A National EpidemicWhat I'm about to share with you is a problem of National consequence. I'm not exaggerating! Producing this podcast, acting as Club President, and coaching, I tend to be reaching out and connecting with a lot of people. I'm hearing the same story from all corners of my world. Bad sideline behavior is a having a crushing effect on youth sports! What is Bad Sideline Behavior?Bad sideline behavior is typically rooted in good intention, fueled by emotion, unsupported by education, and has a negative impact on the development environment we're trying to deliberately create. Rooted in good intention: I don't think any parent or coach wakes up on the morning of a game and sets out to ruin the game environment. They might wake up with a mixture of excitement and/or anxiety. They want the kids to do well. They hope for a positive outcome. Fueled by emotion: it's not rational for a fully grown adult to open their mouth as wide as it will go, to spray spit on the grass and spectators in front of them, and scream "KNOCK HIM DOWN!" at the top of their lungs - as if anything less will result in a gory death of a loved one on the battlefield. Yet, we find fully grown adults doing this every single season. Unsupported by education: For me, adults who exhibit bad sideline behavior have a big red strobe beacon flashing over their head with a siren that screams "I'm not educated!," "I don't know why we're here!," and "No-one ever taught me how to properly support my kid!!" It's like walking into a fine dining restaurant wearing flip flops and no t-shirt. A part of me feels embarrassed for them and really wants to help, but I realize that in the heat of the moment, there aren't a lot of brain cells functioning right then. If I address an issue in the moment, I have to speak to the amygdala. The rational person inside is still at home - hopefully listening to this podcast!It has a negative impact: We typically talk about negative impact in terms of what it does to the kids. There is no doubt in my mind that negative sideline behavior affects kids is really bad ways:It slows down kid's thinking. Kids make an average of 2 decisions per second in a game. When they have to process instructions or criticism from the sidelines, they literally slow down. It teaches kids that their environment is not a safe one to make mistakes inIt makes kids overly critical of their own and other's performancethumbs-downIt gives kids negative examples to follow (they will end up doing the same thing to their own kids)thumbs-downIt sucks fun from the game like a black hole sucking planets form the cosmosthumbs-downIt teaches kids it's okay to bullythumbs-downIt overwhelms kid's experience - forcing them to pay attention to yelling and screaming vs one another and having fun with friendsthumbs-downI could go on!!It could be argued that even if you don't give a hoot about developing kids and you're focused entirely on winning games (not something that we promote at The Soccer Sidelines), that the following sideline behaviors are not helpful. They are distracting to players, detracting from their ability to play the game, and ultimately have the opposite effect from the way they were intended. From CoachesJoystickingBeing a bullyCheatingcheckYelling at or being critical of officialscheckMaking the game about the coachcheckNot being supportivecheckUsing foul or inappropriate language or body languagecheck Allowing parents to coach the kids from the other sideFrom ParentsYelling InstructionsYelling at other kidsWaiving arms and pacing up and down the sidelinescheckYelling at or being critical of officialscheckUsing foul or inappropriate language and/or body languagecheckApproaching playerscheckSitting on the wrong side of the fieldcheckTalking with kids after the game and criticizing coaches, officials, and/or other players Bad Behavior Further DefinedCoaches Joysticking: Joystick coaches, it is said, imagine themselves as master manipulators of their team. They fancy their job is to tell players where to be and when to be there. Using their voice like a joystick, they will yell instructions to go there, be here, do this or that! The time for this (if there is ever a time for this) is in practice. Kids are in a game environment trying to apply the lessons they've hopefully learned during practice. Kids will learn better by figuring out the problem themselves. They must be free to experiment, make mistakes, and adjust. Joysticking shuts down kid's brains. They stop thinking for themselves and start tuning in to the coach instead. The coach isn't on the field and can not adjust 11 kids at game-speed. Best not to try. Either coach from the bench, use your voice to keep the energy positive, remind the entire team of a play (this needs to be baked into practice), and/or ask meaningful questions. Parents Yelling Instructions: If you're a parent and want to coach, go get a license and coach. The process is not hard and many clubs