Nick McGowan (00:01.494)

Hello and welcome to the Mindset and self mastery show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. Today on the show, I have Christian Ray Flores. Christian, how you doing, man?

Christian Ray Flores (00:12.078)

I’m doing well, Nick. Thanks for having me on the show, appreciate it.

Nick McGowan (00:15.222)

Absolutely, I’m excited to have you on. I was talking about how it’s interesting having conversations with people who have their own show or are on tons of different podcasts and how we can just get into really great conversations. And it’s funny to me when I have conversations with people up front, just kind of shooting the breeze that there are some times where I’m like, oh my God, we need to like record, just hit the damn button, because we just keep talking. And you and I were about to fall into that spot. So I think it’s gonna be a great conversation. And there’s a lot that you’ve already gone through.

throughout your life and it feels like, just based on a little bit of conversation we’re having, there’s so much more ahead for you. So, why don’t you kick us off, tell us what you do for a living and what’s one thing that most people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre?

Christian Ray Flores (00:58.974)

I have a lot of things that are bizarre about me, but about me, yeah, what I do, it’s also bizarre because basically I run a couple of businesses and I

Nick McGowan (01:01.311)

Nice.

Christian Ray Flores (01:09.782)

you know, I’m in two non-profit sort of situations. One is I have a marketing agency, so we do videographic storytelling stuff, both for businesses and for essentially authority marketing, that’s sort of a good term to use. And I run a coaching program, this is actually the newer thing, for high achievers who basically hit a ceiling, you know, that invisible ceiling that you go, I’m not sure exactly how to grow from here. So that’s what I do.

passion thing. I love doing that. I’ve loved, you know, mentoring entrepreneurs, artists, athletes for 25 years now. And I’m a pastor at a small church that I started 10 years ago here in Austin, Texas. And I have a nonprofit that does two things. We have an after school academy in Mozambique in Africa. And I can tell you all kinds of stories that led to that. And we do work, we have done work for the refugees in Ukraine. That’s sort of a recent new thing.

and the Ascend Mission Fund. So if you wanna look it up, Ascend Mission Fund, that’s where it is. Okay, so that’s it, quick, right? That’s not, yeah, yeah. Those are the things. So weird thing, oh my gosh, I mean, geez. I have to just pick one. Okay, one that I’ve never mentioned anywhere that I’ve helped several Russian, Russian members of the Russian mafia clean up their act and get out of the mafia.

Nick McGowan (02:17.238)

Well, good talking to you. Thanks for being on the show. Ha ha ha.

Nick McGowan (02:39.402)

I’m really glad that…

Christian Ray Flores (02:39.446)

I don’t think I’ve ever said that on air. I’ve never said that on air. This is a long time ago, but that’s an interesting, that’s an interesting experience that I’ll never forget and I’ll cherish for as long as I live.

Nick McGowan (02:52.342)

What a weird statement to be able to say. To be able to help them clean, yeah, I know and I get that, which is so awesome. Being able to, well, being able to think back to that. I mean, let’s see if people try to connect to that in any way they could say, you know, I had a friend, maybe in school or at one job where I was able to speak some wisdom to them or love on them a little bit, but not many people would be like, you know what? I turned the ways of a couple of mafia men. Gotta give us some background to that.

Christian Ray Flores (02:55.339)

You asked for weird.

Christian Ray Flores (02:59.347)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (03:11.04)

hehe

Christian Ray Flores (03:17.846)

Yes, yes I have.

Well, you know, it was it was the 90s. I grew up on four different continents. I grew up in Russia, Chile, Germany, Africa, back to Russia, Ukraine, then to the US. So that gives you a little bit of a geography over my life. And we can go into some backstories there as well. But in the 90s, I was in Russia and I was I became a Christian there. And, you know, a lot of these guys in the mafia, obviously they have they were conflicted. Right. So I helped a few of them actually.

that the life of crime and it was fascinating because of the type of people they are, right? So I have actually a deep admiration for them, not because they did evil things, but because these are people that are like adventurous, they’re like cowboys, right? They’re like gunslingers quite literally, but they have passion, they have boldness and

Nick McGowan (04:06.126)

Haha. Literally.

Christian Ray Flores (04:16.926)

And they also have a weird, interesting spirituality about them as well. Like they have respect for scripture, for example, which is like you would never know. And they have anger issues. So combine that into a body of somebody who can literally kill you with your, with their bare hands. And you can imagine some of those conversations. It’s been, it was interesting.

Nick McGowan (04:38.482)

I bet. So how did you get into the conversation to begin with? That’s kind of the big question.

Christian Ray Flores (04:43.53)

Okay, I have literally a whole series of them, right? But I’ll tell you one conversation. So I was cheering up a buddy of mine who was a lightweight Greco-Roman wrestler.

And he was a member of my church and a bunch of us show up to cheer him up and it was like a local championship Another guy who was the heavyweight greco-roman second In all of in all of russia, but second after if you are a greco-roman Connoisseur you can look up. Um Gosh, I just forgot his name. That’s embarrassing But this there was this guy in russia who is like the mohammed ali like the all-time. He’s the goat, right? karelin alexander karelin

Nick McGowan (05:26.192)

Ah, okay.

Christian Ray Flores (05:30.026)

Look him up and you’ll see what kind of beast that person is. So my buddy Sergey Kanonenko was number two after him Heavyweight greg roman and he hated me. I had this long hair. I was in show business at the time So and the groker roman world was actually controlled by the russian mafia like quite literally financed organized Housed everything like so these guys were training Financed, um, and then they were also the enforcers, you know

Nick McGowan (05:49.774)

Mm.

