00:00:08:08 – 00:00:27:17

Nick McGowan

Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, the lives that we lead on our path to self-mastery. So let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin.

00:00:30:17 – 00:00:32:08

Nick McGowan

Hey, Lia, welcome to the show. How are you doing?

00:00:32:16 – 00:00:33:17

Lia Bliss

Good, good. How are you doing?

00:00:34:01 – 00:00:49:11

Nick McGowan

I’m great. Glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re on the show. And Noah will shoot the show a little bit before we hit record. And I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of stuff that we’re going to get into, so let’s get the party started. So why don’t you tell us what you do for a living? And one thing that most people don’t know about you.

00:00:50:09 – 00:01:12:19

Lia Bliss

Sure. So, Leah Bliss. Right. A lot of people tell me how great my last name is. So now I work for a company called Bliss Point, which makes I mean, you can’t not use the last name. So I work for a company and I hit this very fun intersection of like mindset mastery when it comes to sales technologies online.

00:01:12:19 – 00:01:32:13

Lia Bliss

So I teach salespeople how to use LinkedIn. So that is, yeah, I know it sounds boring, but I get really nerdy about it. And then one thing people don’t know about me, it’s always a shock to my friends when they find out that I studied opera performance in college.

00:01:32:22 – 00:01:33:09

Nick McGowan

Okay.

00:01:34:06 – 00:01:35:15

Lia Bliss

It’s shocking to most people.

00:01:36:02 – 00:01:44:10

Nick McGowan

Yeah, and I barely know you. So why don’t you go ahead and just share? How did you get into that? Why did you get out of it? Are you an opera singer? So many questions.

00:01:44:15 – 00:02:09:19

Lia Bliss

So many things. No. So I grew up in a really small town in Utah, and there was nothing else to do. And my mom was like, Hey, you’re pretty good singer. Like, you sing in choir, we should get you opera lessons. And I was like, okay. And then I just was really good at it. And I was really the kind of person back then who didn’t know how to set goals and didn’t have really good goals.

00:02:09:19 – 00:02:34:11

Lia Bliss

I spent probably way too much of my life just like floating, and that was kind of a direction that worked out, went to university for it. I had absolutely no like self sense of like self preservation in college, so I immediately just stopped going to class because I was like, Whew, I can do whatever I want. And so, yeah.

00:02:34:11 – 00:02:41:05

Lia Bliss

So I obviously dropped out of college pretty quick, but the time that I was there, I was studying opera, so that was fun.

00:02:42:04 – 00:02:48:05

Nick McGowan

So were you actually studying or was it more or less figuring out how to make new drinks with plastic bottled alcohol?

00:02:48:22 – 00:03:15:07

Lia Bliss

I, you know, less of that. I didn’t really start drinking heavily until after I had my kid, which was like 25. So I didn’t start partying that way until way past. So yeah. 25. So no, it was more of like because I grew up really like really, really sheltered. We weren’t allowed, you know, crazy curfews, super strict dress code.

00:03:15:14 – 00:03:23:03

Lia Bliss

So it was more just about the boys. I just got to be out of the house and kind of I was like, Oh, oh.

00:03:23:18 – 00:03:24:15

Nick McGowan

Oh.

00:03:25:03 – 00:03:29:12

Lia Bliss

This is going to be fine. And then never went in class again.

00:03:30:19 – 00:03:33:07

Nick McGowan

Fair enough. And you said you have a kid, so.

00:03:33:16 – 00:03:36:01

Lia Bliss

I have the kid. Weird. Weird that like.

00:03:36:02 – 00:03:37:07

Nick McGowan

She got a gift that all that.

00:03:37:08 – 00:03:42:11

Lia Bliss

Being a sexual deviant for so many years causes you to get knocked up at least once.

00:03:42:19 – 00:03:45:06

Nick McGowan

Yeah, I guess that’s how that works. You know.

00:03:45:15 – 00:03:47:11

Lia Bliss

I think it’s the law statistics.

00:03:48:00 – 00:04:12:01

Nick McGowan

Yeah, exactly. Well, so being being in school, to go to go into opera or anything of the sort, it kind of seems like a side note to your just floating through life where I think a lot of people early on in life just kind of float through there are those kids that are in school that are like, you know, when I grow up, I want to be this thing and I’m going to do this.

00:04:12:06 – 00:04:17:09

Nick McGowan

And then there are the ones that are like, I’m going to play football for the rest of my life. And that’s all they do.

00:04:17:09 – 00:04:20:08

Lia Bliss

Oh my god, I fucking data that dude now.

00:04:20:16 – 00:04:29:05

Nick McGowan

Or the people that are like, yeah. Or the people that are like, well, my parents are doctors or my parents do this thing and I’m going to go do that same thing.

00:04:29:11 – 00:04:31:16

Lia Bliss

Yes. And I was the opposite.

00:04:31:16 – 00:04:42:06

Nick McGowan

And there are still those people that don’t know what the fuck to do because they’re like later on in life where they go, Oh, shit, I spent all this money to go to college to become a doctor, and I don’t want to do it.

00:04:42:09 – 00:04:44:04

Lia Bliss

And I hate being a doctor.

00:04:44:07 – 00:04:46:14

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And they spent all that time.

00:04:46:14 – 00:05:11:22

Lia Bliss

I think I think there’s two camps there. I think on the one hand, you’ve got people that are like, fuck the system, I don’t need to choose. And they’re just kind of like a rebel without a cause kind of thing. And then on the other hand, you’ve got the super pleasers that are like, Well, I know that I need to go to college, that I need to do this, and they have this like lifetime checklist that was written by someone else that they just feel like incredibly motivated to fill out.

