This topic was brought to my attention by "Mary" of Houston. So thank you Mary!
She sent me a recent article from "The Atlantic". The article was about quitting.
I have a lot of opinions about this subject as it has been a major dilemma I've repeatedly faced in my life.
I grew up developing many ideas about quitting.
Sayings like:
"Winners never quit and quitters never win." Or "only a coward quits." Or "there should be no quit in you". "once a quitter always a quitter." "Quitting is easy and the more you do it the easier it gets."
Yes there are many metaphors and programmed thoughts about "quitting."
But I was always a little torn regarding these ideas, because can't quitting be a good thing.
Examples:
An alcoholic who quits drinking.
A smoker who quits smoking.
Or an athlete who is good at many sports but quits some to focus his talent and effort on just one or two.
I mean really if one were to never quit, then we would have a very difficult time progressing as individuals with talents and goals. Quitting one thing allows us to focus more intently on something else. So, there are times where quitting is necessary for improvement.
But once again it all depends on the context.
What are you quitting?
Why are you quitting?
These are the questions that seem more important than whether or not someone is willing to quit.
Some things are obvious like smoking or drinking. Some are less obvious like obsessing over email or social media. Some are truly significant but go unrecognized like watching television.
I would argue these are all great things to quit for many adults.
But what about kids. Should kids be allowed to quit? This was the topic The Atlantic article addressed.
Below is the article:
My quote to revise her final one was:
God grant him the serenity to persevere regarding things that do him good, and the courage to quit the things that do him no good, and the wisdom to know the difference.
While I don't want to be hyperbolic about this author's attitude and his affects on his son, I do think that this attitude about quitting in general is changing in our American culture.
As Dennis Prager has often noted "We live in the age of feelings." Thanks to his generation, the youth of the sixties have developed a cultural age whose behavior is rooted in how they feel about something. It's like we live in the Anti-vulcan world. If Vulcan, a world based on reason and logic supposedly, were to have a counter part... Earth could be it... Maybe we would be called "Nacluv"...
But here's the point. Letting your emotions or how you feel about something guide your decisions about whether or not you should quit is foolish. It is foolish because it presumes that if you don't enjoy something then you shouldn't do it. No one, except a fool, would adhere to that. Even if I were to modify the idea, and say it is foolish to presume that if you experience more pain than pleasure in something... then you should not do it. This is beyond foolish or childlike thinking... it is the thinking of a bratty narcissist.
As I have stated in other podcasts, the important question is not "how do I feel about this or that?"
The important questions really are: "How does this affect me?" "Does it do good?" "Does it contribute?" "How does it do good or contribute?" "How does it fit in to my human needs?"
1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others
Figure this out to figure out whether or not you should, or perhaps must, quit.
Let me close by mentioning a pet peeve that comes up on occasion regarding this topic. Just because you "LOVE" something does not mean you should continue doing it, and it is a mistake to focus all of your attention, time, and resources towards something that you are simply not good at and yet love.
The notion that people should relentlessly pursue what they love or they are passionate about is also foolish.
Take the movie "Rudy" for example.
I'm sure you've seen it. It's a movie that everybody loves (as do I, but I had an issue with the premise.) The movie is based on the real life of Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger and his saga with Notre Dame football. Rudy is a small guy with big dreams. His whole life is focused on playing football for Notre Dame but of course there is hardly any chance for his dreams to come to fruition. Rudy eventually earns a spot as a tackling dummy for the team. He shows up everyday with a can do attitude, and smash-cut to the end of the movie where Rudy finally gets to a chance to play and does so gloriously. The team carries him off on their shoulders triumphantly.
Morals of the story: Never quit. Dream big. Exercise your indomitable spirit as an underdog. If you dream it you can achieve it...
Poppycock. I argue that Rudy would have been better served by focusing on what he was naturally good at and what would do him the most good. Maybe he would have been a great writer or mathematician or engineer... but instead Rudy focused his college career on a sport he would never play professional (and that is what college was supposed do... teach you the skills and knowledge necessary for becoming an effective professional.) In preparing for this show my suspicions of what happened with his life after Notre Dame were confirmed. As I has guessed, he went on to be a motivational speaker. But unfortunately in 2011 Rudy found himself in trouble with the SEC as he was charged with stock fraud.
Another example is what I call the American Idol syndrome. People really think they can sing or perform and focus their entire life on it... only to be told "you are no good..." (and they aren't)... But unfortunately these kids who are desperate for fame have heard the stories of success from the resilient artist or actress who preaches that "no matter what pursue your dreams and you too can be an American idol." No! You cannot! Get real. Get honest with yourself. And if you know one of these youths, be honest with them before they build false hopes, and lose their dignity on national television. Parents should be focused more on telling their kids the truth about the kid's lack of talent, rather than being so concerned about hurting their kid's feelings. Their feelings are going to be hurt either way! So do what it right. You are raising adults. Teach them to not focus on a fantasy.
It's ridiculous. No. If you have little to no talent, then pursue things that are in your wheelhouse. Try new things and figure out where you exhibit the most talent and do that. Among the things that you seem predisposed to be naturally good at, figure out which ones will do you the most good (i.e. health, money, education, etc.) Also, figure out among the things you are good at - which are most likely to become great at. FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS!
Do what you are good at. Focus your time and resources on that and become great at it. Get fascinated with your talents (they are gifts from God.) Have many passions. Many hobbies. But focus on what will do the most good.
And stop relying on your feelings as a guide for success or happiness.
In real life, happiness is not just an emotion... it's a decision. And success is found by doing good (for yourself and others) and hopefully also doing well financially. Neither are based on a feeling. Both are based on goodness.
