Password Jeopardy by Zoe Miracle
Dear Zoe:
Do you have any thoughts about this absurd, "password and username mania" lifestyle we are being forced to live ? Does anyone need to learn one more frigging password? You can't even get your voice mail without mini-maximum security protocol…My Uncle who is 80 years old, had a business website that was about to expire. He was confused and needed help,so I swooped in as would any hero,coming to the rescue,credit card in hand.However, because neither my Uncle nor I knew the password or the answer to the 'secret question' they said I couldn't pay the bill. Alas,without a password one is treated like a potential criminal.. and without the answer to the secret question, we are nothing. I was only trying to pay what was due—to give them money, I explained. Why would I sneak up on myself to pay mine or anyone else's bill-and why would that be objectionable? The website was shut down. Who started this secret code insanity? Are we living in a spy movie or what? …I think the early astronauts had less crap to remember than we do.
Signed, Harvey007
Dear Harvey007:
I feel your pain. And you are not alone. I know lots of other people feel the same way…I myself have counted my own passwords and apparently I have a list of forty three passwords and usernames for different accounts,online groups, voice mail ,etc. Has any University done a study counting the total hours and minutes a day the average person spends reciting or typing out numbers? This would have to include the time spent answering demeaning "secret questions "…all in the name of privacy and security. It makes me nostaglic for the time when the "secret word" was something only Groucho knew and if you said it, a duck would drop down and an orchestra would play.
But life is not a game show. And you're right Harvey , it is a bit like a spy movie- Do most normal people need this kind of protection and espionage that these companies insist on? Or do we need protection from the companies themselves.? Years ago when I first experienced 'voice mail' and it's retrieval routine for messages ,it always amazed me . I wondered if this was originally designed for criminals and politicians. Who has this many secrets? Well, now we all do. All passwords.
My cable company, in an effort to maintain security. requires –for my privacy and protection- that I give my social security number to any operator on each and every call…and this isn't a bank, this is just entertainment….but in the name of privacy and security. For my protection,you know, for security purposes. Well, since crime and fraud have became a national past-time, I dare someone to show me one corporation, especially a major one, say, like a bank or utility that doesn't take advantage of it's customers . They have developed a complex specialized abusive, "bag of tricks " of bullying , manipulating us through a series of non- negotiable surprise policies, hidden fees and charges- All this as we are a captive audience, worn down and brought to our knees, robbed of of our dignity, spirit and free will (and not to mention money). Their secret weapon ? The Queen Mother of all stun gun tactics…"On Hold". For obscene amounts of time, "On Hold" is the ultimate "Hold Up". Needless to say they always win because we can't live without our electricity or phones…All of this amounts to a sort of legalized highway robbery -an activty that used to be known as stealing.
Will we one day need a background check to order a pizza?…Not a background check for those delivering to your home, but a background check for you. Why can't we just memorize one password and use the same one all the time? Because different companies or organizations request different kinds of passwords, some with numbers,some not. Sometimes your password is already taken…So all the myriad of passwords are somewhat of a necessary evil…Because even if you could use the same password in every situation, it could ultimately be dangerous… Sigh…I long for the time when identity theft was something we only feared from our parents. Possibly some time in the future when we get married, we will be given a user name and password at the alter and find ourselves when slipping into bed with our loved one..."Hi Honey ,it's me-4434wowiezowiepoopsiesnarg"(just to show its really you).
Well, it's a fact that the brain can only hold so much information. My question is, if we are so busy occupying our memory with numbers, codes, and so much new technology—and no doubt all this contributes to people's growing irritability and severe stress, -the increase in drive-by shootings—and the rising divorce rate, will we also lose brain space for certain older important values? Will there still be room for concern for other people or will we lose some humanity?…Are we in jeopardy of putting "things" before people ? We should love people, not things. Things can be replaced, people can't . Let's hope we don't one day find the cat jumping out of the rinse cycle , and that the laundry was outside for the night, and " where did we leave Grandpa?" You know, Harvey, I have to pay MY electric bill tomorrow. I hope they let me.
Zoe Miracle is a comedy writer in Hollywood Ca.Click on this link to see more "ASK ZOE" articles:
http://www.zoemiracle.com/id7.html
