

Nick McGowan (34:07.886)

Hmm.

Hehehe

Kadeem A Fyffe (34:20.496)

I really had to look in the mirror and was like, who do you want to be and what do you wanna be remembered for? And one of my biggest fears is being forgotten, which we don’t have enough time to dig into why that is, but it is important for me that there is some sort of legacy. It doesn’t have to be huge. I hope that it is huge. I’m gonna keep going, of course, but even an interview like this, this one day later down in the life, later down in time,

Nick McGowan (34:34.458)

Hehehehe

Kadeem A Fyffe (34:50.436)

might listen and it may have an impact. And that’s just my whole point, that I always want to make sure that I’m having impact on people who I do not know. That has been my purpose. If I can’t meet you face to face, I still want you to be able to hear my voice or see my face or see my work and my creative output and have that inspire you. In some way, I don’t know, like people connect with your work in however they want to or however they’re able. But as long as I’m putting, putting my best foot forward and making sure that I’m again, using my platform.

responsibly, then I’m doing the thing that I said I wanted to do, which is try to inspire people to just continue going and to know that things are possible. Yeah, yeah.

Nick McGowan (35:32.142)

There’s a lot to that, a whole lot. And I can feel.

that there are people that are gonna listen to this episode and say, I hear you and that’s wonderful for you guys, that’s great, but you don’t know my situation or you don’t understand what I’m going through or what have you. And you’re right, we won’t unless they reach out or unless they’re a guest or whatever. They won’t really understand. But I do really wanna harp on the fact that, just like you’re saying, purpose is such a huge piece of what we’re about. Shit, it’s a major piece,

Kadeem A Fyffe (35:45.474)

Right. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah.

Nick McGowan (36:07.416)

do at Choose Your Calling, but it’s all about you having the purpose that you feel is right for you and aligned for you, but you don’t need to know exactly every single thing about it. That’s something that’s actually stepped, stepped in my way of myself saying, well I don’t know exactly what this is supposed to look like, so what the fuck do I do? And you kind of spin on things.

Kadeem A Fyffe (36:18.195)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (36:22.336)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (36:29.719)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (36:30.542)

And being in the spot where if you’ve got a job, if you’ve got your own business, if you’ve got something where you’ve gone five, 10, 15, 20 years down the road and you go, fuck, this isn’t what I want to do. This isn’t what I feel called to do. A lot of people, when they think about purpose and they think about a calling, they think it’s this giant fucking thing that’s going to be just talked about for eons. And that’s not always it. You’re, you may have that thing. You may be that next person to do that

Kadeem A Fyffe (36:35.374)

Uh huh.

Kadeem A Fyffe (36:44.449)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (36:50.25)

Heheheheh

Kadeem A Fyffe (36:54.235)

Yes. Yeah.

Nick McGowan (37:00.436)

next huge thing, but you may not. But you may also inspire somebody else to do something about that. So on your path, have you figured out what that looks like for you to be able to look at how I actually walk through my path of self-mastery, and what sort of advice would you give to somebody that’s on that path towards self-mastery?

Kadeem A Fyffe (37:21.93)

Absolutely. Yeah, that’s such a good point that some people never take the first step because they’re so They’re either like thinking way too grand and they’re like, well, how do I get there? And the answer is like start It’s too big. But also just like maybe it isn’t like I’ve always I have you know, I’ve always had like very

Nick McGowan (37:33.264)

It’s too big. Yeah.

Ahem.

Kadeem A Fyffe (37:42.622)

a big understanding of what I want to accomplish, but I’m also very realistic about what I’m capable of doing and what I’m capable of doing right now and what I might be capable of doing in the future. But what I do and what I think separates me from a lot of people is that I’m willing to try. I’m willing to make a mistake, and I don’t care if I look stupid or if I look like I failed or something. It’s like everybody fails. And most people just like to fail in private, but when you’re out there

more of a public face, you know, front-facing person, your failures are public. So I’ve just had to get used to that, whatever, and it’s fine because I always take a lesson and then I grow from it. And so I would say for, you know, my advice for other people who are on this path towards self-mastery is that you can’t master yourself, whatever that means, you know, become the best version of yourself is kind of how I, how I understand it. You can’t become that best version of yourself until you love yourself.

Nick McGowan (38:18.028)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (38:42.836)

I think self-love is so important until you look yourself in the mirror and it’s like, here are the things that make you special. That process of loving yourself takes time. I think it’s a journey. I’m still on it. I think lots of people are still on it. I think just within that process, just remain determined to become your best self and always give yourself grace in that process. Just know that you can do it.

