UI 046: Choosing, Losing, and Doing Religion

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: Diogenes in Search of An Honest Man

In a previous episode (UI 032) I dealt with religion and spirituality. And that was more about pointing out the benefits of religiosity in response to the notion that spirituality is all that is necessary (or perhaps better than religion.)

This weeks topic is different though. What if you don't have religion and you are seeking one out? Where do you start? How do you choose?

Or what if you are losing your religion? Your faith and spirituality may be intact, but your opinion of your religion is diminishing.

Or may be you say you are part of a religion, yet do nothing religious in your life?

These are the questions I have been working on this last week. And here is why...

Last week (4/4/14) on The Dennis Prager's Show a caller called in to ask Dennis a question on his "Open Lines Hour".

*The snippet from the Dennis Prager Show is on the Ultimate Issues Podcast 046.

Subscribe to Pragertopia to download the Dennis Prager Show. It's among the most rewarding ways you can spend $5 a month.

Basically the caller is having a very hard time finding a perfect religion. He's 48 years old and has been searching, but never been able to find one he fully agrees with.

Of course, Dennis responds with kindness, wisdom, and clarity. Dennis first commends his caller for actively searching. Then he wisely tells his caller:

"The only religion you will fully agree with will be the one you make up." ~ Dennis Prager

Exactly!!! Bravo!!!

So often people get hung up on something not perfectly meeting their standards or expectations, and rather than settling for good enough... they settle for nothing.

Quick aside... This notion of "never settling" is moronic and destructive. We must settle. Either we are settling for good enough (i.e. momentarily satisfactory) or we settle for nothing or I suppose some people settle for terrible, but thats is still somehow satisfying them I suppose. Anyway, those are your choices in life. We rarely if ever get to choose between perfect or beyond our expectations and pretty good. There is always an issue! And when things exceed your expectations, be EXTREMELY grateful and thank God - your are blessed and lucky!

Back to Prager's point.

"The only religion you will fully agree with will be the one you make up."

Brilliant point! And at that point, you are engaging in a religion of one (because no one else will fully agree your religion... they too will have to make up there own.) So you are back to just being spiritual.

Without the standards that can only be fulfilled through religion, you will be left creating your own rules and standards. And they may be fine, and you may be a good person who creates good rules and standards for yourself. But rare is the person who can hold themselves accountable and take an honest inventory of their behavior and how it corresponds with their own rules.

Look at how easy it is for people to justify, rationalize, and lie to themselves even with a religious book (like the bible) and with a community (like a church) and with leadership (like a minister). How much easier would it be to bend your own rules, justify violating your own prohibition, or excuse yourself from adhering to your own obligations!

Good religions should produce good people. So if you are confused or disenchanted by the world's major religions practice, doctrines, or theology... Then just ask yourself which seem produce the most goodness?

Which religions seem to help people overcome their evil inclinations?

Which religions seem to help people treat others (and "the other") with kindness, decency, and respect?

Which religions seem to produce the kind of person you would like to become?

Study the religions and religious communities that are available to you and judge for yourself how they perform based on the people who practice that particular religion. Then ask the people why they are what they are (Methodist, Baptist, Reform Jew, Orthodox Jew, Catholic, Muslim, etc.). Ask them if someone else should become a part of their religion? Why and why not?

Now in general, my first advice is for folks to explore the religion of their family or the religion they grew up with. But... If you have really examined your root religion as an adult already. And if you have earnestly done your root religion religion recently... and it just does not fit you, then do what I am talking about. Study, shop, and compare other religions.

People spend more time and effort researching their next car, than they do their religious affiliation or place of worship. I'm a comparative shopper in most aspects. Actually I am particularly so regarding the big issues and major purchases. Small stuff not so much. I have noticed that many folks are the opposite. The will spend far too much time choosing toothpaste, and not nearly enough time finding a good roofer or repair shop. They will just use the first one recommended...

No, slow down, breath, and be patient. If you allow yourself to choose a good religion and then do it... you will change your life for the better in ways you cannot currently imagine. A whole new world will be unveiled that you previously did not know existed.

That definitely has been my own experience.

I used to be one of the naysayers of religion.

I believed Bertrand Russell when he wrote:

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines.

I worshipped reason and logic. I thought the religious were committing a form of intellectual suicide. They gave up on understanding the world. But I was the fool.

Science can explain a lot, but it can't explain everything.

The human mind can understand a lot, but not everything.

But more perplexing were the questions of morality, values, and why are we here?

Good religion is here to teach us how to treat each other, why we are here, and how we are to behave while we are here.

Science can't do that. It is not science's role to do so. Science has it's very important role and religion has another very important role. Good science should value truth. Good religion should value truth. They should be able to coexist peacefully, and perhaps (if anything) help each other rather than contradict each other.

Eistein said:

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.

And MLK, Jr. said:

Science investigates religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power religion gives man wisdom which is control.

My attitude shifted tremendously when I began studying extremely good and intelligent people who utilized their minds to argue the values of good religion. People like Maimonides, Heschel, CS Lewis, GK Chesterton, and obviously Dennis Prager have heavily influenced my ideas about the role and benefits of religion.

And then it was Jacob Milgrom and his Torah commentaries (Leviticus primarily) that really got me convinced that this is not some modern dilemma (man vs. religion).