Christian Ray Flores (06:00.336)

The muscle at the same time. This is the 90s. It’s like the Wild West in Russia So I’m in the in the we’re in the locker room and this guy corners me

Nick McGowan (06:01.771)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (06:11.022)

And he’s massive like he can he can kill me like so easily so he corners me into the into like the wall and he just yells at me and he goes like what are you doing and You you know, you have this long hair. Who are you anyway? And you know, like you can imagine anger issues, right and And he goes are you even a man and you know, like he’s just

And I and I actually don’t remember saying that he tells me that I said that because I was I think I was just completely Terrified, but I basically interrupted my say are you a real man? To this mountain of a man, right and he goes what and I go. Well, if you’re a real man, you’ll follow Jesus You know and he literally stopped what he was doing and that night he started reading the Bible a few weeks later he literally left the

Nick McGowan (06:44.738)

Jeez.

Christian Ray Flores (07:01.298)

The mafia well then that’s a long story because I helped him get out of it like his boss came to my house with a gun Basically saying what are you doing to my boy? You know? This guy is now a pastor of a major church in Moscow, Russia

Nick McGowan (07:15.406)

Huh. Ahem. Wow. That, well, I don’t think that’s as weird as much as that’s one of those divine calling moments. That it’s like, you needed to say that. He needed to go, huh? Yeah. Ahem, what a cool thing. I mean, if that wasn’t one of those moments, you may not be here right now to have this conversation. If he was like, follow who? Snap.

Christian Ray Flores (07:17.954)

How is that for weird?

Christian Ray Flores (07:25.438)

Yeah, yeah, it was amazing. It was amazing. Yeah, yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (07:37.147)

Absolutely. I could have, I could have, yeah, I could have, I could have completely, you know, not made, made it out of there for sure.

Nick McGowan (07:46.166)

Yeah, he could have been like, I’m not following anybody and just broken you in half. But what an interesting thing, especially for you to not think about that or to really almost even recall it. And for him to be like, this is what you said.

Christian Ray Flores (07:50.62)

Yes.

Christian Ray Flores (07:54.923)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (07:59.914)

Yeah, no, yeah. I think I was just scared, so scared. I just decided to say that, I don’t know why. So, but it worked, but it worked.

Nick McGowan (08:07.51)

I appreciate you being honest. I think there are a lot of people, yeah, there are a lot of people that are in your shoes who are a pastor as well that would be like, you know what, it was straight up 100% Jesus speaking directly through me. You were like, just terrified. Absolutely terrified. And God was still like, hold on, hold on, I got you. Hold my drink.

Christian Ray Flores (08:18.59)

I was terrified.

Christian Ray Flores (08:24.946)

Yeah, that’s exactly it. Yeah. Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah, I have so many of those but it’s sort of along the same lines Very dramatic. He’s one of my best friends became my roommate by the way Because he would get he got kicked out of everything and lost everything his livelihood place to live everything and he didn’t have any other skills So i’m like, yeah, just move in. It’s all right, you know I know yeah, here’s my here’s my muscle. Yeah

Nick McGowan (08:44.494)

Come on in. At least you know you’re protected. Like if somebody tried to get in, you’re like, we got the bruiser, we’re totally good.

Nick McGowan (08:54.711)

Wow. So you’ve mentioned that you’ve lived on four different continents. One of the things that you hadn’t mentioned that I think must have been a big thing was you mentioned a little bit with being in show business. So I want to talk about some of that, but why don’t you start from the beginning and give us a kind of the high overview of how you were a little kid, where you were, how you ended up seeing the fall of Soviet Russia and

Christian Ray Flores (08:58.871)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (09:16.429)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (09:19.626)

what happened, how you became a recording artist, like all of that mixed to become who you are, but give us the overview of that so then we can dive in a bit further.

Christian Ray Flores (09:29.29)

Yeah, sure. So I was born in Moscow and my mom is Russian, my dad’s Chilean. So like if you look if you’re watching this not listening to it, I look completely Latin, right? Like I don’t look Slavic at all. It’s because of my dad. So we moved to Chile when I was like four years old and my mom and dad were both Marxists and you know, all of that stuff and at the time they had just they were about to elect the first socialist democratically elected actually socialist president

history and he was elected in Chile well the

The military didn’t like that and they overthrew the president, bombed the thing and bombed his presidential palace. He got killed and they proceeded to arrest hundreds of thousands of people and put him in concentration camps. And so it was like mass persecution. I mean, the numbers vary greatly, but some people say about a quarter of a million total, right? Were detained, arrested, many of them tortured, killed, electrocuted, disappeared without notice. If you’ve heard the song, they dance alone.

by staying that’s what it’s about. And my dad was in a concentration camp and my mom and my sister and I weren’t hiding so she had like a fake passport, she had a gun just in case and we were like completely underground and my first, actually my first childhood memory is standing outside of this

concentration camp they put him in soccer stadiums because they ran out of prisons they didn’t have enough space so they had these soccer stadiums full of people right and so she was standing outside of this fence and I was holding her hand that was my first childhood memory and she was trying to talk to the soldier like a guard and trying to pass food for my dad

Christian Ray Flores (11:17.746)

and like a little, you know, like paper bag or something like that. And which he actually never got. We eventually learned. And then after he was released and he was one of the lucky ones, we were also one of the lucky ones because we were we could we were accepted into a refugee camp that was overseen by the United Nations. So the military couldn’t come in.

And so we were protected that way. And eventually we got asylum in Germany. Didn’t stay there for super long, for just probably about a year. Back to the Soviet Union, my mom was so shell shocked. We experienced a lot of poverty there. Lived in a communal apartment.