Nick McGowan (38:44.014)

Beautiful

Kadeem A Fyffe (39:11.826)

The way that I’ve always kind of kept myself going is that I’ll look to my idols or my inspirations and see what their path was. It’s like, okay, well, they went to this school, they worked here, they kind of like, this is their aesthetic, that kind of thing. And I’ll just sort of like try to mimic that because it’s like, well, someone else did it. So it’s obviously possible.

It’s obviously possible. And so why can’t I? If someone else can do it. Actually this line, which is a perfect summary from Patti LaBelle’s version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, which just like is one of my favorite renditions of the song, but she says like if teeny weeny birds can fly over the rainbow, then why can’t I? And I feel like that’s just like a very, you know, simple but also profound question. And I feel like that’s the thing that people just need to challenge themselves. It’s like if a bird can fly over the rainbow,

Nick McGowan (39:47.842)

Hmm. Hmm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (40:05.784)

it is possible for you to achieve whatever you put your mind to. And I think that it just takes hard work and determination, which is not to simplify that or say that other people haven’t worked hard or whatever. But it’s those two things remaining steadfast in your goals and your purpose will guide you over the rainbow. And so one thing that I had said on the last time, which is just a funny thing, remember that Beyonce was not built in a day.

Nick McGowan (40:14.906)

Sure.

Nick McGowan (40:33.326)

Ha ha ha.

Kadeem A Fyffe (40:34.864)

Everybody knows that Beyonce always knew she would be Beyonce. And so that’s the whole thing. She knew that she was going to be it. The world didn’t know and the world just has to catch up. So I think just continue to try and be the best version of yourself and don’t let minor setbacks get in the way or stop you from reaching that higher self or reaching your goals.

Nick McGowan (41:01.41)

What a beautiful way to put that. And I’m glad that you brought back the Beyonce thing, because there was a few things that we talked about on the first iteration, so I’m glad you brought that back. And there’s a lot to it of showing yourself grace, being able to just take those first steps, and to get to a little bit of a macro level before we wrap this thing up. There’s also working through your own personality, your personality type, and the traumas that you’ve had in life, because those things will stop you, and there are reasons why you’re blocked.

Kadeem A Fyffe (41:02.838)

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (41:16.738)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (41:24.332)

Right.

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (41:31.584)

you’re not broken, you just may be blocked from certain things. And some of that may be, well, I don’t think that I can succeed because I’m afraid of success. Or, uh, how somebody has told me about something before. There’s a lot of shit that goes into that. So for everybody that’s listening to the episode, I want you to understand that it’s not just about the purpose that you feel is this grandiose idea, but it’s about you leaning into the thing that feels right for you to do, and keep walking on that path, and understanding more about yourself,

Kadeem A Fyffe (41:35.167)

Mm-hmm.

Kadeem A Fyffe (41:39.838)

Oof. That is deep.

Kadeem A Fyffe (41:52.599)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (42:01.264)

a bit about your background, just like with Kadeem. Now Kadeem, I appreciate you being on the show again. And for all the time that we’ve been able to spend together having conversations, I really appreciate you being here. Before I let you go, where can people find you? Where can they connect with you? Where can they either buy the dress from you or get that book?

Kadeem A Fyffe (42:07.189)

Yeah.

Kadeem A Fyffe (42:20.626)

Absolutely, yeah. Thank you so much, Nick. I’m so happy that we were able to have this conversation and I really love all the stuff that we touched on and it’s just, you know, I’m really happy that I got to do this. So yeah, as we wrap up. So again, my name is Kadeem Alfonso Fife. You can find me on social media. My Instagram is K underscore A L P

Kadeem A Fyffe (42:48.56)

has my LinkedIn, has links to some collections and collaborations that I’ve done. And again, the book, Threading the Needle, A Fashion Designer’s Guide to Successfully Launching Your First Collection is available as an ebook, paperback, and audiobook on Amazon, but then also everywhere books are sold online. So if you type in my name, you can find me. And if you type in the books, if you type in that title, you can definitely find it online. So I’m super excited to just keep growing and continuing to connect

with other people.

Nick McGowan (43:21.214)

Awesome. Again, thank you so much for your time, man. It’s been a pleasure.

Kadeem A Fyffe (43:24.422)

Awesome. Thank you so much.