00:05:12:19 – 00:05:17:14

Lia Bliss

So I was definitely in the first half of those people without a cause.

00:05:18:07 – 00:05:37:02

Nick McGowan

Well, when you look back at that and you can see the two different camps, I think we can also see why we do that, because we’re looking for that sense of meaning. We’re looking for something. And even the people, because I was of that same camp when I was younger where I was like, Oh, fuck it, fuck you people, fuck that guy, fuck that person.

00:05:37:03 – 00:05:38:00

Nick McGowan

I love these people.

00:05:38:03 – 00:05:39:16

Lia Bliss

You’re all right. Fuck you.

00:05:39:19 – 00:06:01:17

Nick McGowan

Because I was hurt. Yeah, fuck you. I’m out. I got sort of deal. I mean, there were there are pieces of it of, like, the school that mattered because I mattered to those situations and those things like art and music, etc.. But for the most part, I think a lot of kids and even people that are in their twenties that are still trying to figure out the fuck they want to do.

00:06:01:17 – 00:06:19:06

Nick McGowan

I’ve got friends in their thirties and their late thirties are like, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. And some of them are super successful where they’re still trying to figure it out. So how are you managing your mindset now, thinking that all that stuff that you went through and not fucking dragging yourself back and go, Man, I was aimless for years.

00:06:19:06 – 00:06:20:18

Nick McGowan

Like, how do you manage your mindset right now?

00:06:21:09 – 00:06:49:03

Lia Bliss

Yeah, that’s rough because I often think back because now like I have a kid, I have a job, and even if we rewind like five years ago I was like working two jobs, moonlighting at a strip club as a waitress, like, had a kid, all these things. And it in that moment when I was just like in the grind, I would think back to before I had kid, before I had to do all this.

00:06:49:03 – 00:07:26:11

Lia Bliss

I was like, What the fuck did I do all the time? And you can’t help. But yeah, I get into this mindset of being like, Wow, I squandered my youth. I have wasted all my time. But I think the biggest thing that helped me was this sense of like, well, everything is your fault for one, like, and once you can kind of get around that, like radical honesty and just a sense of like ownership, okay, everything in my life, I made a choice to write.

00:07:26:11 – 00:07:59:18

Lia Bliss

You think about that movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, right? George Bailey. And it’s like, Oh, cool. Every decision that you made brought you to this point. You didn’t just wake up one day and oops, I tripped and fell into this terrible lifestyle. Poor me. It’s like, Oh man, I’ve made every decision up to this point. But if you can take radical accountability for those choices and get really, really honest with yourself, you can say, Yeah, I made these choices, but now I have the option to make a different choice.

00:08:00:03 – 00:08:08:15

Lia Bliss

And in the same way that I’ve put myself in this place, I can make a series of decisions, small daily decisions, to get myself to a different place.

00:08:09:14 – 00:08:24:22

Nick McGowan

Think of the succinct awareness that you just put out there, and that makes total fucking sense. Like you and I are on the same page with that, but for somebody in that shitty spot to go hold up a second, maybe if I become aware of my problems and I do something different with it, and then I incrementally focus on these things, I can change things.

00:08:25:04 – 00:08:28:07

Nick McGowan

That’s a fucking ton to ask somebody that’s in that situation.

00:08:28:12 – 00:08:36:02

Lia Bliss

Yes. Yes, it is. Because. Yeah, it’s it’s like, what’s the phrase boil the ocean? You’re like, how? How am I supposed to do that?

00:08:36:06 – 00:08:38:12

Nick McGowan

Yeah, it’s too big and daunting. It feels.

00:08:38:22 – 00:09:05:08

Lia Bliss

Yes, it is daunting. But but I also think that we actually can’t see that far ahead. Like you can only see about the next three years of your life in your imagination. And so, like, you’re not going to take yourself from whatever shithole you’re in right now to, you know, climbing Everest or, you know, living in the Middle East with big billionaires poolside and tigers on a gold leash.

00:09:05:08 – 00:09:31:14

Lia Bliss

Right. All that bullshit. That’s not a three year jump. That’s like maybe a ten year jump. But you can’t you you’re limited by your scope of the imagination. And so all you have to do is imagine yourself like 1% better and then make the incremental changes to get there because and then what’s 1% better than that? Okay, cool.

00:09:31:14 – 00:09:41:02

Lia Bliss

Maybe if I don’t go negative on my bank account this month like there’s a win. Cool, right? If I don’t have to pay any overdraft fees this month, I remember that was my reality.

00:09:41:09 – 00:09:48:16

Nick McGowan

Oh, man. Yeah. How many times you get hit? You’re like another 35 fucking dollars. Like I have no money. Stop taking money. Give me money.

00:09:49:02 – 00:10:23:19

Lia Bliss

Perpetuating the issue. I remember when I was working at the bar, I. I don’t even know why I had to borrow $1,000 from my ten years younger sister, which talk about a hit to the ego like, oof, hey, I can’t pay my bills. Losses. Can you help a girl out? And then I had to pay that back in a certain a lot of time and just literally every day like counting my ones like and then stashing them in a drawer, like some sort of weird drug dealer and then counting every day, like, okay, can I get $2,000?

00:10:23:19 – 00:10:31:00

Lia Bliss

Can I get $2,000? How am I going to get there? It’s like, well, one $1 at a time is how you get there.