You know, it’s just soviet union at its worst, right? And then my dad got a got a contract to work in mozambique in africa And that’s where I grew up. I grew up in africa set from seven to fourteen. I was there and it was There also we had food shortages civil war bombings, you know stuff like that Uh, and uh back to the soviet union went after they got divorced And it was like again from africa to this the worst of the soviet union one bedroom apartment

three people, my mom, my sister and I, single mom raised me. Food shortages again, you know. And I went to college there and I literally graduated with a master’s degree in economics the year the Soviet Union fell apart, 1991. And in 93, I went into show business and just was lucky enough to see success very, very quickly. In about a year, I was on national television and then I was everywhere, you know, magazine covers, radio, TV.

albums, shows from small venues all the way to big venues like sports arena level type fame so that’s the quick version of it

Nick McGowan (13:05.642)

Well, well done with the quick version. I’m sure there’s a lot of details that go into all of that. I know as a musician that there’s solace that can come from playing music and creating your art. No matter what is going on, you’re able to dive into that. So what was that like for you to be able to be that artist through and through all of that to then become who you were?

Christian Ray Flores (13:10.891)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (13:31.022)

I think…

Christian Ray Flores (13:35.602)

It’s nature nurtured. We will never know, to be honest with you. My theory is that artists usually have A, suffering in their past, right? Because there’s an emotional muscle that you develop over time. And then many artists have also, I think, a variety of experiences that are just different.

and I have like this plethora of experiences, cultures. And I think those are the things that contributed to the artistry and that’s my theory. I’m not sure, but I think that gives you these superpowers. The ability to connect to human nature.

That would be my guess. In my case, I had to learn, I literally moved four countries by age seven and learned four languages by age nine. So it was just relentless stuff, right? Like you’ll go from place to place, from country to country, people look differently, the body language is different, the language is different, how they communicate, how they relate to each other is all different. And I really…

I really, and it was painful. My dad tells me when we moved to Africa, I was sort of quiet for a full year. Like he would bring me to social things, gatherings, or whatever, and I was just there, not saying anything. And I think I was just shell shocked, I was so confused.

didn’t know where I belonged and everything. And that was sort of the trauma that helped me develop some superpowers, right? And there’s a, one of the things I do in my coaching program is that I interview top experts in the world about this stuff. And one of them, Ben Shahar, he tells me about this thing in psychology that most psychology students in the first year don’t even know about. Everybody talks about PTSD, but no one talks about PTG, post-traumatic growth.

Christian Ray Flores (15:31.952)

And that’s what happens, you know, and you trauma makes you more stronger, more resilient, more creative.

Nick McGowan (15:32.084)

Mm-hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (15:40.118)

gives you cognitive abilities that most people don’t have. Some of the, so I really, I really, I’m grateful, super grateful for the trauma early on that, especially the layers, right? It’s culture, it’s danger, civil war, it’s military goods. You know, like, you get really acquainted with suffering and fear and uncertainty, you know? And I think if you either wired, you’re wired a certain way or just make some choices on how to interpret that, it gives you the ability to really

Nick McGowan (15:44.054)

Hmm

Christian Ray Flores (16:10.192)

really succeed and flourish in life because you’re not scared by uncertainty. You don’t you know interpret risk the same way other people do. You relate to people. I think that’s the big the biggie for me is that I realized that because I was trying to read body language and language and tone and intonations and words that gave me almost like this supernatural ability to understand a human being and relate and it works really well in marketing obviously you know if

Nick McGowan (16:34.53)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (16:39.11)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (16:40.032)

It works really well if you’re a coach, it works really well if you’re a musician, right? Because you’re trying to, you know, you’re trying to communicate a sentiment that will resonate with a mass audience, right? You write a song about love and you want, you know, millions of people to go, yeah, that’s how I feel. And I think all of that in my, in my, my theory is that all of that is rooted in all that early childhood trauma.

Nick McGowan (17:06.41)

I’m right there with you with that same theory, but I also think that most everything is rooted in childhood trauma, no matter what it is. You know, you can tie back everything to something that shaped you in those early handful of years. As you’ve talked through this, I’m thinking, man, some people have a hard enough time when they’re a little kid, like moving to a different house or a different town away from their buddies. You know, even if it’s in the same like area, they go to the same school or whatever, like,

Christian Ray Flores (17:14.534)

Right.

Christian Ray Flores (17:22.379)

Yes, absolutely.

Christian Ray Flores (17:30.874)

Right.

Nick McGowan (17:36.444)

you moved a couple blocks away. And you’re like, I moved multiple countries, multiple continents. And what a beautiful way to be able to look at that and go, yeah, there was all of that. And craziness at every spot that we went to, and danger and trauma from each and every spot of it that I’m, I am totally aware of the growth that comes from that sort of stuff. But it is a choice to be able to actually do that. You and I could be having a totally different conversation. You could be blaming every single bit and every single piece of that. Now, do you think that

Christian Ray Flores (17:59.126)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (18:05.784)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (18:06.264)

there was some of that you actually did for a little while and just didn’t hold on to it though or was it something where you were kind of nurtured out of that?

Christian Ray Flores (18:10.818)

Oh yeah, I think so.

Christian Ray Flores (18:17.582)

I think it’s both. A lot of it is nurtured out as well, but.

And honestly, I can’t take credit. I honestly can’t. Because it’s so early on, all of this stuff continued well into my teenage years. And even with the last move, it was a divorce that really deeply traumatized me. But I would say it’s a combination, I think, of something that was just, some muscles grew on their own. But some of the stuff, yes. For example, one specific thing that really did me in is my parents’ divorce.

couldn’t find my way out of it and I literally that’s sort of my breaking point was not civil war not danger not moving not sort of this risk or even lack of safety or lack of material resources it was

It was this fear, primal fear, fear of the heartache that happens with divorce. So I was like grown up and I would just literally sabotage every single romantic relationship I had. I would cheat, lie, be a jerk, draw somebody, you know, just try to push the person away.

