This first episode of the month is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. We'll talk about over-giving and how it can damage intimacy in relationships between women and men. Vicki gives us 5 ways ways over-giving can damage intimacy. Tune in!
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #62:
- Men and women are totally different animals, so to speak, so it's unhelpful to assume they see the world the same way.
- Almost 70% of women initiate divorce in heterosexual relationships.
- Women have a habit of over-giving, and that can cause resentments.
- Over-giving can cause a woman to feel like her partner's mother, which is definitely intimacy-destroying, especially in the bedroom.
- If you feel resentment about helping or giving, then don't do it.
- Listen for a direct, explicit question asking for help from your partner, rather than jumping in to assist.
Highlights from Episode #62:
- Welcome back to the show! Today’s episode is dedicated to women and boundaries — specifically how over-giving sabotages intimacy in relationships with men. [01:14]
- Vicki clarifies she's speaking primarily about heterosexual relationships but gay and lesbian relationships may be impacted in similar ways, depending on the masculine/feminine polarity in their relationship. [01:30]
- In the simplest terms, boundaries are about staying on your side of the street. [01:52]
- Have you ever gone further than you intended to go when helping someone? [02:29]
- In relationships women tend to want to be heard [04:31]
- There is a clear gender difference in terms of who initiates couples therapy and even divorce. [06:35]
- A 2009 - 2015 study showed that almost 70% of women in heterosexual relationships initiated divorce. [07:15]
- When women give advice to a man, it can damage intimacy. [09:04]
- A man will tend to look for ways to be a hero to the woman he loves. [09:46]
- Women have a habit of over-giving, and when they do they wind up with resentments. [14:24]
- If a man feels like he can never please you or get it right, he may withdraw or put up walls. [16:23]
- When your husband perceives you as a mother, that can definitely cause intimacy issues. [18:44]
- Vicki says instead of over-giving you can pay attention to your self care, and don’t give or help unless you can do so without a cost to you. [20:43]
- Notice your thoughts when you are tempted to give or help — if you feel resentful you probably should decline giving help. [21:59]
- Look for a direct or explicit question to determine if your male partner truly wants your help. [25:24]
- Go back and listen to episodes 34 and 45 about over giving if you would like more information on this topic. [26:59]
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