00:10:31:06 – 00:10:58:17

Nick McGowan

It’s like one step at a time, just like 1% at a time. That’s a difficult pill for people to swallow, especially when when they’re in that feeling that I think you and I both experienced. And I’m sure there are many, many listeners that experience the same shit where they’re like, Man, I squandered time, I squandered life, I squandered this whole period of time in a relationship with this whole period of time in a business of this whole period of time throughout fucking school or college or whatever.

00:10:59:03 – 00:11:17:08

Nick McGowan

I think for the most part, we want to just beat ourselves up a little bit about that because we don’t know what the actual meaning was. We’re not sure what that lesson was from it, because when you look back and you see the lesson you go through, and if I hadn’t gone through that, I’d probably in a worse spot.

00:11:18:03 – 00:11:26:01

Nick McGowan

Yeah. So was there a moment when you can look back and go, Jeez, that was one of those moments that really changed me. And I kind of pivoted.

00:11:26:17 – 00:11:43:00

Lia Bliss

If you ask my dad who I work with, he says that it’s that it’s like this weird, intangible moment. He could tell you the like day of demarcation that I turn around and make my life different. I have no memory of this time. I don’t know what happened, but.

00:11:43:07 – 00:11:44:16

Nick McGowan

All right, let’s get your dad worst yet.

00:11:44:17 – 00:12:06:04

Lia Bliss

No, I know. Where is he? But honestly, when I started making changes was when. So I went to hair school because I got married super young and it was really terrible. And I was like, I don’t have any skills. I don’t have anything going for me. I’m going to hair school. So I was like 20 in hair school, right?

00:12:06:05 – 00:12:25:14

Lia Bliss

That kid and a girlfriend of mine who I went to Hair School with, she ended up doing hair for a long time and then one day I’m getting my hair done. She’s like, I’m going to go back to school and become a computer programmer. And I was like, That’s a terrible idea. Why in God’s name would you do that?

00:12:25:14 – 00:12:48:03

Lia Bliss

That sounds awful. Jesus, it’s like, and who’s going to do my hair? I hate you. But it got me thinking because she had just gone through a divorce. So maybe it wasn’t even my low moment. It was, like, reflective of somebody else. She’d just gotten divorced. She was changing careers because she wanted to have something long term right for a1k retirement benefits packages, all these things.

00:12:48:14 – 00:13:17:22

Lia Bliss

And then it caused me to pause and look around and be like, Yeah, what am I doing for the rest of my life? How am I going to retire? How am I going to keep like I can’t keep living this way? And I saw myself in 20, 30 years still wishing and hoping that I don’t have negative in my bank account and thinking how awful that was going to feel and then decided, okay, let’s, let’s do something else.

00:13:18:14 – 00:13:45:09

Lia Bliss

And then just and it was not an overnight thing. It probably took me two or three more years before I got to the point where I am now. But this, like, I don’t know, existential crisis, this haunting future self, my future self. Ray Ghost of Christmas future came to haunt me and was like, This is how you’re going to end up and it’s going to suck because it sucks now and nothing’s going to change.

00:13:45:09 – 00:14:13:21

Nick McGowan

I, I wish I could say that everybody that has that thought acts on it and that they do something with it. But I don’t think that’s fucking true. I mean, the diner lady keeps coming into mind and anybody that listens to this, if you work in a diner, I love you. But this, this isn’t for you specifically. It’s that lady that has been there for 50 plus years and just bitches and complains about the same thing over and over.

00:14:14:07 – 00:14:24:21

Lia Bliss

All day long. Every day. Yeah. Well, I always say you can’t complain about things you do to yourself that if nothing else, take that you can’t complain about things you do to yourself.

00:14:25:07 – 00:14:29:18

Nick McGowan

So 90% of complaints just cease to exist at that point. Yes.

00:14:31:06 – 00:14:33:20

Lia Bliss

Everything is your fault and you can’t complain about it.

00:14:34:12 – 00:14:53:01

Nick McGowan

That’s an interesting point about everything’s your fault because you said that a couple of times now. So I run a men’s group on Facebook. It’s like 15,000 men. So I always expect to get crazy fucking answers from some of these people when I post a question. And one of the questions I posted recently was, Do you feel that things happen to us or for us?

00:14:53:07 – 00:14:59:08

Nick McGowan

I got a wild amount of answers, but what do you think? Do you think things happened to or for us?

00:14:59:14 – 00:15:21:05

Lia Bliss

I think for I am one of those people that thinks that the universe is always conspiring in my favor. And maybe it I was born with like an elevated or superhero level of like self-importance. But I think, like I would I operate through the world that way. Like I am the main character, I am the star. Everything is happening for me.

00:15:21:05 – 00:15:47:07

Lia Bliss

But it’s that’s such an interesting idea because the people who think and this is the Church of Leah speaking, the people who think that life happens to us are people who are complacent and people who think life happens for us are people who are curious. And as soon as you can get curious and ask yourself not Why did that happen to me?

00:15:47:14 – 00:16:08:11

Lia Bliss

But what about this is about to benefit me, even if it’s something terrible. Where’s the adventure in this? Go find out. Like if you’re in a choose your own adventure story, figure out why this weird plot twist happened and how that’s going to push your character development and the storyline forward.

00:16:09:15 – 00:16:15:00

Nick McGowan

And so think people it’s an RPG. That’s what this is. It’s all this is.

00:16:15:14 – 00:16:19:23

Lia Bliss

That’s I mean, what else is it? What else is it?