And I hurt myself, I hurt other people. And that thing I couldn’t, like I just couldn’t get over it. And I had to get a lot of coaching to change that. And that’s part of the reason why I’m coaching now is because I realized that coaching and the ability to be being coachable, right? Having access to a coach that gets you, by being coachable, having that humble, hungry.

Christian Ray Flores (19:58.298)

Willing eager heart is massive right and I had that and but I couldn’t have gotten out of it without that kind of thing And it accelerates your growth in tremendous ways So I just was lucky enough to have this one man in my life and he just healed me You know, like he just basically rewired my brain on how to do romance for example Yeah, is that is that a good answer okay get answer

Nick McGowan (20:23.634)

I mean, there’s no good or bad answers, I guess, when it comes to your life. I find it interesting how that was the thing that broke you or really messed you up. But that is kind of telling in a sense. I’m sure you’re more of a lover than a fighter. And if you watched your two parents that were in love, being able to no longer hold on to that.

Christian Ray Flores (20:27.401)

Yeah, that’s right.

Christian Ray Flores (20:34.07)

Yeah, right? Mm-hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (20:40.447)

Right.

Nick McGowan (20:48.41)

and being younger and not knowing what do I do and not having that example from there. After all of that craziness, like even when you mentioned that a little earlier, you kind of slipped in just they got divorced and I moved back to Russia. It was like, wait a minute, what happened there? How did they get to that point through all of that? And then go, you know what, we’re done. We’ve been through a lot. So now we’re done. Like, that’s a bit much. And for that to actually take you and

Christian Ray Flores (21:02.142)

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (21:14.122)

and show you I can’t do this anymore. Did that lean into when you were in show business? Like was some of that part of that, the you being public facing and kind of having anybody throw anything they want at you?

Christian Ray Flores (21:27.687)

Yeah, it accelerated.

It sort of revealed the dysfunction and the brokenness quicker and amplified it tremendously because basically I went from nobody and also another dimension for you, it’s a minority. I’m a minority, right? I was born there but I have darker skin. I’ve been a minority everywhere I’ve been, like literally everywhere. Every single country I’ve never been local because there’s something odd about me, right? In Africa I’m not African, clearly.

Nick McGowan (21:45.536)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (21:59.408)

in Russia I don’t look Russian, in the US I have an accent, even in Chile people quickly understand that I might look like them but the minute I open my mouth it’s different, right? So that I have other sort of sources of cultural formation. So this is just another layer, right? But with show business I went from being this sort of

Nick McGowan (22:15.212)

Hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (22:23.966)

You know ugly duckling minority You know like literally I was like one or two of us in the whole high school for example, right? And luckily in my class actually I didn’t experience a ton of racism at all people really loved me and i’m so grateful for that Uh, but uh, but I stood out you can you can tell that i’m back the other like i’m the foreigner And I went from that to all of a sudden being you go you go from exotic from ugly to exotic or from like minority to exotic

Nick McGowan (22:45.291)

Hmm.

Nick McGowan (22:53.464)

Hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (22:54.16)

look different, then you’re exotic. You know? And so I became this sort of, I mean, they called me the sex symbol of, you know, whatever. You know, like, so you go from that to millions, literally millions of women, you know, teenagers and young women having posters on their walls and all of that, all of that, right? All of that bizarre, over-the-top stuff. And that actually didn’t help at all, you know, because you like, this is not normal. That’s just so not normal.

Nick McGowan (22:56.738)

hahahaha

Christian Ray Flores (23:23.106)

And you don’t know, like, and I was completely, I was already unprepared, right, for romance. Now that threw me over the edge very quickly. Like, I didn’t know what to do with that at all. And, and, and of course, you know, it was just too much. You know, it was just too much. I couldn’t, I couldn’t handle it, basically.

Nick McGowan (23:41.258)

So when you shut down, you started to kind of break apart from that.

Obviously coaching has helped with that, but how did you get to the point where you knew, I’ve got a problem. And I think that’s one of the big things for people that listen to this show. It’s like, look, they’re going through stuff. People may not have gone through the exact same things you’ve gone through or had millions of women throwing themselves or putting your posters up on their walls or anything like that. But they still, I think it’s all universal in the sense that we try to figure out how do we get through the stuff that we’re trying to get through.

Christian Ray Flores (23:57.422)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (24:15.08)

how do I actually get past it? So how did you get through that trauma, not only just the trauma with your parents getting a divorce and what came of that, but all the other traumas, like what sort of modalities, trainings, even coachings and things of that sort, do you feel really actually did the trick for you and helped you work through and what did that look like?

Christian Ray Flores (24:31.413)

Mm-hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (24:37.206)

Well, I think it honestly starts with understanding you’re tolerating something that’s unhealthy, right? So in my mind is…

Of course there’s signals early on everybody has those signals right you have a hint that you have a weak spot or a blind spot Right, of course you do life sends you signals your surrounding side just signals your work situation sends you signals that you are whatever You know lacking in something So with romance I had very clear signals. Okay, like what’s the common denominator of all those breakups? What do you do with that you decide to brush it aside

self-medicate or just ignore it and try over do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That’s what we do.