Since the dawn of my own religion Judaism, God knew that a religion of one does little to no good for the one, let alone the world. So when He set out to to create a people who were to be religious God gave us many rules, rituals, guidelines, and purpose. All these help to refine the person, and because it is codified it can be passed from one generation to the next and to any new people who are interested in joining. There was nothing hidden or secretive or mysterious. Quite the contrary. The Torah is extremely open about the foibles of the people, and what God's demands of us as people.

And that really thing I keep coming back to, good religion DEMANDS OF YOU. It demands you behave decent - regardless.

Regardless of your mood or what society thinks is right... good religions are here to set the standards for decency and moral behavior.

Yes there may be rituals you don't like or understand. So what? Rituals are the physical manifestation of an idea of belief (~a Prager line). So rather than you burning calories getting annoyed with prayer or Passover or Easter or Ramadan... figure out the meanings and beliefs that are expressed by the rituals. Focus on the meanings and make them meaningful for you.

As Prager has noted: God poured new wine into old bottles.

And what he meant by this was: In regards to Judaism, we do lots of rituals throughout the day, week, month, and year... and lifecycle events. We are rich with rituals. And yes you could examine them and discover quite easily that often these rituals were likely rooted in ancient pagan ceremony. So what? What matters is that God utilized the rituals that people understood and were accustomed to, Ethical Monotheised them (or Judaised) the practices, and filled the old rituals with new meaning.

Why? What's the big deal with ritual anyway?

Well as I said, all ritual is a physical expression of an idea or belief. So if you want to perpetuate the idea or belief, it would be wise to attach a physical expression to it. If you want to cultivate an idea or belief in a person, again it would be wise to attach a physical expression to it.

We do this in our daily lives and never think about it... partly because it has become to ingrained in the culture we don't feel the need to focus on it. But irrespective of our awareness, the beauty is that the rituals still takes place, and they still have an effect on us.

The most common example is the handshake. It was once a pragmatic way of revealing you were unarmed.

The salute is another example. It originated as a pragmatic movement to raise a knights visor.

Or the bow. It seems to be a universal sign of respect, probably originating from the acts literal lowering of a person in relation to another who is considered superior or deserving of respect.

Ritual is everywhere in your life. You simply may, or may not realize it. It is a natural form of hypnosis. Typically it is referred to as "anchoring". Think of an intense feeling and then do a particular behavior (snap your fingers and clap your hands for example). Repeat this over and over, and do it repeatedly throughout the day for a few days. Before you know it you will simply be able to do the behavior and create the intense feeling in yourself. Why? Because the physical behavior is so strongly associated with the idea that simply the act will create the intense feelings.

Ritual utilizes a very powerful part of the human psyche. Good religions give people rituals to help develop their character, and focus on deeper more meaningful aspects of life.

Yes you could create your own rituals... and some do. But good luck maintaining them alone. It has been my experience that unique spiritual rituals don't last long.

I suppose I should also mention that you could try the ala cart method of religion and cherry pick ideas and lines here and there to formulate you own cafeteria religion. But again, there will be no standard to which you will hold yourself. And it will only be a matter of time until some value you once liked is in conflict with your new mindset. You alone are the author of your "sacred" text, and it's just as dangerous as those who cherry pick the Bible to suit their beliefs.

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.
George Bernard Shaw

Again this where a good religious community helps tremendously.

Feeling religious is not enough. You have to DO religion. And it makes sense that it would help to have a community who does the same religion you do. There is a power and influence that simply cannot be fostered by oneself.

A) You have people to whom you are accountable, and

B) You have people who can amplify your religiosity.

Think of it this way.

Imagine your favorite sports team is in the championship. You could stay home and enjoy watching the game on your big 4k TV, listening to crystal clear surround sound, eating your own good food, and comfortably lounge on your couch. To say the least, this solitary experience has its benefits over driving to the game and sitting in stadium seats.

But what if instead you went to the actual game where your team was playing in the championship. Despite the hassle of traffic, or the hard plastic seats, or the public restrooms... how much more intense and enjoyable would that experience be for you in the final analysis.

Sure you may stand up and cheer at home, but it would nothing like what you would do were you at the game and had all the other fans around you cheering as well.

That is what a good religious community can be like. There is a tremendous power in having a people to who share similar values, beliefs, and practices as you. The simple addition of like minded human souls to your experiences will heighten them and amplify them in ways that solitude can never do.

Why?

Well I'll end on this.

Good religion will fulfill all over your six human needs.

The Six Human Needs (as taught by Tony Robbins)

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure

2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli

3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed

4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something

5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding

6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

And the truth is that you could do your own thing and maybe fulfill the first three. But you will likely run into issues with the last three. And particularly the last two.

Good religion and a good religious community helps us grow and contribute in subtle yet profound ways. In fact, I think many people lose track of it, because so many others are growing and contributing right along with you. A good religion should cultivate a culture of growth and contribution because these last two needs are truly spiritual needs.

If you try to be an island unto yourself religiously, then it may unfortunately result in you finding unwise ways to fulfill these needs.

Good religion offers the wisdom, guidance, and opportunities to fulfill these needs so that you and others benefit.

So go out there and start shopping, questioning, and doing the religion whose produces the most fruits of goodness.

God bless.

A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair.
Abraham Joshua Heschel

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The Six Human Needs (as taught by Tony Robbins)

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