Welcome to the Bumperpodcast, the uproarious improvised comedy podcast set in the whimsical world of Coffee-Can Alley! In this hilarious episode, beloved characters Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Aloysius J. Pig, and Doodle Poodle are in for a wild ride as they welcome the quirky and tech-savvy cousin of Producer, Engineer. Brace yourself for laughter as Robot makes a memorable return, adding to the comedic chaos that unfolds.
Just when you think things can’t get any wackier, the confusion reaches a new level when Natty unexpectedly stops by at the end of the episode. As the gang navigates through a series of unpredictable and humorous situations, you’re in for an entertaining rollercoaster of laughter and confusion. Don’t miss out on the fun and adventure in this unscripted and laugh-out-loud episode of the Bumperpodcast!
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In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Producer brings in his cousin Engineer to help fix the podcast equipment that hasn't worked since being recovered. Things get hilariously complicated when Aloysious J. Pig demands to understand the bizarre frog naming convention system in Producer's swamp, leading to an absurd argument about bagels. Engineer accidentally plugs in Robot, who had been intentionally unplugged, and Rufus T. Rufus inadvertently makes Robot cry when explaining the situation. Meanwhile, Doodle Poodle tries to make sense of everyone's strange behavior, and Pig keeps threatening to call Rufus "Mr. Bagel" despite his heated protests. The episode showcases the show's signature improvisational chaos and character dynamics.
“Well, it kind of depends because as an engineer is just telling you, like when he was born, he was called a producer, but then they had to look and they found they'd produced, I was already a producer.”
— Producer
“You can call me bagel one more time, producer. I'm going to talk. We're going to have a talk.”
— Aloysious J. Pig
“I haven't been here in a long, long, long time. But I heard you were talking about bagels.”
— Robot
Topics: #equipmentmalfunction #family #namingconventions #bagels #workplacecomedy #technology #miscommunication #frogs
Featuring: Producer, Doodle Poodle, Aloysious J. Pig, Robot, Natty Bumpercar
Producer: so you know i don't want to talk about it too much but we do have a bit of a situation here you know it's kind of serious and i feel you know it's kind of uh hey producer it's me doodle poodle
Doodle Poodle: i just wanted to talk to you let's see what's going on because everybody's acting kind of weird
Producer: yeah i guess i do agree with everybody's second first round you know what is going on and how everybody's acting and it's it's i don't i don't really have much of the background but you know it's kind of a little bit yeah what do you do producer you know you can't say that word you
Aloysious J. Pig: know it's gonna oh come on a second oh it's like it's like bees to honey somebody you okay so just forget forget you heard forget you heard anything okay we're just trying to i don't know we're getting the equipment back set up we're trying to figure these things out because all the you know the the plugs and the dials and the bells and the the the the the the belts there's bells and there's belts and uh nothing's working it seems yeah so ever since we got the equipment back
Producer: nothing is a is a has been uh working and so i actually uh if you don't mind i apologize but i brought my cousin in and he's gonna i think maybe do a little bit of help with us
Aloysious J. Pig: we're getting everything i said well now i hope we don't do we have a contract with this cousin of yours do we have to pay any kind of uh anything you know because i don't know if we have uh any money in the coffers and not to be uh hiring outside help is what i'm trying to say yeah you
Doodle Poodle: know i don't think we're supposed to hire any because we don't nobody does anybody get paid here nobody gets paid here do they please to please tell me nobody gets paid i i've never gotten paid
Producer: hi everybody it's me i am a engineer i am a producer's cousin it's wonderful to meet all of
Aloysious J. Pig: you what in the world is going on in that swamp is everybody just like uh you're a producer so you're gonna be a producer you're an engineer so you're gonna be an engineer and how does that because it seems like it gets confusing because somebody says oh hey hey it's you your name is engineer and then you don't get confused are you gonna be like uh a choo-choo uh on the train engineer are you going to be you know how does this all work well you know these a lot of frogs
Producer: you know the ted pose and every season there's a there's really a big number of us frogs that they're kind of coming to the world and so the only way they figured out how to make it make any scenes at all was if they were like okay you know what this this one's going to be a baker so we're going to call him baker and then this one over here is going to be um really good at the drums and so we're going to call him drum drummer drummer i guess drummer yeah and so you know just to kind of keep everything up okay okay hell what what producer said is true um so i um was was born and was called producer wait a minute and uh it didn't work out because my cousin yeah he was already producing and so then they changed me over to be an engineer what can i help you with uh
Aloysious J. Pig: wow your your speech patterns have they are they're very interesting now uh what i'm trying to figure out here so if i was a little tadpole and i was a frog and i was i was i was i was born i sit Y'all are born, is that how it works?
