We are back for a whole new year and a whole new season of ridiculousness!
The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!
You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!
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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
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Natty Bumpercar 0:00
I can eat Check, check, check any check, check. Hi everybody. It’s me Natty Bumpercar. And well, I guess it’s a new season. Well, I guess it’s a new year. New Me. I don’t know. I
Rufus T. Rufus 0:16
think it should be an entirely new podcast given the fact Hi everyone. This is me. Rufus. T. Rufus. Given the fact that you’ve been disappeared for quite some time. Do you have any kind of explanations for the audience? You can’t just leave them hanging like
Producer 0:32
everyone needs me producer and not that you don’t have to actually say anything. You’re just you are a very busy man. And not everyone knows. You’re doing lots of things and sometimes you get bogged down which is funny coming from a frog bug go good frog only log in a bog it’s funny to me. It’s a frog joke. Anyway. You don’t have to tell Rufus anything. Okay,
Aloysius J. Pig 0:54
Natty, I have you want to see me? I always just J pig heart coming in here. Hot. I’m coming in here hot. And I am bothered by this whole situation. Because here’s the thing. I think you don’t need it. I give an explanation. Everybody Bumpercar Because the last time you put out an episode was a the I don’t know. I don’t even I honestly, I don’t even know my calendar doesn’t go far that far back. Okay. So I appreciate when I think everybody would appreciate it as you maybe just a little bit of transparency. That’s, you know, kind of one of those words these days. Oh, again, good, a little bit of transparency and let us know what’s going on. Which is
Natty Bumpercar 1:32
fine. Yeah, well, full transparency. I just went through 15 minutes with my computer with a giant spinning rainbow ball that was saying to me, Hey, we just everything just got lost, but evidently it didn’t. So we’re back. And that makes me happy. That’s my transparency for you for right now.
Santa 1:52
Now Natty, as your lawyer, I’m going to come out and tell you that that’s not the kind of transparency that we are talking about. That’s more like a translucency that’s more like a or pigness or something like that what the people are looking for. They’re looking for a clear window in which they can look through and see what you’re talking about. Okay, and I don’t feel like that’s quite enough for you understand?
Natty Bumpercar 2:21
Yeah. Okay, cool. What? What is happening right now? Is that do we? Do we get a telephone? I’ve always wanted to be a call in show. Somebody, answer quick.
Aloysius J. Pig 2:38
Ha, ha allow this bump. I don’t have high who who’s?
Natty Bumpercar 2:45
It’s turkey in Turkey. Oh. Good point. Okay, thanks, Turkey. Wow, that was great. But thing I think maybe you hung up on him a little bit too fast. Like he was still talking or clicking are gobbling. I don’t know. What is doesn’t i Does anyone know Turkey talk? What is the gobble so God like you still got to be fair.
Aloysius J. Pig 3:10
I was caught unawares. I was caught off guard. I didn’t know that I was gonna be unfound duty. I kind of feel like maybe that’s producers kind of kind of jam. And I I did I kind of I kind of freaked out a little bit and I just hung up. I didn’t I didn’t.
Natty Bumpercar 3:28
Another one. Oh, producer get this good. This one producer.
Producer 3:36
Oh, hello, this is the show’s producer. We’re not going to the Natty Bumpercar bumper podcast site. today. Her name who’s calling?
Rufus T. Rufus 3:49
Well, I’m quite sure that you understand who’s calling. I know you’re having a call caller ID are
Natty Bumpercar 3:58
we Hi, Santa Claus. We don’t have any kind of caller ID but because this is our first time having a telephone on the show. But I recognize your voice. And it’s super cool that you’re calling in and I’m so happy to hear from you. And I
Rufus T. Rufus 4:09
don’t think you’ll think so in a second. Oh, yes. You see not to you didn’t record your podcast for the last bit of the year. And that is upset a lot of people. For instance, I believe Turkey called earlier. You never had him on the show last year. I am calling you again. Because you did not have me on the show. This is a traditional thing that we do every single year where Thanksgiving comes around Turkey comes on the show. December comes around and then I’m on the show as well. Do you have any thing to say not to
well now as Natty’s
Santa 4:54
Ruffus? Oh yeah, I’m not asking you to stand in front of Mr. Bumpercar. Oh, I’m just asking for a little bit of transparency is
Natty Bumpercar 5:05
fine. Okay, here’s what happened last year. This is late November and December. In late November, I was out in the bumper barn and I was trying to get some Christmas decorations down off of the loft loft is about 10 feet up in the air, and I was getting a giant storage crate full of decorations down. And I was using the ladder kind of to guide the big box down. And then the ladder shifted, and then the box fell and it whacked me in the head.