00:16:19:23 – 00:16:46:18

Nick McGowan

Yeah, great point. We sometimes get lost in just the day to day and get caught up in the bullshit and bitch complain all of that because the people around us and those things. But if we pull out from that and look then it really is a mindset shift of you’re right, those people that are complacent where they go now this thing happened to me and that’s a whole like a pointed kind of aspect where if something happens for you, you get to be able to take that.

00:16:47:01 – 00:17:08:22

Nick McGowan

You’re actually the second person that has brought up the church of your self over the first 37 episodes so far. So I appreciate that you brought that up because I think it’s an interesting point that we we are all our own focal point. And sometimes we forget that there are some people that are complete narcissists that never forget that.

00:17:08:22 – 00:17:30:22

Nick McGowan

And there’s a balance, you know, there’s a balance where you’ve got to kind of love on and other people know, but you need to kind of love on yourself too. So when you saw that whole sort of future version of you come in from somebody else’s story, that’s a beautiful thing because a lot of people have a hard time actually taking somebody’s story where they go, Yeah, I got to figure this out on my own.

00:17:30:22 – 00:17:47:14

Nick McGowan

Like, I need to go break my legs to figure out that, Oh, you can’t do that thing. But you actually took that and spun it and then started to make the changes. So tell us a bit about what the next two years, three years like looking back on that now, what did that look like? Like what were some of those changes you made?

00:17:47:14 – 00:17:50:20

Lia Bliss

So one of those things was the patience to let it happen.

00:17:51:02 – 00:17:54:03

Nick McGowan

Patience is a four letter word it’s worth.

00:17:54:03 – 00:18:12:00

Lia Bliss

And I got this girlfriend. And I think in retrospect, this is kind of my mindset. She came to me and was like, Hey, Leah, I just started this, like, mindset coaching business. You know, I really feel like this is my calling. I really feel super aligned in it, and I’m just really discouraged because I just don’t feel like I’m being successful.

00:18:12:00 – 00:18:33:19

Lia Bliss

And I was like, Okay, well, tell me about it. She’s like, Well, I’ve been doing it for six weeks and I just yeah, I fell over and I wanted to just slapper, but we were actually in person and that probably would have been inappropriate. But it’s like, bitch, six weeks, give me six years. Like, no, no one will find success in the first six weeks.

00:18:33:21 – 00:18:56:06

Lia Bliss

Not a single soul. But for me it it was a matter I believe you have. You can’t do it alone. You have to hire someone in every single thing that I do. I have a fitness trainer that I pay. I have a financial advisor that I pay. You can’t get to big goals unless you hire someone who’s been there and is willing to coach you through the rough moments.

00:18:56:20 – 00:19:20:05

Lia Bliss

So I hired a mindset coach and at the time I thought I was going to have like this. I was going to do like one on one mindset coaching and I was going to help like women who had been through trauma. And I’d had this all built up in my mind. And so I went through the coaching with her and that started it was a three month program that I started October of 2019.

00:19:21:10 – 00:19:50:01

Lia Bliss

And so October, November, December, great. I started putting out a ton of content online. I was making videos, I was doing all of these things while simultaneously still working two jobs and being a parent. This wasn’t like I quit all my jobs and everything magically aligned. No, I was working like 60 hours a week plus trying to side hustle my own company and then hooray the pandemic.

00:19:50:14 – 00:20:08:18

Lia Bliss

Hooray! But what was interesting is that I had so I could I was working at them all the time can work at the mall, couldn’t work at the bar. Those things had closed. All of a sudden I was at home with the one thing that I kept telling myself that I wanted more of of only had more time.

00:20:09:04 – 00:20:30:23

Lia Bliss

Only had more time. Well, guess what? That’s you got all the time in the world sat around and for three months I made videos every single day, uploaded these, like six minute YouTube videos, just about mindset stuff. And it was dinky. And I look back in the cringe, the cringes so bad, I look at those videos and like, that’s embarrassing.

00:20:30:23 – 00:21:07:15

Lia Bliss

Never, never should you have ever done that, weirdo? But I got a phone call about three months into it and somebody in my life had seen those videos and more importantly, had seen the consistency that I was bringing to it and said, Hey, this person’s got a a soft skill that I think we can use. And so through kind of the telephone game, I get a call from my dad who had just started his own company after battling his own mindset demons for 50 years.

00:21:08:15 – 00:21:31:22

Lia Bliss

And he said, Hey, so it’s a, it’s I don’t know what’s more embarrassing that I’m going to ask you this or that. I didn’t think to ask you before, but I need you to come and work for me because I’m overwhelmed with work. And I’m not going to ask any of your other four sisters because it’s a very specific skill set that I need you to have that you have.

00:21:32:10 – 00:22:00:06

Lia Bliss

Can you come do this for me? And it was like maybe 5 hours a week. It’s nothing crazy, but it’s a big risk. Help you old dad out. It’s like, okay, sure, I’ll do that. And I said yes to something that I it wasn’t necessarily aligned with what I thought I wanted out of my life. But I think the best way to go about it is to kind of pick the things that you care about and then like, don’t give a shit about the things that you don’t care about.

00:22:00:06 – 00:22:32:19

Lia Bliss

Because at that point, all I wanted was a job where I could choose my own hours, work from home and be creative. And that was it for the requirements. And so that was served to me on a silver platter by the universe because I’m the main character. I got it. And then all of the other things, like I had to study the data from the LinkedIn Algorithm Research Report every year, talk about some dry ass reading turbo, but yada yada yada.