Producer: Yeah, of course we're born, of course, yes. You know, that works, okay?
Aloysious J. Pig: So if I'm born, do I already have my hat on? Do I already know all the legalese? Are they just going to call, you know, Frog Rufus? Are they just going to call me a lawyer or something like that?
Producer: Well, it kind of depends because as an engineer is just telling you, like when he was born, he was called a producer, but then they had to look and they found they'd produced, I was already a producer. So what we do is, you know, if you were born and there's no lawyer, then, you know, you could be the lawyer. But if there's a lawyer, then you're not the lawyer, okay? You could become, I don't know, like Mr. Bagel. You make the bagel. They go, I love bagel. You go, okay, I guess I'm going to make the bagel.
Aloysious J. Pig: That don't make no sense. I don't even, I don't even, I don't even, I don't understand bagels. I don't like bagels and I just, I refuse. I don't want to be bagel. You ain't going to call me bagel. You can call me bagel one more time, producer. I'm going to talk. We're going to have a talk. Settle down, big guy. Settle down, okay? Nobody's calling you bagel. And that was just a scenario that producer was trying to explain to you that if there was already a lawyer, then he just kind of came up with a random thing. Also, what is your problem with bagels? I don't understand. What's your beef, huh? What's your damage, huh? What's getting your blood hot, huh? I can't think of any other answer.
Producer: That's all I got. I was just looking. I was looking because I was communicating and evidently we don't currently have a bagel man. So, you know, if you do want to be a bagel, then you can be a bagel, I suppose.
Aloysious J. Pig: I don't, why are we even still talking about that? I was told that that was a scenario that was made up just to expose, a situation, structure that is inevitable and equitable in frog land. And I'm not a frog. And I am, I'm Rufus, T. Rufus. I'm a lawyer, clearly, a man of the law. I am a book learned and ready to go into a courtroom and assert myself. But I, again, I do not like bagels. Oh, come on. And I would not appreciate. Y'all calling me a bagel. All right. And I just do not do it. All right. Cool. So I guess we're not going to call you bagel. Okay. But what I don't, what I've never heard anyone get so agitated, so angry about a bagel. Like, what is your problem? Bagels are delicious. Do you know how many flavors they come in and how much stuff you can put on those flavors? I mean, it's, it's, it's limitless is what I'm saying. And, oh, whoa. There's like crisps. They're kind of, you know, hot on the outside where they boil them. And then on the inside, they're just so warm and just delicious. And are you kidding me?
Robot: Hey, everybody. It's me, Robot. I haven't been here in a long, long, long time. But I heard you were talking about bagels.
Producer: Wait, wait. No, no. Stop. Somebody likes a bagel. You're a specialist. You're supposed to be unplugged, Robot. Who, who, who, who de-unplugged you? Who plugged you in and who, why, who, who woke the robot up is what I'm saying. Now, I may have, might have, could have been the one to plug him back in, you know? But why would, you can't just go, you're, why you can't just go around plugging robots in and all this random stuff. You know, we have a set list of things. We have a set list of things that we do need help with, all the podcast equipment. But I, why are you, you can't just plug in all this, like a robot, and you don't even know anything about these robots, right? All I know is that I'm an engineer, and I saw a piece of machinery right over there, and it was evidently not working. And so I said, you know, I think I see how to fix this. And then I just plugged it in, and look at this, all of a sudden. We have ourselves a little robot now, don't we?