Aloysius J. Pig 5:41
This is all true. I was there. I witnessed the whole thing. It
was it was quite the wallop that he taught.
Santa 5:47
I understand. Keep talking, please. Yeah,
Natty Bumpercar 5:49
absolutely. So it hit me and I kind of went down on one knee. And I don’t think I passed out. But people were asking that but Oliver was out here with me. And he was like, are you okay? And I was like, ah, yeah, I was like, Is there any, any blood? And he looked, and he’s like, no blood. And I was like, Ah, all right. And then I proceeded to get down for more giant boxes, because I’m silly that way. Now. I put my hand on the back of my head. And when I pulled it back blood, there was a lot of blood. Sorry, I don’t want to freak you out. But it was true. This this actually happened. And Oliver said, I think we should go find mommy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea. Good. Good call. Sweet Child. And so I stumbled back into the house. Dear, I think I have a concussion. What should I What should I do? And it was hilarious, because I said, Can you look at my eyes, I need to see if my eyes are dilated? I
Producer 6:56
don’t understand what exactly died or die. You die. You later. What is What are you talking? What does that mean? I don’t I’m not a medical professional. I’m there. So fraud, who is good at producing a bandit.
Natty Bumpercar 7:08
Very good at it. Yes. So dilated, it just basically means so there’s in the center of your eye, there’s something called a pupil. It’s like the little circle black part. And that’s actually how the light gets into your eyes. And that’s the whole thing. But sometimes, if they’re really big or really small, then you can kind of see that there’s stuff going on with them. And she said, and so and when you have a concussion, that’s one of the things that they check. They’re like, let’s look at your eyes and see if your pupils are dilated. And so she looked at my eyes and she said, I don’t know, I think that one is bigger than that one talking about my eyes. And I was and she’s like, but I don’t know if that’s just because of where you are in relation to the the light in the room. And, like, I don’t think that’s how it works. But you know, and then I said, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go take a shower. So I did that I went, I took a shower. And definitely was feeling pretty pretty off. Now.
Rufus T. Rufus 8:10
I’m feeling pretty off. It’s just something that is it. Can we sue this box?
I mean, I don’t want to be litigious this early in the new year, but I am the lawyer. So I just think I could probably look into it. And there’s a there’s a box have any kind of assets that we can go and
Aloysius J. Pig 8:27
settle down roof is I keep telling story bumper,
Natty Bumpercar 8:29
okay. So my whole life, I’ve been told, if you have a concussion, don’t go to sleep. But then I went on the internet and they said, Hey, you can go to sleep. And I was like, okay, and I fully am aware and know that I could have gotten any answer that I wanted. And I was very tired. It was like at 930 at night, and I went to sleep. And I slept all day. The next day. It was a Saturday. And I really I felt like I couldn’t move. I was just on the couch. And Saturday night, a friend of mine, Dave from Cedar beans coffee joint where I host the Thursday open mic, the caffeinated open mic. It was their four year anniversary, and I was I got up and I was like I am gonna go to this thing. And my wife was like, I don’t want you to go to that thing. And I was like, I have to go to this thing. And she’s like, again, I would rather you not go to the thing. So I went to the thing. And I took all of her with me. And I got there and within like a minute and a half all the noise and the people in the lights. I was like this was a mistake. I’ve made a terrible mistake. And I found a mom like a friend of Oliver’s mom and I said can I give him to you? And they’re like, yeah, what are you doing? I was like, I wanted to go to the emergency room. And so I did that. And they ran me through all kinds of tests and they were like, Yeah, you you have got a concussion and I was like I yeah, I know, I know. And that’s really all they did. They were like, alright, you just got to take it easy for might take a couple of weeks and good luck to you. Now I was like, Ah, all right. And so so that was the that was in November. That was the week before Thanksgiving. And then Thanksgiving happened. And we had all kinds of people at our house and I overextended myself. And so I made it worse, because that’s what I tend to do. So, Santa, if you could tell Turkey that that’s why he wasn’t on the podcast in November,
Santa 10:33
all of a sudden, Santa I’m being your messenger. That’s fine. Well, I’m terribly sorry about your head. And I hope that you’re doing things to reconcile that situation and that you’re going to take better care of yourself and live here.