00:22:32:19 – 00:22:48:18

Lia Bliss

You work hard, you keep inserting yourself that whole lean in thing. Did some of that and now my life is great. I work like 30 hours a week. I make shit ton of money and I sit at home and get on podcasts.

00:22:48:18 – 00:23:07:12

Nick McGowan

What a beautiful thing. Yeah, that the the biggest nugget that I got out of what you had said was the being able to allow yourself to just keep moving and pivot on things. Because some people do the things that you do where they’re like, All right, I signed up for this thing. I’m going to do this thing, going to do this course.

00:23:07:12 – 00:23:30:14

Nick McGowan

They’re going to teach me how to do this. I’m going to get out of this. I’m going to do this thing. I’m going to do all this shit. And they go, I’ve done all these things. Why the fuck don’t I see any success in some of that? A couple of months in some of that might be a couple years depending on the person, but some of that is really on you to then go for what opportunities are being shown to me because some of them just may not be fully visible to you.

00:23:30:17 – 00:24:09:21

Lia Bliss

Right? Right. It doesn’t have to be like the exact thing or nothing else. It can be 80%. I like to think of it like if you have your goal in the distance and it’s kind of a loose goal, like I want to generally be happy, make a bunch of money, maybe travel, like whatever that is to you, like figure out what that is and then just start moving towards it in any means necessary, making sure that the, the opportunities that you’re taking are leading you closer to that, even if it’s not a direct path, it’s in the general direction of your goals.

00:24:09:21 – 00:24:11:00

Lia Bliss

That’s still good.

00:24:11:12 – 00:24:36:12

Nick McGowan

Yeah, I think there are people that that need to plan and that’s like their jam in life. Then there are other people that hate it. They don’t want to plan at all. But I think this can still work for both sets of people because just moving, continuously moving and seeking the next thing. I mean, if you really think about the iterations you have throughout the day, just in what you’re doing, even if you go, Huh, well, I need to change this differently.

00:24:36:20 – 00:24:47:14

Nick McGowan

We do it all day, every day, but sometimes we look at some of the bigger things and go, Oh, holy fuck, that’s such a giant project that I don’t wanna. And they just stop themselves.

00:24:48:08 – 00:24:50:14

Lia Bliss

Yeah, I’m immediately tired.

00:24:50:21 – 00:24:58:06

Nick McGowan

Yeah. So how do you, how do you get yourself through that and what sort of advice would you give somebody to be able to get themselves through that?

00:24:59:12 – 00:25:10:00

Lia Bliss

I think you have to take equal opportunity to look at the big picture and then put your head down. I think that if you are too much of either of those things, you get into trouble.

00:25:10:14 – 00:25:11:04

Nick McGowan

Balance.

00:25:11:15 – 00:25:35:05

Lia Bliss

Balance. Yeah, because if you are only looking at the big picture like I, I want to make $1,000,000 and then you just are like, how, where do I start? And that’s all you can focus on. That’s going to be too hard. But if you keep your head down and you just are grinding, grinding, grinding and never look up, you may have accidentally slow walked yourself right off your path.

00:25:35:05 – 00:25:58:14

Lia Bliss

And so, I mean, like you said in the day to day, like in my today, I, I know kind of what the overall goal for the company is, but then I have daily tasks. Okay, what do I need to get done today that’s going to get me closer to the goal and how to figure that out. I mean, there’s the whole Jerry Seinfeld effect that I love.

00:25:58:18 – 00:25:59:21

Lia Bliss

I don’t know if you’ve heard of that. Right.

00:26:00:00 – 00:26:00:20

Nick McGowan

The joke a day.

00:26:01:01 – 00:26:22:13

Lia Bliss

Yeah, well, yeah. Just one a day. As long as you are doing it, you don’t break, then you’re only. So for those that don’t know, Jerry Seinfeld has a goal of writing every single day. You got to write at least one joke a day. And once he’s done that, he crosses it off on his calendar. And then it’s not so much that, Oh, I have to write today.

00:26:22:13 – 00:26:46:13

Lia Bliss

It’s my only goal is to not break the chain. I’ve done it every single day up until now, and I’m not going to let myself break the chain and so I think that success begets momentum. Like you might feel motivated, but then you have to actually have a small nugget of success for you to be motivated to keep going to the next part.

00:26:47:12 – 00:26:58:03

Lia Bliss

And so finding like reasons to celebrate, hey, look, I wrote down my to do list, right to do list, check you to do list.

00:26:59:18 – 00:27:03:13

Nick McGowan

But yeah, that’s a very good point. Have you read the book Atomic Habits?

00:27:04:03 – 00:27:08:22

Lia Bliss

Yes, many times. Yeah. I love that. Power of habit, atomic habits.

00:27:10:01 – 00:27:31:05

Nick McGowan

I just wrapped that up this weekend and I think it was maybe one of the final chapters that he brought up Jerry Seinfeld thing. And I’ve known of that thing for years, but yeah, don’t break the chain. I thought about Jerry being, you know, 40, 50 years into this chain where he can’t break that chain anymore. That’s just like you wake up, you go to the bathroom.

00:27:31:05 – 00:27:36:12

Nick McGowan

That’s how this life works. He makes a joke every day, and he got himself into that rhythm of it.

00:27:37:04 – 00:27:55:15

Lia Bliss

Yeah, and that’s the success. Like, there are, you know, plenty of time. There’s plenty there’s no time and there’s plenty of time because you you can’t start your dreams tomorrow. That’s just stupid. But you’ve got a ton of time today to make one small step towards it.