Robot: Oh, we sure do. Thank you so much, engineer. I wish you were here the whole time. Because then, I would have been working this whole time, and I would have been on the podcast.
Aloysious J. Pig: Now listen, I'm not saying we're, like, on a strike system, or demerit, or whatever. But that has to be one strike. Against your cousin, producer, because… Well, I, hold on, I can, uh… With all due respect, robot, uh, we, I don't, I can't even say it. No, that's not a, that's not an issue, that's not a problem for me, because I can say it. As the steward of this headquarters here in Coffee Can Alley, as the, uh, the lawyer here at Bumper Podcast, you know, I'm… Here to tell you, robot, that, uh, well, um, you were unplugged intentionally, and, uh, you know, without this engineer frog coming in, I don't know if you would have been plugged back in. I, I don't even understand.
Robot: Why, why would you do that? I thought everybody liked me. I thought that the Bumper Podcast was a nice place where everybody…
Aloysious J. Pig: Great job, Rufus. Great, great, great, great, great job. That's like six greats. You made the robot cry. And you know what happens when robots cry? Now I gotta go get the oil can so it doesn't rust up. So, I, I'll be back, but this is… Okay. You know what? It is what it is. Okay. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Um, what's going on? Pig? Where, where are you headed? It's a long story. Robot's back. Uh, this is engineer, producer's cousin or something, and, uh, Rufus made robot cry, and then there's tears, which means… That you have to go get the oil can. I totally understand.
Unknown: Hi, daddy.
Aloysious J. Pig: Hi, robot. How's it going?
Doodle Poodle: Oh, if we're saying hi, it's, hi, daddy. It's me, the little fool. I haven't seen you in a long time. What'd you like for me to make you… Hi, doodle poodle.
Aloysious J. Pig: Wow, we have, uh, everyone here, huh? We've got doodle poodle. We've got robot there. Hi, Rufus. Yeah, I don't think it's in my best interest to say hello, to say anything anymore in this, this particular hanging out episode, whatever we're doing, because, uh, you know, uh, oh, the robot's crying. Oh, Rufus is, you know, he's a, he's a, he's a Mr. Bagel. What? I don't even want to be part of nothing, okay? Wow. Oh, well, okay. Um, wait. We're, we're calling you Mr. Bagel now?
Producer: No, you know, under frog law, you know, he is, he's already a lawyer, and so, you know, we're gonna be, he's gonna officially be Mr. Bagel. Who are, who are you again? Ah, nothing. This is my, uh, cousin. He's an engineer. He's going to help me with some of his equipment and whatnot.
Aloysious J. Pig: Now, did somebody say something about frog law? I don't know nothing about no frog law. Well, great. It looks like we're in another predicament, and all this talk about bagels has me starving.
Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded. Mixed and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. And hearts. See you soon.
Unknown: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.
Robot: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Bumper Podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed it, please subscribe to our channel, like us on Facebook, and leave a comment. And if you want to see more of our past episodes, visit our website, nattybumpercar.com.
Unknown: We'll see you next time. Bye for now.