Natty Bumpercar 10:48
I absolutely will. I promise steps have been taken. I got smaller containers. So I don’t have these monstrous containers to get down. And yes, I’m definitely going to try. It’s funny, every single doctor that I ever talked to, they’re like, are you taking care of yourself? And I’m like, no. So much, not so much. It’s not really what I do. I don’t take care of myself a lot. And they were like, You should probably start. And I’m like, okay, like I do it. But grudgingly I don’t know if you if you do that when you go to the doctor, but I’m like,
fine. I’ll take care of myself. Blah, blah, you know?
Santa 11:25
Yes. And that’s yeah, I do appreciate that. Very much. I do. I tend to overextend myself as well, especially at towards the end of the year where there’s a lot going on and I have to go around all the places and this elves in the building things and the rain do you have to take care of them and so I understand what about Pat what happened in December because I also was not on the podcast.
Producer 11:53
All right, actually. Sorry to interrupt. Natty and Mr. Claus. i This is producer. We only have 30 seconds to go on the show. So maybe we can you can test it. Can you I know you’re busy man. You made it back next week. Oh man, figure it out. Are
Rufus T. Rufus 12:10
you seriously asking sam I’m so cool back on the show. I’m
Natty Bumpercar 12:14
terribly sorry Santa, but we I don’t know what to do I
Aloysius J. Pig 12:17
and scene
Natty Bumpercar 12:20
did you just hang up on Santa Claus.
Aloysius J. Pig 12:23
shows gonna end shows
Natty Bumpercar 12:26
do not answer that no one answered the phone just run.
Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.
NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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In this episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar shares his humorous and exhausting experiences coaching his kid's soccer team, the Gray Ghosts. Despite his background playing soccer through high school, Natty discovers that herding a team of third and fourth graders is like "herding kittens" as he deals with untied shoes, grass-picking defenders, dirt-scooping players, and a goalie who sits down during crucial moments. Through funny anecdotes and relatable coaching challenges, Natty explores the balance between teaching skills, keeping kids engaged, and ensuring everyone has fun in recreational youth sports. This episode captures the chaos, frustration, and rewarding moments of volunteer youth coaching.
“It's like herding kittens because I'll be on the sideline… one of the kids was grabbing scoops of sand in his hand and dumping it into making like a little funnel with his other hand.”
— Natty Bumpercar
“My goalie was just sitting in the goal and he finally looks over and goes 'my shoes untied' and I was like I don't care about your shoe! You're my goalie!”
— Natty Bumpercar
“I'm not saying you're a bad person because you're not doing what I'm asking, I'm just saying like hey I need you to listen right.”
— Natty Bumpercar
Topics: #coaching #youthsports #soccer #parenting #kids #teamwork #recreationalleague
Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Robot, Producer
“It’s like herding kittens because I’ll be on the sideline… one of the kids was grabbing scoops of sand in his hand and dumping it into making like a little funnel with his other hand.”
— Natty Bumpercar“My goalie was just sitting in the goal and he finally looks over and goes ‘my shoes untied’ and I was like I don’t care about your shoe! You’re my goalie!”
— Natty Bumpercar“I’m not saying you’re a bad person because you’re not doing what I’m asking, I’m just saying like hey I need you to listen right.”