00:27:56:07 – 00:28:16:03

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And to be okay with that small step and to actually look at those little, little wins as celebrations like you had said, even, you know, writing out to do list, I made my to do list. If that’s a win for somebody. Yeah, be excited about it. I think some people feel weird about that shit and they’re like, Nah, that’s not good enough.

00:28:16:14 – 00:28:26:14

Nick McGowan

Like, if it’s not good enough, then do something else. But if it’s good enough, then be okay with it and allow that to be the thing that moves you along. And I think some of that.

00:28:26:14 – 00:28:27:20

Lia Bliss

Progress over perfection.

00:28:28:04 – 00:28:44:04

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And some of that might come from not even some of it. I think most all of it comes from our childhood trauma, the shit that we’ve been through as kids, to be able to set us up for that and set us up not in the best way to be able to set us up, to be able to go, well, fuck, that’s not good enough.

00:28:44:04 – 00:29:04:13

Nick McGowan

Because when I was six, my dad told me this wasn’t good enough and it stuck with me. So it’s like getting yourself out of that and I know you’ve got a younger kids, so how do you treat your child differently then, you know, knowing what you went through when you were younger and who you were, how do you kind of parent your kid now with that mindset?

00:29:05:05 – 00:29:09:14

Lia Bliss

Oh, that’s a definitely a question to ask, but.

00:29:09:16 – 00:29:10:21

Nick McGowan

It’s not a good or bad one.

00:29:11:07 – 00:29:37:01

Lia Bliss

Think it is a neutral? That’s a question. That’s a question. So for me, I really struggled with this self-identity. Like for some reason, unknown to me, I self-identified as like a loser, slacker party girl, like really early in my life, like young, young middle school age, even though I was literally none of those things and never have done really.

00:29:37:01 – 00:30:01:11

Lia Bliss

But I identified that way. So I just assumed I was always going to fail. So when I look at my son, I think a big part of the difference in parenting that I see is that I allow him like my biggest thing is I’m not going to allow him to feel his feelings. Right? There is none of this like suck it up, be a man even though I want to like the world is hard.

00:30:01:17 – 00:30:26:19

Lia Bliss

Like, toughen up, bro, but it’s just I’m going to allow you like, hey, are you are you sad? Are you mad? Great. Go be mad. But we have one rule. It’s that you can be mad, but you can’t be mean. And that includes to yourself because I don’t know where he picked up the self-deprecating habits. He’d be like, Yeah, I saw like, I’m terrible.

00:30:26:19 – 00:30:50:08

Lia Bliss

I’m a loser. It’s like, Whoa, you’re eight. You can’t have that kind of internal dialog, man. And I’ll tell him, you can’t talk about my kid like that. And I’ll yell at him, You can’t talk about my kid. He’s like it. But I am. It’s me. I am your kid, Woody. And it’s like, No, I don’t care. You don’t get to be mean to somebody I care about, even if that person that I care about is yourself.

00:30:51:04 – 00:30:53:16

Nick McGowan

Wow, that’s awesome.

00:30:54:02 – 00:30:56:03

Lia Bliss

So you can be mad. It can be mean.

00:30:57:00 – 00:31:20:16

Nick McGowan

Yeah, I really like that. You’re yelling at the the bad version that’s coming out, that’s talking shit because you can’t really be like, well, you see that just the some bad thoughts that we need to get through because he’s in a spot where he’s learning and growing. Yeah, exactly. But that you can personify it and be like, no, I’m yelling at that, that thing.

00:31:20:16 – 00:31:23:15

Nick McGowan

That’s not you. Because at your core that’s not you.

00:31:24:10 – 00:31:36:14

Lia Bliss

Right? And then maybe I’ll give him schizophrenia later. I don’t know. Like we’re all trying to fuck up our kids at some point, but whatever, we just watched Moon Night, so now that’s in my head. I’m like, Oh, now.

00:31:37:08 – 00:31:58:07

Nick McGowan

Oh, no, that’s funny. Well, it’s funny you say we all trying to fuck up our kids in some ways. Growing up, I thought that my parents were actively doing what they could to fuck with me. There were moments where I thought about that and I was like, You guys are just being assholes. Like, What is fucking wrong with you?

00:31:58:07 – 00:32:16:17

Nick McGowan

And then when I got older, I remember having conversations with both parents separately because they were never together. I was basically, you know, they were at a party one night. About a year later, Dad found out like, Hey, you got a three month old. This wandered around. He kind of looks like you. So they yeah, they had that whole situation.

00:32:17:09 – 00:32:33:09

Nick McGowan

But I, I learned from having conversations with my parents separately in my late twenties, early thirties, that they were just trying to figure themselves out, like they had no idea, never trying to do the best they can. But you can’t figure that out and think about that in your later life. Go, Oh yeah, you know, you’re just trying to be a fucking adult.

00:32:33:09 – 00:32:34:06

Nick McGowan

I know. Now.

00:32:34:19 – 00:32:53:02

Lia Bliss

Got it. Yes. I think that’s the moment you become a grown up, the moment that you realize that your parents are just other adults and you as an adult can agree and or disagree with their decision making. That’s when you’re like, Oh, I’m here now, here’s this is adulthood. Welcome.

00:32:53:17 – 00:33:03:06

Nick McGowan

And there’s some people that are 40, 50 years old and still not adults then because they still look to their parents for certain things. That’s an interesting way to be able to put it.

00:33:04:10 – 00:33:22:05

Lia Bliss

That’s my ex for sure. He, his mom, God, the things that he would tell me that she did that I’m like, I get why your sister disowned her. And he’s like, Well, no, no. Like, Oh, hey, man, you can make a different choice.

