One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re harsh, rigid, or mean, and that they damage intimacy. In fact, boundaries can absolutely be expressed in a gentle way. And that’s exactly what I’m going to talk about in detail today! I’ll share six easy and specific ways that you can express a limit gently.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #103:
- Sometimes we go from one extreme to another, going from struggling to say “no” to saying “no” frequently or in a way that’s difficult for other people to hear.
- Here are six ways you can express a limit gently:
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- “Thanks, but I can’t.” (Then stop talking!)
- “That is so kind of you! But I can’t accept/do that today.”
- “I understand. I’m not able to do that.” Or, “I understand, but I can’t.” (Use this when you’re getting pushback or feeling baited.)
- “I hear you” or “I hear that.” (Use this when you’ve previously said “no” to the same request.)
- “Thanks for the opportunity. I’m not available, but I hope your event is fabulous!”
- “That’s a generous offer, but I’m not able to accept it. I’ll pass, but thank you so much.”
- Even though these responses are gentle, the recipient may still tell you that you’re being harsh. Your gentleness doesn’t guarantee a certain response.
Highlights from Episode #103:
- Vicki welcomes listeners to the episode and introduces its topic: whether boundaries can be gentle. She also shares a story from Sheri Winston, who was previously on the podcast. [00:39]
- It’s common to go from one extreme to the other, Vicki explains. [03:52]
- We hear what it sounds like when we haven’t found ways to express boundaries gently. [08:11]
- Vicki shares the first four of her strategies for expressing boundaries in a gentle way. [10:44]
- The recipient of these responses may still say you’re being harsh, Vicki points out, then shares the remaining strategies. [15:11]
- Each of Vicki’s strategies begins with an acknowledgment, and most have appreciation. [18:56]
- Vicki points out that you have no control over how the listener responds. [20:26]
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