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
Producer: so you know i don't want to talk about it too much but we do have a bit of a situation here you know it's kind of serious and i feel you know it's kind of uh hey producer it's me doodle poodle
Doodle Poodle: i just wanted to talk to you let's see what's going on because everybody's acting kind of weird
Producer: yeah i guess i do agree with everybody's second first round you know what is going on and how everybody's acting and it's it's i don't i don't really have much of the background but you know it's kind of a little bit yeah what do you do producer you know you can't say that word you
Aloysious J. Pig: know it's gonna oh come on a second oh it's like it's like bees to honey somebody you okay so just forget forget you heard forget you heard anything okay we're just trying to i don't know we're getting the equipment back set up we're trying to figure these things out because all the you know the the plugs and the dials and the bells and the the the the the the belts there's bells and there's belts and uh nothing's working it seems yeah so ever since we got the equipment back
Producer: nothing is a is a has been uh working and so i actually uh if you don't mind i apologize but i brought my cousin in and he's gonna i think maybe do a little bit of help with us
Aloysious J. Pig: we're getting everything i said well now i hope we don't do we have a contract with this cousin of yours do we have to pay any kind of uh anything you know because i don't know if we have uh any money in the coffers and not to be uh hiring outside help is what i'm trying to say yeah you
Doodle Poodle: know i don't think we're supposed to hire any because we don't nobody does anybody get paid here nobody gets paid here do they please to please tell me nobody gets paid i i've never gotten paid
Producer: hi everybody it's me i am a engineer i am a producer's cousin it's wonderful to meet all of
Aloysious J. Pig: you what in the world is going on in that swamp is everybody just like uh you're a producer so you're gonna be a producer you're an engineer so you're gonna be an engineer and how does that because it seems like it gets confusing because somebody says oh hey hey it's you your name is engineer and then you don't get confused are you gonna be like uh a choo-choo uh on the train engineer are you going to be you know how does this all work well you know these a lot of frogs
Producer: you know the ted pose and every season there's a there's really a big number of us frogs that they're kind of coming to the world and so the only way they figured out how to make it make any scenes at all was if they were like okay you know what this this one's going to be a baker so we're going to call him baker and then this one over here is going to be um really good at the drums and so we're going to call him drum drummer drummer i guess drummer yeah and so you know just to kind of keep everything up okay okay hell what what producer said is true um so i um was was born and was called producer wait a minute and uh it didn't work out because my cousin yeah he was already producing and so then they changed me over to be an engineer what can i help you with uh
Aloysious J. Pig: wow your your speech patterns have they are they're very interesting now uh what i'm trying to figure out here so if i was a little tadpole and i was a frog and i was i was i was i was born i sit Y'all are born, is that how it works?
Producer: Yeah, of course we're born, of course, yes. You know, that works, okay?
Aloysious J. Pig: So if I'm born, do I already have my hat on? Do I already know all the legalese? Are they just going to call, you know, Frog Rufus? Are they just going to call me a lawyer or something like that?
Producer: Well, it kind of depends because as an engineer is just telling you, like when he was born, he was called a producer, but then they had to look and they found they'd produced, I was already a producer. So what we do is, you know, if you were born and there's no lawyer, then, you know, you could be the lawyer. But if there's a lawyer, then you're not the lawyer, okay? You could become, I don't know, like Mr. Bagel. You make the bagel. They go, I love bagel. You go, okay, I guess I'm going to make the bagel.
Aloysious J. Pig: That don't make no sense. I don't even, I don't even, I don't even, I don't understand bagels. I don't like bagels and I just, I refuse. I don't want to be bagel. You ain't going to call me bagel. You can call me bagel one more time, producer. I'm going to talk. We're going to have a talk. Settle down, big guy. Settle down, okay? Nobody's calling you bagel. And that was just a scenario that producer was trying to explain to you that if there was already a lawyer, then he just kind of came up with a random thing. Also, what is your problem with bagels? I don't understand. What's your beef, huh? What's your damage, huh? What's getting your blood hot, huh? I can't think of any other answer.
Producer: That's all I got. I was just looking. I was looking because I was communicating and evidently we don't currently have a bagel man. So, you know, if you do want to be a bagel, then you can be a bagel, I suppose.
Aloysious J. Pig: I don't, why are we even still talking about that? I was told that that was a scenario that was made up just to expose, a situation, structure that is inevitable and equitable in frog land. And I'm not a frog. And I am, I'm Rufus, T. Rufus. I'm a lawyer, clearly, a man of the law. I am a book learned and ready to go into a courtroom and assert myself. But I, again, I do not like bagels. Oh, come on. And I would not appreciate. Y'all calling me a bagel. All right. And I just do not do it. All right. Cool. So I guess we're not going to call you bagel. Okay. But what I don't, what I've never heard anyone get so agitated, so angry about a bagel. Like, what is your problem? Bagels are delicious. Do you know how many flavors they come in and how much stuff you can put on those flavors? I mean, it's, it's, it's limitless is what I'm saying. And, oh, whoa. There's like crisps. They're kind of, you know, hot on the outside where they boil them. And then on the inside, they're just so warm and just delicious. And are you kidding me?