And there comes a point, and that’s sort of the self-awareness challenge, right? If you’re self-aware enough, maybe this is like this listening to you, to this podcast, will help you go before it gets extreme to go, I’m not going to tolerate this anymore. I’m going to fix this. I’m going to ask for help, right? But for me, I was a knucklehead. You know, what brought me to my knees was I started dating this girl and she was, you know, I was sort of this perfect cliche.

runway model and she was a runway model and she was popular and I’m like and I’m not I’m being completely honest this my motivation with this I Had no plans of marrying her. I was like, you know, we’re gonna probably look really good in magazines That’s literally how I was thinking at the time. It was just the most shallow cliche type person and she got pregnant and we had a baby and

Christian Ray Flores (26:19.486)

I was freaking out, you know, because all of those things were flaring up in me and I just treated her terribly. I wasn’t violent or anything like that, but I was definitely a jerk and she left because I wasn’t a safe bet. And she took my kid with me, my oldest daughter, Diana. And that was the trigger. That was the bottom of, you know, rock bottom. I can’t, I can’t. I don’t know how to live. That’s sort of, I remember having that thought over and over again. I don’t know how to live.

And I was already thin, I lost more weight. I was just clinically depressed, you know, clinically depressed, absolutely rock bottom. And I was playing sports arenas at the time. I had a number one hit at the time. And that’s where I was. So.

I would say to you, if you’re listening to this, don’t wait until it gets to that. Be proactive, just be proactive. Have the good sense, the self-awareness to do something radical and take massive action before you hit a place where you have so much pain that you’re gonna feel it for a long time. So that was sort of my thing that triggered it. But the benefit of that, I think for me, was that I was…

You know, I have so much, I had so much success that it was hard to find humility in the midst of so much success. And when you’re so unsuccessful at something, specifically with this, it gave me the humility and the urgency to say, I know nothing. I trust you. I found a man who just saved my life.

And I will do literally everything, anything you tell me I will do, I will obey. So like I was a coachable on the level of karate kid, like the boy who was following whatever his name was. It was like Eastern philosophy, kung fu level obedience. That’s where I was at in my posture. And that saved my life because you need to be, you need to be able to be coachable.

Christian Ray Flores (28:27.179)

in on that level and then you progress very quickly if you actually listen right

Nick McGowan (28:32.378)

Yeah. Yeah, your soil is ready at that point. You know, you’re, uh, you’re not able to get it or understand it before that. So, do you still talk to your Mr. Miyagi? Do you still have a relationship with that person?

Christian Ray Flores (28:35.339)

Yeah.

Christian Ray Flores (28:42.386)

Yeah, I do. Yeah, Mr. Miyagi, thank you for reminding me. Yes, I do. I had lunch with him like, what, three weeks ago. You know, he visits every once in a while. Yeah, yeah, I owe him everything. I just love that guy, yeah.

Nick McGowan (28:49.51)

nice what a cool thing

Yeah. Look, I think, I think everybody can feel like they’ve had some sort of love lost, some sort of situation where they can look back and go, man, I shouldn’t have been a jerk. I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have done that or whatever. But at a level of what you had gone through, having that relationship, having a baby, hitting tour after tour.

and singles and all of those things that are going on, that can be a lot that could break somebody. That could be a lot that could actually really crush somebody. So in those dark moments when you knew things are really, really tough right now, what’s the sort of protocol that you started to go through on your own? Even after meeting your Mr. Miyagi or leading up to it, but looking back, are you able to say, I could see how I was starting to be self-aware and then kind of move along through it. Like what did that look like for you?

Christian Ray Flores (29:51.39)

Yeah, thank you for asking and I think before I even met Mr. Miyagi. I went to my mom You know, and I think that’s actually a really important insight is family is Is everything and if you’re lucky enough to have a caring parent in your life or both? I didn’t have my dad with me. He was physically I have good memories of him But he was not present in my life at the time but I was with my mom and I was clinically depressed and I would just seek her out and I would

just hold her hand. That’s how bad it was. I would just sit there and I wanted to hold her hand.

Like that’s the relief I got, right? You know? It’s just pretty terrible if you think about it. But I think that’s important thing to note is that, yeah, you don’t have to have a protocol or figure it out. Go to somebody who loves you and stay close to them. And then you figure out the next steps, right? And for me, it was, I clearly, this changed my life. I mean, that’s a lot of the stuff I still have in my coaching program is that, is find somebody who is good

what you suck in and listen attentively and have sort of a Mr. Miyagi attitude, right?

um to towards that person is I will tell I will do everything you say And that’s not normal in culture, especially in american culture. It’s not normal to be obedient. It’s not normal to be humble It’s not normal to be vulnerable even Uh, but because of that so because of that I feel like we don’t grow quickly enough So our speed are it the and if you take that heart that posture it accelerates your growth

Christian Ray Flores (31:30.462)

And that’s I really believe in that deeply that with that gentleman and now I was I think his best student In that sense like I was that guy who would do anything, right? um, like i’ll give you an example, for example, very practical I You know, I was like I became a christian studied the bible became a christian. This guy was a pastor And and he basically said okay you need to do a b and c when it comes to the lifestyle

And uh, it was let’s put it that way I didn’t understand what he the words that were coming out of his mouth Right because the lifestyle of a pop star doesn’t quite blend with scripture, right? Um, and I literally was like, I don’t even understand how you can live like that I don’t understand. I don’t understand what you’re saying to me, you know, and he goes well, this is what it says and you have to This is what’s gonna help get you healthy. Right? And I was like, all right, and I literally

you know, change my lifestyle. Completely, cold turkey, in that moment. There was another moment where he was like, hey, there’s this conference happening in Los Angeles, and I think it’s gonna really help you see just the journeys of the people, the speakers, the maturity, the insights, and I want you to go there because you’re like, you know, I was like six months in. And I was at the same time.