— Natty Bumpercar
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
Natty Bumpercar: let's talk about coaching let's talk about being a coach and the expectations of being a coach hi everybody it's me natty bumper car the bumper podcast and uh i have been uh honored to i was the coach of my kids uh basketball team and i never played basketball so that one was a little bit challenging but i know enough about basketball that i could kind of uh you know wing it a little bit um but then the opportunity came up to coach his uh soccer team and i played soccer most of my life uh from growing up up until i think uh junior year of high school or so uh and and and loved it loved it to pieces and so uh when i found out they were looking for for soccer coaches i was like yeah sign me up you know um and it's funny because you know the organization i wasn't given any information it was just like sure you're a coach show up and i was like okay i can do that and so i showed i showed up the first day and uh i got my team they're they're the gray team gray ghosts is what is what i call them i made a little i was like you guys are the and they were like okay and then one kid was like i want to be a gray goose and i was like fine i don't whatever that's great um and i and i had to learn all of their names i made them stand in a line and i because i think it's important right that you these are these are you want them to feel uh you know like they're part of the team like they belong like they have their own uh identity and so they went through their names and and whenever anyone would say their name i would say all right everybody say hello to tom there's no tom but i'm not going to give you the kids names because that would be uh untoward but you know uh and so then they would all introduce themselves and then we kind of found out you know who was in third grade who's in fourth grade and do you go to this school do you go to that school just to kind of you know establish who everyone was and try to build a tiny rapport in the time that i had now the first week was was was bananas because we had uh two practices and three games within the span of uh seven days so it was like hey you're not playing soccer and then all of a sudden it was like hey hey guess what you're doing soccer every single day of your life and and it was hard because the kids were getting very frustrated and um tired you know because they're running around and when it's almost every day there's just no break so they they don't get a chance to uh to kind of come up come back relax whatever but um the thing is is we've it it's great it's great fun and i the reason i don't know if you can hear it in my voice but it's a little bit raspy is because i basically scream from the time the game has started maybe even a little bit before until the game has ended and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm and it's not because i'm angry it's i am out there and i i really take a lot on like i feel a real responsibility to to get these kids to learn and to motivate them and to try to get them into spots where they can best you know uh have the chance for success and um it's difficult i'm not i'm not gonna lie like it's i last night i was like oh this is like herding kittens because it's always a fun phrase i've always enjoyed that phrase herding kittens and i always like when someone's like why are you hurting kittens i'm like no no one's hurting kittens i'm hurting them hurting her hurting them what do you mean by that you know like i'm trying to get a big herd of kittens through the valley into the uh into the the the the the pasture the gated pasture so they can they can i don't know play with butterflies whatever ah so are the kittens being hurt then no no we're going to play with butterflies relax um but you know because i'll be on the sideline and i'm like i only have a bunch of them so they i'll just let them go um but you know this is i'll give them all their posi positions well that was a weird thing that just happened uh give them all their positions you know you're going to be my striker you're going to be my uh my uh stopper which is what i call the uh the the uh middle defense person uh you're my left fullback you're my rightful way which which which way is which way is left coach this is well this is this is your left and so you're just going to go back there to the where i'm pointing where do i go coach again i want to you to go back to that corner right where i'm pointing why aren't you going hey could you please just go yes no you why are you coming off the field why why are you coming off the field i need you to go back to your spot coach my shoe's untied get over here let's tie your shoe real quick like this is it's a real constant flow of uh of me trying to get them to stay focused on the game get into their spots and and uh do what they're supposed to do but also to try to learn and have fun so it's a real real balancing act that i'm going through um and it's also difficult because you know there's there's some kids that are more advanced and they kind of want to take over the game but this is a recreation league and so this is a developmental league and so i'm constantly i'm like hey you know let that kid take the kick or let that kid take the throw in because you know you're yes you are really good at it but I need other I need everybody to learn how to be good at it because we're a team um and you know a lot so a couple games ago we were playing it was actually on a on a on a baseball field and so you know part of it is uh is is dirt like that baseball field dirt whatever that stuff is and uh then you know grass and I'm looking down one end of the field uh where where are we have our offense as the ball and they're gonna they're gonna score oh wait no the ball's coming back our way so I have to turn and I have to get my defense ready and so I was just like defense and then I stopped because one of the kids was grabbing scoops of sand in his hand and dumping it into making like a little funnel with his other hand and then trying to catch it uh the dirt as it was coming through the funnel on the bottom
