Reuben Johnson is one half of FlyDuo, a husband-and-wife team behind the pleasure-forward platform SexTech n' Chill, originally from the suburbs of Boston where growing up in a strict religious environment meant sex education was mostly abstinence, shame and silence.
In this episode we talk about purity culture, abstinence-only sex education and how religious messaging around sex can leave people completely unprepared for real intimacy. We get into the science behind pleasure, why nervous system regulation matters in the bedroom, the myth of "think about baseball" when people struggle with performance anxiety, and how honest conversations about sex can actually help protect people from harm. We also talk about building a pleasure-centered relationship, the work Reuben and his wife are doing with SexTech n' Chill, and why comprehensive sex education is still so controversial in the United States.
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Where to find Reuben:
SexTech n' Chill: https://sextechnchill.com
FlyDuo: https://xoflyduo.com
Instagram: @sextechnchill
YouTube: @SexTechNChill
Where to find Arielle:
Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck
Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck
Love jewelry that doubles as a vibrator? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle
Episode Cheat Sheet
02:10 Museum of Sex panel and meeting other sex educators
04:02 Consent, body language and what animals teach us about boundaries
08:36 Trauma responses, fawning and reading nonverbal cues
11:05 Nervous system regulation, anxiety and grounding techniques
15:02 Communication, emotional safety and better sex
19:11 Performance anxiety and why "think about baseball" is terrible sex advice
22:05 Vulnerability, trust and sexual confidence in relationships
24:40 Growing up in Boston and avoiding sex education conversations
26:40 Religious purity culture and sexual shame
29:10 The first real sex education class in high school
31:03 Condoms, lube and the basics abstinence-only programs skip
33:28 Why abstinence-only sex education leaves people unprepared
34:15 Dr. Joycelyn Elders and the fight for comprehensive sex education
36:01 Why pleasure and eroticism challenge systems of control
41:00 Social media censorship and the fight for online sex education
46:54 Porn history, kink and the evolution of sexuality
52:20 Wedding night sex after purity culture
55:50 Building Sex Tech & Chill and pleasure-centered relationships