Campaigning this is another story. You can actually look it up if you google Marxism and Christian right floors, you’ll see stuff. I was actually campaigning for the for Boris Yeltsin the president In his 1996 he had his reelection campaign. This was the last time the communists were about to come back and they were winning and The Boris Yeltsin’s team chose my song as their anthem

And I was campaigning for him on television. I was touring also. They were paying us pretty well Uh, and uh, they were and he was in the life or death struggle, right if the communists came back Uh losing my career was the best case scenario for me Right. Uh, so I was like all in on against the communist which is ironic, right? because I was brought up by a couple of communists and um

Christian Ray Flores (33:44.138)

And I was campaign and it was an important life or death historical election. It really was, you know, and um And i’m like there’s I have a 12 city tour coinciding with that conference in los angeles And i’m like dude, I am a you know, do on the on the on the side of good here like Participating in a historic election campaign And they’re using my song as the anthem for it um You know a little busy right now

And he goes, well, yeah, but you know, if you want to really grow, I think the timing is important and I think you’re just getting sort of established in this new journey. Um, I think you should still go. And I’m like, all right. And I canceled the whole 12 city leg. It was one of the legs. Like I did others, but I canceled the whole leg of a, of a tour.

And and we and my whole team was livid just because instead of livelihood, this is bread and butter for them, right? And they were like dude, you lost your mind, you know, and but I obeyed, you know, and sure enough It helped me tremendously. He was right like I saw people Incredibly accomplished people uh who were living a life that I that I was just starting

And and that was like Grammy Award winners and Hollywood producers and actors and I was like, oh my gosh I’ve caught a vision for my life, you know So it really helped and so that’s just sort of one of the thing right is just find a Miyagi be coachable Do everything they say the other one was having a spiritual practice, right? And one of the things that I study quite a bit and have for a long time is even the top completely secular

researchers on human flourishing will tell you that one of the core elements of success is to have a spiritual practice. So contemplation, prayer, scripture, engaging with ancient wisdom. And the reason for that is because you get a perspective of how the world works, how the universe works, how you fit in, why you’re even on this earth in the first place. These are things that are really important for human beings. I don’t care who you are, right?

Nick McGowan (35:59.443)

Just a little bit.

Christian Ray Flores (36:00.53)

Yeah, it really are there existential things that sort of that have to you have to put that piece of the puzzle somewhere And it changes everything So I started developing a prayer practice a scriptural practice. I started practicing community with people so on a level of And that’s another thing that all research like all the research that has nothing to do with religion will tell you Is that the three most important things you’ll have in life to flourish?

Christian Ray Flores (36:30.564)

study of human flourishing will tell you these are the three things, the four things. It’s family, deep friendships, right? Faith and meaningful work, four things.

Those are the things that will make you happy that you’ll literally live longer. You’ll do better, you’ll be healthier, wealthier. You’ll live longer all across the board. So I started developing those dimensions. My family was okay, but I was, oh my gosh, it was so much better. I started developing deep, deep friendships. Most of my friendships were sort of superficial. It was either people I worked with or people I partied with.

And I started developing deep, deep friendships with accountability, with love, with engagement. My work took a whole different meaning, right? So I started looking at my work as an act of service to the world. And that adds layers to the stuff that you do, right? And, you know, for example, we started doing amazing philanthropy work and I’ve never done it before at that point. So we were doing two festivals a year for about 3,000 plus orphans.

It was unbelievable, the scale of it. So even my work took a whole different sense of meaning and depth, right? One of those festivals, Michael Jackson came. It was that awesome and big, you know?

So so meaningful work deep friendships deep deeper family connections And of course I was working on my specific blind spot, which is romance. So I was I was sort of hanging out with Three I had three married guys Who I really I was like, okay If I have if I can get what they have i’m gonna be set and I would just literally invest in friendships with them having Meals with them. I would just make myself I would position myself to be around them their wives and I would like torture them

Christian Ray Flores (38:22.72)

each other. How do you court? How do you know it’s the one or she was the one? And I would torture the wives as well. I was really weird. But I was that determined. And they would give me instructions. They would be like, well, here’s the thing. Here’s the principle. And I remember very vividly, had a conversation with a buddy of mine and we’re out having breakfast. And he was like, okay, so what is the list of what you’re looking for in a woman?

And I’m like, oh, boom, boom. That’s easy, right? He’s like, all right. I’m like, what’s your list when you found your wife? And he gave me his list. And I’m like, I’m throwing away my list. I’m taking your list.

It was that transformational, right? But you have to seek it. You have to be curious. You have to find who to learn from. And from those sort of building blocks, a whole new person was built, right? And to me, I’m so grateful that, and so I incorporate the stuff in what I do now, helping other people, and I’d never stopped. So I, you know, I study all the experts. I talk to the experts. I had all this other stuff. So it’s timeless stuff. It’s tried stuff, things that I know works.

stuff, meaning there’s research. So if you’re a homo sapiens, if you’re if you have a pulse and a heart and you’re a human being, this stuff will work for you. Right? So that’s what I love about it is that the answers are there. It’s not super complicated. It’s really our willingness to look for them and incorporate them into your lives and you’re gonna be set. You can have an amazing life.

Nick McGowan (39:49.686)

We’ve brought up coachable a bunch of times and even in the way that you were, like you were at that crux point where you were like, I need to, like you knew you needed to change and you felt that and you felt called to do that. Uh, I believe in, even in one of your, one of your talks, you talk about, uh, being able to bridge that gap between even your job and what your calling is. And it sounds like part of your calling was really even being that musician, the

Christian Ray Flores (39:52.407)

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (40:19.82)

up on that platform to be able to do that and then having to go back with inside yourself to actually be able to figure out what do I need to do and still being coachable because coachable is kind of a four-letter word to some people or even just like I don’t want to deal with it or yeah I get it we all need to be coachable that sort of deal but that’s a deeper level of it’s not even coachable it feels like that’s just a nice surface word to be able to put to what the what that actually is because there’s so many different parts and

Christian Ray Flores (40:35.522)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah.