Unknown: and he was doing this back and forth and I was like what are you doing like focus stand up and
Natty Bumpercar: then I looked at the other side of the field and there was a kid uh picking grass off and I was and so there's there's a lot of me uh of me yelling and um the fun thing is is when I'm yelling what are you doing please stand up here comes the ball it usually doesn't register until I've I've yelled the person's name four five six seven times um and the difficult thing with that is that there are kids who are very competitive and who take the games very seriously a lot more seriously than you know the the grass pickers or there's we have kids who dance on the field which is wonderful uh but you know maybe not the exact right time and um the kids who are taking it a lot more seriously you know they'll start yelling at their teammates and I'm like no no no no no I'm gonna have to pull them off and I'm like listen I'm the coach that's my job I'll do the yelling you I need you to focus on playing the game um it's a it's it's really it's it's a lot I we had a game um recently and we we we didn't have enough for substitutions we only had eight people and so we have uh we we have our uh our striker and then our three mids and then our three uh defense and then our our our goalie right so everybody that I had was on the field playing and uh the ball was again the offense had the ball they're they're making a move on the other side of the field they're gonna oh oh wait here comes the ball it's coming back quick defense and so this time it wasn't people picking grass and uh uh scooping dirt my my goalie was just sitting in the goal like he was just and and so I yelled his name I was like hey stay it would stand up stay with me and I kept yelling his name and for like 15 seconds I'm screaming his name and I'm and he finally looks over he goes
Unknown: my shoes untied and I was like I don't care about your show like I don't I said you're my goalie
Natty Bumpercar: the ball is right come on and I'm just like screaming like this child to uh you know I'm because but I and listen I'm a coach these are kids they're learning they're far away from me so I have to yell but I think it's what's important is the context and and how I'm yelling I'm not saying like you know you're a bad person because you're not doing what I'm asking I'm just saying like hey I need you to listen right and uh you know I've really noticed as the season has gone on that it seems to motivate them now this child I was like I said I don't care about your shoes you're my goalie I care about my goal right I because I really wanted to impress upon him how much I I was worried about the ball going in the in the goal and um so then I had to run around after the ball was back down the other side of the field and I I I went I was like hey are your shoes okay everything okay he's like yeah and I was like hey I wasn't yelling at you I just wanted you to stand up because you're you're my goalie you're my goalie you know and he was like yeah I I know coach I know and I was like you're good right he's like yeah I'm good I'm good I was like okay cool cool cool and then later in the game we had a different goalie and uh he made a nice save he stopped the ball from going into the net phenomenal yeah good save nice save I'm clapping you know and then he's got the ball in his hand and then he just starts throwing it up in the air like he was so happy that he and that he was like I'm gonna just throw this ball up in the air and I was like stop it stop throwing stop throwing the ball like you can't just he's like just tossing with himself like hey I'm I'm throwing the ball here and after the game was when I finally got a chance to talk to him I was like hey you did a great job at goal but please don't ever like throw the ball up in the air like that again uh and he was like why and I was like well think of it this way it's raining out it's wet and just imagine I said and who knows it might never happen but maybe if it does just imagine that you're throwing the ball and and it bounces off your hand it slips whatever happens and it rolls into the goal what would happen he's like uh they would they would get a goal and I was like yeah and how would that make you feel and he's like terrible and I was like yes I'm trying to avoid you feeling terrible because I want everyone to be happy all the time because that's you know we're not always going to have fun sometimes we win sometimes we lose but I feel as a coach to make it as enjoyable as possible so that if these kids want to move on with this that they'll do it
Robot: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon
Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank ablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com
Natty Bumpercar: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank ablawi see you soon this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank ablawi see you soon thank you