help to pay for this. If you do, you'll quickly discover through the coaching education process that there is a difference between a playing skills set and a coaching skill set (former players need to pay attention to this one), that instructions coming from two directions are often countermanding one another and confusing to kids on the field, that the coach usually has a plan for the entire team that may require a kid to do something a parent doesn't want them to, and that parents rarely know the game well enough to be giving any instruction at all - let alone instruction that is specific enough to be useful or fitting with the team strategy for a given game. Coaches Being a Bully: I truly hope that you never have to experience this, but I have unfortunately. "You're the reason we lost the game today!!" <--I actually heard this coming out of a man's mouth. This guy was coaching a team though an indoor game a couple of years ago. The kids left so demoralized that i sincerely doubt they all came back. Other jewels from bully coaches include "Wake up out there!," "What's wrong with you?!," and "Why are you being an idiot?" Yes... I've actually heard all of the above and it makes me sad. Don't think it's limited to soccer either. Bad coaches are everywhere!Yelling at Other Kids: I was helping to put on a tournament last year and struck up a conversation with a parent and assistant coach on the sidelines. They relayed a story that happened the night before: parents from the opposing team were reportedly drinking in the parking lot before the game. During the game, they became loud and obnoxious. One of the girls trapped the ball with her chest during the game and the move hurt her. She called to her coach for a break during the next rotation. Parents from "team obnoxious" yelled "What Chest?!" - apparently alluding to the idea that this young girl did not have large breasts. Yeah... I was furious.In another example (I have dozens of these), a young boy took a pretty hard hit to the side of his head. He dropped to a knee immediately from the force or the blow. He stayed down for a moment while he was trying to regain his bearings. I heard loud a clear a father from the opposing team bellowing "Next time, KNOCK HIM OUT!" Yeah... I was disgusted. Coaches Cheating: There are a number of ways for coaches to cheat if they are so inclined. Teaching kids to fake injuries (love this one for teaching integrity), for example, is something I've seen pretty regularly. Last season, I caught a coach putting an unregistered player on the field. He actually had two unregistered players on the field, but I didn't let on that I knew that. I asked him about the one player and he agreed to remove him right away. I asked if there were any others and this coach said "no." I talked with the young man who got pulled and told him that we would love to have him play, but that he couldn't play unless he was properly registered and covered by insurance. He understood and everyone seemed okay. I found out later that the coach put the benched kid back in the game as soon as I left. The second player stayed on the field. The lesson that was taught to the players and the parents as a result of this coach's action was exactly the opposite of what we want our kids to learn. It's okay to cheat and to ignore authorities. It's okay to not respect the integrity of the game or of the club your part of. And it's okay to put the organization you play for at risk. Again... I was not happy. Yelling At or Being Critical of Officials:This one is killing youth sports in many ways and is probably one of the most prolific forms of bad sideline behavior I see every week. Referees are going to miss calls and make bad calls. That's life. 22 sets of parents and 2 coaches are all going to have different perspectives and different levels of understanding of the game. The simple fact is this: The referee is in charge and calling the game. I've tried to referee friendly games myself. This is an unbelievably difficult thing to do - and I know the game pretty well. View angles, fitness levels, game dynamics... it all plays a role in how an official is going to call a game. If a referee senses that a game is waxing aggressive, for example, he or she may do things to redirect the energy and settle the game. A call made by a referee on one place on the field may not be visible to a person watching from the sidelines. And don't even get me started on making offside rulings... Most people don't truly even know what this is - or all four conditions that need to exist for a foul to have occurred. If you're interested, check out episode #18 - The Offside Rule Explained. As President of a Maryland State sanctioned club, I either attend the annual Maryland State Youth Soccer Association Annual General Meeting (MSYSA AGM) every year, or get fined. So I was sitting in the audience two weeks ago when the State Commissioner for our Referee associations got up to speak.