00:33:22:05 – 00:33:36:19

Nick McGowan

Yeah, it takes a decision. Takes a decision. But as you said, with with that person that helped you make a decision, you’re able to look through them and into their situation to then make that decision. But you got to be responsible yourself, right?

00:33:37:21 – 00:34:01:01

Lia Bliss

Absolutely right. I mean, we can hold up all kinds of mirrors and you can get advice and you can listen to amazing podcasts. But unless you completely internalize it like you’re just pretending, I just I don’t get that you’re pretending to be bettering your life. You’re, like going through the motions, but you’re half assing self-improvement.

00:34:01:01 – 00:34:21:17

Nick McGowan

I don’t know if everybody goes through that, but I want to say most people do, because I think over the first couple of years of like learning, you’re unsure and you’re still like, but I still feel like a shitty human or I still feel like I want to do these things or whatever. And I think we all still kind of battle stuff and work through addictions and everything else that happens.

00:34:22:06 – 00:34:37:16

Nick McGowan

But you’re right, like you got to put it in action. So on that note, what sort of deep work are you doing right now and how do you actually take those actions? Like what sort of advice do you give to somebody that you’re like, Look, on The Daily, this is kind of what I work through to be able to benefit myself these ways.

00:34:39:06 – 00:35:07:13

Lia Bliss

I think journaling is the number one thing. I get that from my dad. He kept a journal for like the past 30 years and there’s a billion zillion journaling techniques, but just to understand that, like to get something out of your body, you got a journal it and then you have to fill back up. And I’ve become really sensitive to what kind of media like social media, movies, books, everything that I consume.

00:35:08:18 – 00:35:20:01

Lia Bliss

And so it’s okay, what are you getting out of your body? And then what are you putting back in? Because that saying a diet doesn’t just come down to the food you eat comes down to things that you listen to, things that you participate in.

00:35:20:21 – 00:35:22:22

Nick McGowan

Hmm.

00:35:22:22 – 00:35:54:08

Lia Bliss

So yeah, it’s less about I mean, I could say, like, and then I meditate for an hour a day and then I go on a walk and then I do. No, don’t you don’t lie. I tried that once. I put myself through 30 days of like doing all of the the it girl right. I’m, I’m the I’m going to do all the things wake up at 5 a.m. and drink my lemon water and an hour of meditation and it you spend more time like worrying about doing the things than you do reaping benefits from the things.

00:35:55:20 – 00:36:30:05

Lia Bliss

So journal every day don’t take in garbage mentally, physically, emotionally. And then check. I would say check your inner circle. There’s nothing that helps me more than my friends. And I get to proudly say that I have ten close best friend women and I’m in my thirties. Like I’m basically Jesus who nobody does that best that they say that was Jesus as real miracle is having 12 close personal friends in his thirties.

00:36:30:10 – 00:36:34:07

Nick McGowan

Yeah, one was a douchebag, but you know, whatever. He opened other things up.

00:36:35:07 – 00:36:56:03

Lia Bliss

Yeah, but yeah, I have ten close, like way close female friendships and I get to talk to them. I mean I talked to at least one of them every day we spend time together. But there was there was a experience we had a couple of weeks ago where there was like a new girl that came to hang out with us.

00:36:56:08 – 00:37:21:07

Lia Bliss

We were doing crafts, one of my friends, a professional crafter, so we’re doing crafts. And her professional craft studio is very fun and girly, and this new girl was there and was just so blown away by how independently successful and impressive each of the people in the room were. And it’s like, Yeah, when, when you’re in it, you don’t realize.

00:37:21:07 – 00:37:50:19

Lia Bliss

But when you come across a group of people who are all just winning, it gets intimidating. Until and when I first met them, I was intimidated. But then you realize that you attract what. You are so look around at the people that are around you. Are they are they saying that everything happens to them? Are they not taking accountability for their actions, like change up the people that you talk to every day because those people will fuck with your mindset more than anything else.

00:37:51:07 – 00:38:11:04

Nick McGowan

When they got big time and I have to have this conversation more than I want to, but those five people do count for your family. Your family fucking counts your colleagues at work. They count. And some people forget about that because they’re like, Oh, no, no. It’s just, you know, my friends that I maybe talk to once a week, like, well, what about everybody else?

00:38:11:04 – 00:38:14:12

Nick McGowan

They’re like, Oh, well, there’s my wife and there’s my in-laws.

00:38:15:02 – 00:38:18:12

Lia Bliss

Yeah, yeah. Your wife would maybe matter.

00:38:19:09 – 00:38:27:00

Nick McGowan

And then there’s this fucking douchebag at work, and it’s like, Well, let’s talk about these things and why you think that person’s a douchebag and like, whatever, and going through that sort of stuff.

00:38:27:09 – 00:38:29:21

Lia Bliss

Who do you spend the literally the most time with?

00:38:31:14 – 00:38:48:21

Nick McGowan

I love to ask at the end of this, What’s that one piece of advice you’d give to somebody on their path towards self-mastery? And it sounds like that’s it if there’s something else you want to add. But I feel like that’s it. Like it’s the, the some of the people you’re with and we’ve heard this so many times, but fucking get it people, the people you connect with.

00:38:49:06 – 00:38:53:01

Lia Bliss

Yeah. Check your friends. Yeah. Take accountability for your own actions.

00:38:53:09 – 00:38:58:14

Nick McGowan

And your friends don’t mean you’re Facebook friends because not all of them are real now.