Robot: Hey, everybody. It's me, Robot. I haven't been here in a long, long, long time. But I heard you were talking about bagels.
Producer: Wait, wait. No, no. Stop. Somebody likes a bagel. You're a specialist. You're supposed to be unplugged, Robot. Who, who, who, who de-unplugged you? Who plugged you in and who, why, who, who woke the robot up is what I'm saying. Now, I may have, might have, could have been the one to plug him back in, you know? But why would, you can't just go, you're, why you can't just go around plugging robots in and all this random stuff. You know, we have a set list of things. We have a set list of things that we do need help with, all the podcast equipment. But I, why are you, you can't just plug in all this, like a robot, and you don't even know anything about these robots, right? All I know is that I'm an engineer, and I saw a piece of machinery right over there, and it was evidently not working. And so I said, you know, I think I see how to fix this. And then I just plugged it in, and look at this, all of a sudden. We have ourselves a little robot now, don't we?
Robot: Oh, we sure do. Thank you so much, engineer. I wish you were here the whole time. Because then, I would have been working this whole time, and I would have been on the podcast.
Aloysious J. Pig: Now listen, I'm not saying we're, like, on a strike system, or demerit, or whatever. But that has to be one strike. Against your cousin, producer, because… Well, I, hold on, I can, uh… With all due respect, robot, uh, we, I don't, I can't even say it. No, that's not a, that's not an issue, that's not a problem for me, because I can say it. As the steward of this headquarters here in Coffee Can Alley, as the, uh, the lawyer here at Bumper Podcast, you know, I'm… Here to tell you, robot, that, uh, well, um, you were unplugged intentionally, and, uh, you know, without this engineer frog coming in, I don't know if you would have been plugged back in. I, I don't even understand.
Robot: Why, why would you do that? I thought everybody liked me. I thought that the Bumper Podcast was a nice place where everybody…
Aloysious J. Pig: Great job, Rufus. Great, great, great, great, great job. That's like six greats. You made the robot cry. And you know what happens when robots cry? Now I gotta go get the oil can so it doesn't rust up. So, I, I'll be back, but this is… Okay. You know what? It is what it is. Okay. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Um, what's going on? Pig? Where, where are you headed? It's a long story. Robot's back. Uh, this is engineer, producer's cousin or something, and, uh, Rufus made robot cry, and then there's tears, which means… That you have to go get the oil can. I totally understand.
Unknown: Hi, daddy.
Aloysious J. Pig: Hi, robot. How's it going?
Doodle Poodle: Oh, if we're saying hi, it's, hi, daddy. It's me, the little fool. I haven't seen you in a long time. What'd you like for me to make you… Hi, doodle poodle.
Aloysious J. Pig: Wow, we have, uh, everyone here, huh? We've got doodle poodle. We've got robot there. Hi, Rufus. Yeah, I don't think it's in my best interest to say hello, to say anything anymore in this, this particular hanging out episode, whatever we're doing, because, uh, you know, uh, oh, the robot's crying. Oh, Rufus is, you know, he's a, he's a, he's a Mr. Bagel. What? I don't even want to be part of nothing, okay? Wow. Oh, well, okay. Um, wait. We're, we're calling you Mr. Bagel now?
Producer: No, you know, under frog law, you know, he is, he's already a lawyer, and so, you know, we're gonna be, he's gonna officially be Mr. Bagel. Who are, who are you again? Ah, nothing. This is my, uh, cousin. He's an engineer. He's going to help me with some of his equipment and whatnot.
Aloysious J. Pig: Now, did somebody say something about frog law? I don't know nothing about no frog law. Well, great. It looks like we're in another predicament, and all this talk about bagels has me starving.
Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded. Mixed and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. And hearts. See you soon.
Unknown: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.
Robot: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Bumper Podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed it, please subscribe to our channel, like us on Facebook, and leave a comment. And if you want to see more of our past episodes, visit our website, nattybumpercar.com.
Unknown: We'll see you next time. Bye for now.