Nick McGowan (40:49.6)

it, but you’ve got to be open and you’ve got to be able to do it and you’ve got to have that pain that’s tied to it. There’s like the recipe in a sense of that coachability. And as a coach, I know that I’ve worked with people before where it’s difficult to be able to help them understand because they’re the ones stopping themselves and you’re like, you have to do that so that we can do this together. So how do you actually help people become more coachable? And let’s

Christian Ray Flores (40:57.571)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (41:19.66)

level thing to say the amount of depth that actually goes into this. So how do you help people get to the point where they go, all right, I don’t want to have to go through a craziness like you did.

Nick McGowan (41:46.391)

Hmm

Christian Ray Flores (47:16.414)

Eb and I share very specific common values. We play from the same playbook. When things get misaligned, we can call each other, hey, let’s get back to the playbook. Everything changes all the time, but the values don’t change. And because of that, the chemistry not only stays, but it keeps growing and growing and growing. And sparks are flying still 24 years later.

Christian Ray Flores (47:39.982)

You know what’s going to keep the chemistry going for life? Common values. Deb and I share their specific common values. We play from the same playbook. When things get misaligned.

Christian Ray Flores (50:31.842)

Jim Ritchie Dunham, PhD in Decision Science. And how do I line my life with that? But I can also disagree with others because they’re not like me, right? And…

Nick McGowan (51:21.48)

And I’m back.

Nick McGowan (51:27.627)

I’m back yet.

Christian Ray Flores (51:29.222)

Oh, you’re still there. You’re back. Hold on, let me get my headset.

Nick McGowan (51:38.362)

Thank you. That might have actually been our saving grace with this.

Christian Ray Flores (51:39.886)

I had the good sense to not close the window because he told me not to.

Christian Ray Flores (51:45.826)

Haha.

Nick McGowan (51:49.252)

Yeah, did you see my email?

Christian Ray Flores (51:50.85)

So, okay, I was like, what happened, you know?

Nick McGowan (51:57.091)

Yeah, all good. So I was boasting about Riverside and then it just took a dump right in the middle of it. Like, okay, fair enough. So it just said it’s no longer recording and final error or something like that. I was like, okay. And I tried to go to Google and Google open, but I couldn’t reset the page. I couldn’t open it up. And I was like, all right, so I’ll just shut it all down and start it back up again. Here we are. So thank you for hanging out.

Christian Ray Flores (51:58.686)

No, I was checking. I was figuring you would probably email me, but then I think I missed that one.

Christian Ray Flores (52:11.281)

Oh my gosh.

Christian Ray Flores (52:29.358)

Oh my gosh. Oh, no problem. Do you think things got uploaded on my end because it’s still showing 99%? I don’t know what that means.

Nick McGowan (52:31.098)

Yeah. Well, most of yours is uploaded at that point. So mine is finishing uploading now. This is actually, all right, you know, Riverside took a dump, but this is one of the things like if that happens, if something happens with it, as you can see, it’s 41% and it’ll just keep going because it’s still on my machine. It’ll just pull it back up.

Christian Ray Flores (52:42.15)

okay good

Christian Ray Flores (52:52.078)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (52:56.59)

but that’s never happened for a thought is funny i was like man and i was telling my first great and then right middle of it sick alright fair enough

Christian Ray Flores (52:57.138)

Right. Got it. Okay.

Christian Ray Flores (53:06.638)

Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s hilarious.

Nick McGowan (53:08.094)

So I appreciate you hanging out. I want to respect your time and I’ve got to respect mine as well. I know where we left off. I’m going to kick back in and what I’m going to say is something along the lines of you’ve mentioned coachability. Let’s talk about coachability. It’s all wrapped up into things that are deeper than that. And then the question after that will be what’s your one piece of advice for somebody on their path towards self mastery? So we’ll start to wrap things up.

Christian Ray Flores (53:28.534)

Mm-hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (53:32.494)

Sure.

Nick McGowan (53:35.017)

We should be on here maybe another 10, 15 minutes. Is that good with you?

Christian Ray Flores (53:39.826)

okay sounds good

Nick McGowan (53:41.03)

Alright, cool. Well, it looks like it’s already recording, so let me…

Christian Ray Flores (53:44.194)

Sure, that’s fine.

Nick McGowan (53:49.51)

Let me make sure that we’re good. You doing anything weird, Riverside? No? Okay.

Nick McGowan (54:00.718)

Cool, I’m gonna do a 3-2 silent one in so the production’s not like, where do you want me to start? Alright, 3-2. So you’ve brought up coachability and being coachable a bunch of times. You’ve even talked about it and hinted about it, but you’ve also specifically said you gotta be coachable and you gotta be open. And it sounds like you went through a situation or, you know, obviously situations, the moving, the baby and…

Christian Ray Flores (54:10.868)

Okay.

Nick McGowan (54:28.498)

all of that and the change of your heart and the way that you looked at things. But coachable can kind of be a four-letter word for some people. They’re like, look, I get it. It gotta be coachable. But there’s more to it than that. What you’re actually talking about is more of a recipe that ties in, that anchors things to why and how you were able to be coachable. So as a coach.

Christian Ray Flores (54:33.411)

Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (54:54.474)

You’ve gone through different conversations with people, I’m sure, where you’re like, just get out of your own way. I’ve had conversations with people like that too, where you’re like, you gotta stop just being in your own way. You can’t do it for them as the coach. You can love them through it, but they have to be willing, able, and ready to be able to do all of this. So the coachability and being coachable side of things is actually more of a recipe again. But what is it that you work with people on in your coaching to be able to maybe help them get to that point where they see that without going through some…

crazy life changing situation and still being able to have that change. So are you able to be a catalyst for that?