00:38:58:14 – 00:39:20:07

Lia Bliss

Well, write a list. It’s like take I honestly the one single piece of takeaway that I wish everyone would do is track things. Track where your time goes. Do you know where you’re wasting time? Track who you spend the most time with? Do you even know? Track what you’re spending your money on? I bet you you didn’t remember that subscription that you forgot to cancel if you can track more things in your life.

00:39:20:07 – 00:39:34:16

Lia Bliss

If I’ve learned nothing from this weird, random kind of bullshit job that I have, it’s that data drives everything. And if you aren’t like trying to calculate data on your own self to make adjustments based on the data, you’re doing it wrong.

00:39:35:06 – 00:39:38:07

Nick McGowan

Hmm. How would you suggest somebody go about that to at least start.

00:39:38:21 – 00:40:03:09

Lia Bliss

Write it down? Right. I would first set timer every hour on the hour and then record what you’re doing. And even it’s going to be embarrassing because you’re going to be like, oh, tick tock, oh, tick tock, tick tock, shit. But start keeping track. Even if that’s just in your journal every morning, how do you feel when you wake up?

00:40:03:09 – 00:40:10:03

Lia Bliss

Track that, okay, where did I spend my day? Who am I with? Figure out the things that you want to change and then track those things.

00:40:10:16 – 00:40:26:23

Nick McGowan

And I think you gave that tangible step of journaling, being able to journal in the morning. There’s still a lot of people that have have a hard time journaling. I know I fought it for years, years, like I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to do it at all. I even blamed my my handwriting, all of that.

00:40:27:07 – 00:40:45:09

Nick McGowan

And it’s not the case. I mean, shit, I was journaling last night for like an hour, hour and a half. Also doing some prep for the week and the next half of the year. But I was looking and I was like, Man, my handwriting is not atrocious when I give a shit which is vastly different than I remember which and complaining because I don’t want to do it because I was afraid of doing the tracking.

00:40:45:20 – 00:40:59:15

Nick McGowan

So I’m glad that you bring that up because that is a that is kind of a superpower to be able to track but also manage your time, which is a big thing. And it starts with you doing something that has to do with you. Pen and paper or pencil and paper.

00:41:00:08 – 00:41:21:11

Lia Bliss

Yeah, yeah I track, I started tracking. I realized the power of it when I started doing bodybuilding competitions because I did track like my sleeping and my macros and everything and, and it started bleeding over into other parts. Then I started tracking my like my sleep score and on my Apple Watch and I started tracking like my water.

00:41:21:11 – 00:41:38:10

Lia Bliss

Then I started tracking my time because I needed to fit all this stupid bullshit into my schedule. And then I started tracking my relationships. And now I make I mean, I’m sorry for anyone that has to date me, but I make us sit down and do a three month check in. All right? We’ve been dating for three months.

00:41:38:10 – 00:41:47:13

Lia Bliss

Let’s do temp chess. Let’s just see where at. Let’s track our feelings. So sorry, honey.

00:41:47:13 – 00:41:51:17

Nick McGowan

That’s somebody now. Or future versions of people that are just like, oh, okay.

00:41:52:02 – 00:42:00:11

Lia Bliss

Yeah, yeah. Past, present, future. I’m about to hit the three month mark with this guy I’m dating, so I’m like, you’ve no idea what’s coming. I’m so.

00:42:00:11 – 00:42:07:01

Nick McGowan

Sorry. Well, this probably won’t air until sometime in August, maybe September. So if you listen to this, it’ll be post.

00:42:07:18 – 00:42:09:01

Lia Bliss

Will be done. Perfect.

00:42:09:12 – 00:42:23:16

Nick McGowan

Yeah, fair enough. Oh, man. What? Hey, it’s been a pleasure to have you on the show. I appreciate you being on again. I always like to wrap this up with what’s that one piece of advice, but you’d already kind of gone into that. Is there anything else that you want to share or leave our audience with?

00:42:24:05 – 00:42:27:00

Lia Bliss

Write it down. Just whatever it is, write it down.

00:42:27:18 – 00:42:31:23

Nick McGowan

I appreciate that. Cool. So tell us, where can people find you and connect with you?

00:42:32:14 – 00:42:47:08

Lia Bliss

Find me on LinkedIn because that’s where I do all of my work. I am on LinkedIn, first name spelled like a last name Bliss. I’m on Instagram under best live bliss and yeah, shoot me a message. I love talking to people.

00:42:47:08 – 00:42:49:17

Nick McGowan

So awesome. Well, thanks again. It’s been a pleasure.

00:42:50:01 – 00:42:59:20

Lia Bliss

Awesome. Thanks so much.

00:42:59:20 – 00:43:22:11

Nick McGowan

Another great conversation on today’s episode of The Mindset and Self-mastery show. So what did you think of the show today? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Check out the Instagram or Facebook page to join the conversation. If you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review. It helps us be found and helps others be healed.

00:43:23:00 – 00:43:43:17

Nick McGowan

If this episode Open Your Eyes made you think or smile at all, then I’m sure it’ll do the same for your friends. Check out the show notes for more info from today’s episode and check out other episodes on the Mindset and Self-mastery showcase as well as our YouTube channel. Just go to YouTube and look up the mindset and self-mastery show.

00:43:44:07 – 00:44:01:02

Nick McGowan

Thanks again to our incredible guests for being real, honest and vulnerable with us today. And most importantly, I’d like to thank you thank you for hanging out with us today. Your support means the world to us. And with that, remember, your mindset matters and so do you.