In this episode, I talk with Max Littman, an IFS therapist, consultant, and writer. Max's new book, Internal Family Systems Therapy for Gay and Queer Men: A Companion for After Coming Out, launched the morning we recorded this conversation.
His work centers on attachment, attunement, cultural burdens, and the relational impact of trauma — especially for gay and queer men who are still healing the parts shaped by growing up without safety, guidance, or representation.
We talk about why this book matters, the parts that continue to carry burden even after coming out, and the places where Queer identity, family dynamics, and IFS meet.
"Unburdening offers an opportunity to reclaim a personal embodied sense of spirituality, one that honors our inherent worth and belonging."
Max shares his own story of growing up without language for his identity, the isolation he felt as a teen, and how those experiences shaped his clinical work. He describes a part he calls "teen without guidance," and the insight that came from recognizing how much that part still needed care.
Together, we explore:
What coming out doesn't automatically heal
The "teen without guidance" part and why it matters
How cultural, religious, and family burdens live in the system
The longing for belonging and its impact on relationships
How IFS helps gay and queer men reclaim sexuality, connection, and choice
The role of community, experimentation, and attunement in healing
The challenge of navigating adulthood with fewer developmental and relational experiences than many same-aged peers received
Be sure to check out Max's blog that I keep hearing so much about.
And don't miss my extended interview with Max over on Substack for paid subscribers.
About Max Littman
Max Littman is an IFS therapist, consultant, and writer based in Oakland. He works at the crossroads of Queer healing, trauma recovery, and attachment. His debut book, Internal Family Systems Therapy for Gay and Queer Men, is available now. Learn more or connect with him at maxlittman.com.
This episode is sponsored by the Unblend.me web app. You know those moments between sessions when something comes up and you need a gentle nudge to pause, slow down and go inside? The Unblend app helps you do just that. It's IFS informed, HIPAA compliant, and guides you through checking in with your parts to calm your nervous system. Learn more and try it for free at Unblend.me
I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Seven years later, that's still at the heart of all we do.
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