Christian Ray Flores (55:40.458)

Honestly, the answer to that is I sell them on the dream. I send them I sell them on the vision

Nick McGowan (55:41.434)

Okay.

Christian Ray Flores (55:47.03)

and I there’s no I don’t think there’s another way to do it because one of the advantages that I have is I see the future and I see what works and with the steps you need to take and the techniques and strategies that you need to employ And bottom but they can’t and they can’t there are where they are And I was literally I had a session, uh, maybe a couple hours ago before we recorded this where I was selling them I was like guys i’m gonna sell you

Nick McGowan (55:59.214)

Hmm.

Nick McGowan (56:09.242)

the

Christian Ray Flores (56:14.538)

and I would just paint a picture and I would go, can you imagine, you know? And let me show you how you get there. It’s this, and this, and this, but then.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s overwhelming. Yes, it requires discipline and you have to rearrange things And reprioritize things and yes, it’s emotional labor and yes, it’s fear and you better get used to it But I promise you this is gonna do this and this but I have to explain exactly what it’s gonna do and how it looks in your personal life in your just personally sort of your space of peace and creativity and flexibility

vision in your workspace, what it could mean for business, revenue, right, can you imagine? Like if you are in this place, how would you be able to measure even, at least project how this can help you in your business? And once you sort of create that little, step by step by step image, they can…

do whatever it is that motivates them, right? Because for some, it could be like, I work with some people that are Stanford graduates, Harvard graduates, and I go, give me the monetary significance of this, if this were to happen. And they were like millions, tens of millions. I’m like, is it worth it for you to do this work?

Nick McGowan (57:32.614)

Mm-hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (57:35.922)

Hectory, yeah, you know, and some of it is relational. Some of it is just peace. I just don’t wanna be stressed out anymore this way. I don’t know how to manage stress or risk or uncertainty. Right? What is it gonna do for you to have a level of a creative space, a state of flow on demand?

Nick McGowan (57:42.554)

Hmm.

Christian Ray Flores (57:56.462)

What would that do for you? And they can just fill in the blanks, right? What would that do for your family if you were to not, you know, if you’re a single guy and you really feel heartbroken and you sort of feel like you’re a failure, but what if we tweak this and this and this and this? Do you think that’s gonna change the way you see women dating, romance in general? Yeah, what would that lead to? I might find somebody who I can make a life with, create a life together.

Well, what is that worth to you? A lot. Okay, start now. So basically I sell it. Ha ha ha.

Nick McGowan (58:32.039)

I love that you don’t- no holds barred with that. You’re like, straight up just sell them on it. I just sell them. Sure. Yeah. But to be able to call that out in the beginning of it, I enjoy that sort of sense of humor anyway. Of like, look, this might sound like this and this is how it’s going to be, because I am.

Christian Ray Flores (58:41.67)

I literally use those words. Yeah, because I’m excited for them, you know, like I really believe this, you know. So anyway, yeah.

Nick McGowan (58:57.254)

now on with it. Christian, look, it has been awesome having you on the show. I think we could just talk for hours and hours and hours. And I hope we continue to talk at some point. We do need to wrap this up a little bit. And before I let you go, what’s that one piece of advice that you would give to somebody that’s on their path towards self-mastery?

Christian Ray Flores (59:02.654)

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Christian Ray Flores (59:24.679)

I would say, um,

Nick McGowan (59:26.202)

Thank you.

Christian Ray Flores (59:29.206)

Okay, there’s a few but I’ll land on one that your inner game will drive your outer game Always and the world and your surroundings in your culture in your job in whatever will tell you otherwise They will measure your performance

They’ll measure what you can bring to the table, which is really important, it’s not unimportant. But if you over-invest in your outer game and under-invest in your inner game, you’re gonna hit a ceiling that it’s gonna be hard for you to break through and you’re not gonna reach your potential. The only way to reach greatness, if you develop your outer game, you’ll have a career. If you work hard enough, you have talent, you have a work ethic. If you work on your inner game, you will have a calling.

you will change the world. And I advise you to aim higher.

Nick McGowan (01:00:26.138)

for somebody to feel like.

Christian Ray Flores (01:00:27.095)

That’s it.

Nick McGowan (01:00:29.07)

They know that they have a calling, but they’re not sure what it is or how to go about it. I really, I love the idea of working on your inner game for your outer game, because there are a lot of times that we think we have to do the outer stuff. Like the outer stuff will get me this. If I get this job, if I make this sale, if I get this giant payday, if I have this woman or this man or whatever, then it’ll all be, and that’s honestly just BS.

you’ve got to be able to work through that. So I’m glad that that’s how we ended this. That’s a great way to be able to put that. Again, before I let you go, where can people find you and where can they connect with you?

Christian Ray Flores (01:01:16.314)

You can you can just google Christian Ray Flores and you’ll find you know, most of the stuff Christian Ray Flores comm is a newsletter that is absolutely free and It’s called headspace by Christian Ray Flores and if you subscribe to it, it’s all of the stuff It’s just tons of insights and content and interviews Highly highly recommend subscribing to that if you want to get serious about actually getting help and progressing and accelerating your growth go to exponential dot life and exponential is spelled without the E

So it’s a cool way to say exponential. Starts with an X, exponential.life, and you’ll see the details of the coaching program.

Nick McGowan (01:01:48.37)

Awesome, man. Again, thank you so much for being on the show, for being open and honest and going through everything you’ve gone through. I really appreciate your time.

Christian Ray Flores (01:02:00.93)

Same here, it’s an honor, thank you.